Articles by " Jessica Philo"
26 Jun

Dobby, A Free Elf

I don’t know about you, but every time a sock goes miss­ing in the laun­dry, I can’t help but think of Dob­by. Sweet, well inten­tioned yet dis­as­trous Dob­by.

When The Death­ly Hal­lows was released in 2007 I re-read the entire series before I dug into it. And when *spoil­er alert* Dob­by dies, I cried. I ugly cried right into my book.

right in the feels

Damn J.K. you sure know how to F a lady up in the feels.

I slow­ly recov­ered, but was always adamant­ly a Dob­by enthu­si­ast. When The Death­ly Hal­lows Part 1 film was released in 2010, again, I ugly cried, but this time in  a room full of strangers.

Every time I see a weird lit­tle dog with bug­gy eyes, I secret­ly name it Dob­by. The spindly lit­tle Whip­pet that lives in the Hey Bet­ty store win­dow dur­ing the day has only one name to me, and it’s Dob­by.

And now, for some Dob­by quotes which are A+.

Dob­by nev­er meant to kill! Dob­by only meant to maim, or seri­ous­ly injure!

Dob­by is used to death threats, sir. Dob­by gets them five times a day at home.

Yes, Har­ry Pot­ter!” said Dob­by at once, his great eyes shin­ing with excite­ment. “And if Dob­by does it wrong, Dob­by will throw him­self off the top­most tow­er, Har­ry Pot­ter!”

dobby is free

Hap­py Birth­day, Dob­by! <3 U.

18 Jun


If you know us at KU (and me, this is JP speak­ing, hi) we love dogs. We’re pet friend­ly and we wel­come dog­gies in the store.

But what about bring­ing your dog to WORK? How frig­gin awe­some would that be? Who has a work­place that would be worse off with dogs present? Prob­a­bly trash men or like, sur­geons on surgery day, but what­ev­er, that’s not what we do here. ANYWHO. You’re in luck if this is get­ting you jazzed.

Fri­day June 20 is take your dog to work day, and pro­vid­ed that no one is aller­gic to your lit­tle friend and your dog is socia­ble, YOU SHOULD DO EET. Ask your boss, take Feefee for a long walk before work and enjoy the stress reliev­ing com­pan­ion­ship your dog pro­vides. Plus, peo­ple who don’t have a dog but love dogs will be so excit­ed to see a DOGGY! HI DOGGY! CAN I PET HIM? OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM! HE’S SO PRECIOUS! And even bet­ter, you’ll have some­one to talk to all day that will do absolute­ly 0 talk­ing back. Perf.

This is a face you’ll be see­ing here at KU on Fri­day :) He will be avail­able to be pet­ted and loved in gen­er­al because that’s his MO.

My precious little Yogi

My pre­cious lit­tle Yogi

16 May


Piz­za par­ties are one of the best things you can do for oth­ers. You might think giv­ing com­pli­ments or gen­er­al­ly being cour­te­ous or even giv­ing peo­ple mon­ey is impor­tant, but noth­ing is more impor­tant than piz­za par­ties.

The announce­ment of a piz­za par­ty will instant­ly lift the spir­its of any group of peo­ple. This rel­a­tive­ly small ges­ture of free, warm, cheesy piz­za is one of the best ways to get peo­ple smil­ing. This is just sci­ence peo­ple. Sci­ence.

This is lit­er­al­ly what will hap­pen.

Before piz­za par­ty:



After piz­za par­ty:


The Nin­ja Turtles had the right idea:


If you real­ly want to get sneaky, you can host a secret piz­za par­ty, like the racoon main char­ac­ter in the awe­some book we sell, enti­tled Secret Piz­za Par­ty. All he ever wants is piz­za, but he keeps get­ting “bonked” in the head with a broom. So he devis­es a plan to get him­self some piz­za to have a secret piz­za par­ty. It’s a won­der­ful book and a won­der­ful idea. All piz­za par­ties are a won­der­ful idea!

May your piz­za par­ty be blessed with warm cheesy piz­za, good con­ver­sa­tion, and good times :)

10 May

National Miniature Golf Day

Any­one that’s played a round of golf knows that um, golf isn’t easy. You can’t just pick up a set of clubs and ride your golf cart into the sun­set after scor­ing under par.

Mini golf isn’t a piece of cake either, but it makes for a much less seri­ous time. The spir­it of mini golf is upbeat and fun.

There are many stages/feels of mini golf.

When you miss the ball entire­ly:

lord is testing me


When you over­com­pen­sate and hit the shit out of the ball:

too far


When you some­how man­age to hit a hole in one:


When it takes you 7 strokes every hole to get the ball in and every­one is wait­ing for you:


When some­one you’re with takes a pro golf stance:

gon be good

When you get to the hole with the wind­mill and time it per­fect­ly so you hit it and miss the open­ing:


When you hit the ball into the water and every­one has to wait for you to fish it out:pass out

When you pur­pose­ly hit the ball in the water because you real­ize it’s part of that hole’s strat­e­gy:


When some­one else hits your ball in with their ball:


When you encoun­ter a hole that looks like a giant vagi­na:

Now that's what I call a questionable hole. (I've been waiting 7 years to find a use for this photo of mine)

Now that’s what I call a ques­tion­able hole. (I’ve been wait­ing 7 years to find a use for this pho­to of mine)

malfoy scared

When the score is tal­lied and you lost by a great mar­gin:



When you know just how to fix that prob­lem:



A for Affort

A for Affort

22 Apr

Earth Day, Earthy Earthy Earth Day!

