Articles by " Jessica Philo"
22 Apr
2014

Earth Day, Earthy Earthy Earth Day!

This is an earth appreciation post.

I'm not here to talk about global warming or carbon dioxide in the atmosphere- you can get yelled at about that simply by watching the news.

I'm here to talk about the earth. The tiny spinning full-of-life planet we're all riding through space.

The earth is pretty spectacular when you think about it. I mean, just look at it for a minute.

Majestic, yes?

Okay, now look at this.

Honestly, how are we not just staring at Jupiter all the time? HOW CAN'T WE SEE IT? HOW ISN'T THE SKY JUST JUPITER?

Probably because of how far away it is, but still. The thing is gynorm.

To get marginally off topic, who remembers this?

JUPITER

I still can't say Jupiter out loud without going jupitERRRRRRR.

Okay okay back to the earth. Should I be capitalizing earth? And I call myself a 'writer'. Yeesh.

What I'm trying to say is that the Earth is our home. According to science, there's nowhere else for us homo sapiens to live in space. They keep trying to say we can live on Mars, but let's get real. Living on Mars makes living on Earth look heavenly. Air to breathe, water, agriculture... We may be slowly destroying the earth one pollutant at a time, but I challenge you to think about how you're impacting the Earth. What can you do to help out the frigging planet we live on? Pick up some trash, stop driving places you can walk, use reusable grocery bags, stop buying those godforsaken plastic disposable water bottles, recycle everything you possibly can, plant some clean air friendly plants, or get some energy efficient appliances. Simple changes can make a difference, and I implore you to make just one change in the name of the wonderful planet we call home.

You stay classy, Pittsburgh.

The 'burgh from space

13 Apr
2014

It’s National Library Week!!!

My name is Jess and I'm in love with the idea of libraries.

If you know me you know that the library is one of my absolute favorite places to visit. I tend to get really excited when I talk about them, and here's why.

Libraries represent everything that is right with the world. Want to learn how to knit, or plant a garden? Suddenly interested in a new genre or author? Thinking about getting a dog? Thinking about having a baby? Libraries provide you with an extremely useful amount of free knowledge. Not to mention all of the sessions they hold for things like intermediate French conversation club, teen book clubs, or children's story time. And it doesn't just stop at books. Libraries also offer movies to rent for a small fee, books on tape (or CD), computers, access to the internet, tons of magazines to read, printers, help finding a job or fixing up your resume... Libraries do all of the things that have the power to positively change someone's life. Reading keeps me sane and the endless amount of books the library houses will keep me reading, well, forever. So let's celebrate National Library Week and get to the library!

Arthur had it right all along

18 Mar
2014

Awkward Moments Day: Celebrate Your Awkward Self

Awkward moments are my favorite. Sure, they're awful as they're happening (cue red face, anxiety sweating, and stuttering) but they always make for a funny story later. The other great thing about awkward moments is that they keep us grounded. Hearing others' stories of awkward moments undoubtedly brings up a number of our own awkward moments. So I'll share with you some of my own awkward moments.

  • Creeping on someone's Instagram feed when my phone mistakes my scrolling as double tapping, thus accidentally 'liking' one of their photos.
  • My phone rings, and I say hello before it's connected me to the person. So they know I've picked up but don't hear me say 'hello' and they just get silence.
  • Bumping into an inanimate object and saying, 'Excuse me,' before I realize it's not a person.
  • Forgetting someone's name as soon as they tell it to me because I'm so nervous I forget to remember.
  • Looking for an open treadmill at the gym and making eye contact with 7 people working out instead.
  • Accidentally making a lot of eye contact with the same person at the gym because they're just there and hoping to GOD they don't try to talk to me.
  • Singing along with a song in front of someone and singing the wrong lyrics.
  • Impatiently pulling on the car door handle multiple times as someone else simultaneously tries to unlock the car.
  • The other person getting so annoyed with me that they just get in the car and drive away. (JK this has never happened but could, you know?)
  • Trying to count a pile of money and repeatedly getting confused about the total.
  • Getting to the front of the line at the bank and forgetting what you even came for.
  • Using the ATM to avoid interacting with an actual person.
  • Getting on the bus and trying to pay when you're supposed to pay when you get off. (This makes the port authority bus drivers CRAZY.)
  • Sending someone a Facebook message and seeing that they read it but didn't respond to you. Ever.
  • Apologizing to your pet when you accidentally kick/walk into them.

And here are a few socially awkward penguin memes :) Please feel free to share your awkward moments!

8 Mar
2014

Daylight Saving Time: A Questionable Yet Unavoidable National Day Of Debate

{Daylight saving time begins on Sunday, March 9 at 2 A.M. This is your friendly grammatically correct reminder that it is never daylight savings time, but daylight saving time. You may now kindly proceed to the rest of this blog post.}

Here's how daylight saving time began (according to me).

"In exchange for one just hour of your time (you can get it back in November, whatevs) you get one extra hour of daylight at the end of the day. JUST LIKE THAT. Why, you ask? I'm not sure. John here tells me something about lowering the price of candles and electricity or some shit. Will it mess up your sleep schedule? Oh most definitely. But we don't really um, how can I put this? ...Care. We don't care."

This is the face they made. Ugh.

This is the face they made. Ugh.

And thus daylight saving time was born. And the never friggin ending debate over whether or not daylight saving time is worth it continues to this very day.

On one hand, you have the DST cheerleaders. More sunlight = more time to do outside chores, dine al fresco with family, do outside recreational activities, and overall just increases the likelihood of being able to actually do something after work. And then you have the energy savings from the sun being up later in the day since people are using the natural light rather than electricity.

On the other hand, you have the DST naysayers. Yes, the days are longer and people have more sun-time to get out and play. But saving electricity? Some aren't convinced, and more than one study has shown that any electricity conservation brought on by the longer days is negated by the use of air conditioning in the hotter months*. Plus, the sun rises an hour later, and unless you're into stubbing your toe on every piece of furniture you own, you probably turn the lights on when you get up in the damn dark. And what about people's internal clocks and sleep schedules? How can you just mess with such an important and personal thing?

Good get sun, just trying to give you the (vitamin) D.

Good get sun, just trying to give you the D (vitamin).

So that, in short, is the beginning of and debate pertaining to DST. Me, personally? I get non-narcotically high off of the extra hour of sunshine. It makes my heart sing, and I start to feel human again. DST is the reawakening of my soul after a cold, snowy winter. Knowing that long, hot summer days, shorts, tank tops, BBQs, outdoor concerts, reading in the park, and sleeping with the windows open is all coming soon is enough to keep me thinking happy thoughts all the way into May.

As for me, I'll be Walken on sunshine thanks to DST.

As for me, I'll be Walken on sunshine thanks to DST.

22 Feb
2014

Happy National Margarita Day!

While the origin of the margarita is pretty fuzzy, it was invented between 1938 and 1948. No can remember when it happened exactly, probably because of the tequila.

Margaritas are both my friend and my foe. On one hand, they give me quite a good buzz pretty quickly, they taste delicious and come in awesome frozen flavors like mango. On the other hand, they give me quite a good buzz pretty quickly, which leads to me talking too loudly about the people I'm near, partially falling off of my chair at moments, and singing along with whatever music is playing. Maybe I'm listening to what you're saying, maybe I'm not. Margaritas kind of turn me into my worst self, but they also make everything a lot more fun. So I stick with them. I mean, look at this thing. Tell me you don't want to sip it until you have a brain freeze.

To refresh your memory (we can't all be mixologists (sheesh)), margaritas are a tasty concoction of tequila, triple sec, and lime/lemon juice. And if you're like me and dig the frozen kind, pureed fruity goodness. The salt on the rim is optional, as is your verbal censor once you get about 3/4 of the way through your first drink. Hey man, you know what? If I can squeeze in a serving of fruit while getting tipsy at the same time, things can't be that bad, y'know? We live in a world where you can get drunk drinking liquid fruit and alcohol. That sounds like a pretty damn great world to me, guys. To misquote Arrested Development, 'Say what you want about America - thirteen bucks can still get you a hell of a lot of margs!' (Who said anything bad about America?)

9 Jan
2014

Happy Birthday, Snape!

Not gonna lie. There was a time when I couldn't wait for Snape to get killed off. He killed Dumbledore for meep's sake. But in the end, it was all part of a greater plan in which Snape's turned out to be this awesome, heartbroken dude with a lot of feels. Not to mention, the friggin' Half Blood Prince. So, Happy Birthday, Snape! Here's a gifset/photo commemoration!

Always

The crying will commence in 3, 2, 1...

And now for some more lighthearted Snape gifs/photos

snape-my-body-is-ready

Turn-to-page-394

LOLOLOL

LOLOLOL

Always pads

Snape Air

Snape Air

8 Jan
2014

Bringing Back The Bubble Bath In 6 Easy Steps

I wanna talk about bubble baths. It's been a very long time since I took a bath, but I think this year is the year I bring back the bubble bath. January 8th is bubble bath day, so let's DO THIS THING.

Some people like to hate on the fact that you're sitting in 'dirty' water, but the point of a bubble bath isn't cleanliness. Jebus people, get it together. The point of a bubble bath is quiet time, relaxation, and introspection. Granted, you probably need to clean your tub/shower before you set out on a bubble bath adventure, but it will totally be worth it. If you need some bubble bath inspiration, let me be your bubble bath guide.

Step one: Clean your tub. Yes, this sucks. But this is the only part that sucks.

Step two: Plug the tub and start the hot water (but test it before it gets going to make sure you don't burn your junk off).

Step three: Pour in bubble bath while the tub is filling so it gets good and sudsy.

Tokyo Milk makes some awesome bubble bath

Tokyo Milk makes some awesome bubble bath

Step four: While you're waiting for the tub to fill up and the bubbles to um, bubble, grab a few candles and light them. Make sure you place them near you but not in such a way that they will a.) fall into the tub or b.) set your hair on fire.

I wanna burn them all! One at a time, though.

I wanna burn them all! One at a time, though.

Step five: Turn on some relaxing music and put your phone on silent. You don't need to use it with wet fingers OR drop it into the tub.

Step six: Sink into the bubbles and relax. Spend as much time as you like getting pruney, and maybe even read a little. Ooh, reading!

I would suggest a good mystery, like The Cuckoo's Calling, written by J.K. Rowling under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith

I would suggest a good mystery, like The Cuckoo's Calling, written by J.K. Rowling under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith

18 Dec
2013

It’s Answer The Phone Like Buddy The Elf Day! An Elf Appreciation Post

I think it's safe to say at this point that we've all seen Elf since it was released 10 years ago. One of my favorite scenes from the movie is the scene in where Buddy goes to work with his father (who is in denial that this man child that says he's an elf is really his biological son). When the father's office phone rings Buddy quickly reaches over the desk and his father, grabs the phone and says

Today is the one special day of the year when it's totally socially acceptable to answer your phone like this. Bonus points if it's your work phone. Double bonus points if it's your mom and she won't get the reference. Triple bonus points if you make this your voicemail greeting for a day.

Other notable Buddy the Elf moments:

Because he's always smiling, and it starts to get creepy

Upon finding a NYC coffee shop that boasts 'World's Best Cup of Coffee' in its window

Getting hit in the face with a snowball

 

Meeting a mall Santa

Learning to ride an escalator

Now go watch Elf and plot your phone greeting! Yay!