This is an earth appre­ci­a­tion post.

I’m not here to talk about glob­al warm­ing or car­bon diox­ide in the atmos­phere- you can get yelled at about that sim­ply by watch­ing the news.

I’m here to talk about the earth. The tiny spin­ning full-of-life plan­et we’re all rid­ing through space.

The earth is pret­ty spec­tac­u­lar when you think about it. I mean, just look at it for a min­ute.

Majes­tic, yes?

Okay, now look at this.

Hon­est­ly, how are we not just star­ing at Jupiter all the time? HOW CAN’T WE SEE IT? HOW ISN’T THE SKY JUST JUPITER?

Prob­a­bly because of how far away it is, but still. The thing is gynorm.

To get mar­gin­al­ly off top­ic, who remem­bers this?


I still can’t say Jupiter out loud with­out going jupitER­RRRRRR.

Okay okay back to the earth. Should I be cap­i­tal­iz­ing earth? And I call myself a ‘writer’. Yeesh.

What I’m try­ing to say is that the Earth is our home. Accord­ing to sci­ence, there’s nowhere else for us homo sapi­ens to live in space. They keep try­ing to say we can live on Mars, but let’s get real. Liv­ing on Mars makes liv­ing on Earth look heav­en­ly. Air to breathe, water, agri­cul­ture… We may be slow­ly destroy­ing the earth one pol­lu­tant at a time, but I chal­lenge you to think about how you’re impact­ing the Earth. What can you do to help out the frig­ging plan­et we live on? Pick up some trash, stop dri­ving places you can walk, use reusable gro­cery bags, stop buy­ing those god­for­sak­en plas­tic dis­pos­able water bot­tles, recy­cle every­thing you pos­si­bly can, plant some clean air friend­ly plants, or get some ener­gy effi­cient appli­ances. Sim­ple changes can make a dif­fer­ence, and I implore you to make just one change in the name of the won­der­ful plan­et we call home.

You stay classy, Pitts­burgh.

The ‘burgh from space

13 Apr

It’s National Library Week!!!

My name is Jess and I’m in love with the idea of libraries.

If you know me you know that the library is one of my absolute favorite places to vis­it. I tend to get real­ly excit­ed when I talk about them, and here’s why.

Libraries rep­re­sent every­thing that is right with the world. Want to learn how to knit, or plant a gar­den? Sud­den­ly inter­est­ed in a new gen­re or author? Think­ing about get­ting a dog? Think­ing about hav­ing a baby? Libraries provide you with an extreme­ly use­ful amount of free knowl­edge. Not to men­tion all of the ses­sions they hold for things like inter­me­di­ate French con­ver­sa­tion club, teen book clubs, or children’s sto­ry time. And it doesn’t just stop at books. Libraries also offer movies to rent for a small fee, books on tape (or CD), com­put­ers, access to the inter­net, tons of mag­a­zi­nes to read, print­ers, help find­ing a job or fix­ing up your resume… Libraries do all of the things that have the pow­er to pos­i­tive­ly change someone’s life. Read­ing keeps me sane and the end­less amount of books the library hous­es will keep me read­ing, well, forever. So let’s cel­e­brate Nation­al Library Week and get to the library!

Arthur had it right all along

18 Mar

Awkward Moments Day: Celebrate Your Awkward Self

Awk­ward moments are my favorite. Sure, they’re awful as they’re hap­pen­ing (cue red face, anx­i­ety sweat­ing, and stut­ter­ing) but they always make for a fun­ny sto­ry lat­er. The oth­er great thing about awk­ward moments is that they keep us ground­ed. Hear­ing oth­ers’ sto­ries of awk­ward moments undoubt­ed­ly brings up a num­ber of our own awk­ward moments. So I’ll share with you some of my own awk­ward moments.

  • Creep­ing on someone’s Insta­gram feed when my phone mis­takes my scrolling as dou­ble tap­ping, thus acci­den­tal­ly ‘lik­ing’ one of their pho­tos.
  • My phone rings, and I say hel­lo before it’s con­nect­ed me to the per­son. So they know I’ve picked up but don’t hear me say ‘hel­lo’ and they just get silence.
  • Bump­ing into an inan­i­mate object and say­ing, ‘Excuse me,’ before I real­ize it’s not a per­son.
  • For­get­ting someone’s name as soon as they tell it to me because I’m so ner­vous I for­get to remem­ber.
  • Look­ing for an open tread­mill at the gym and mak­ing eye con­tact with 7 peo­ple work­ing out instead.
  • Acci­den­tal­ly mak­ing a lot of eye con­tact with the same per­son at the gym because they’re just there and hop­ing to GOD they don’t try to talk to me.
  • Singing along with a song in front of some­one and singing the wrong lyrics.
  • Impa­tient­ly pulling on the car door han­dle mul­ti­ple times as some­one else simul­ta­ne­ous­ly tries to unlock the car.
  • The oth­er per­son get­ting so annoyed with me that they just get in the car and dri­ve away. (JK this has nev­er hap­pened but could, you know?)
  • Try­ing to count a pile of mon­ey and repeat­ed­ly get­ting con­fused about the total.
  • Get­ting to the front of the line at the bank and for­get­ting what you even came for.
  • Using the ATM to avoid inter­act­ing with an actu­al per­son.
  • Get­ting on the bus and try­ing to pay when you’re sup­posed to pay when you get off. (This makes the port author­i­ty bus dri­vers CRAZY.)
  • Send­ing some­one a Face­book mes­sage and see­ing that they read it but didn’t respond to you. Ever.
  • Apol­o­giz­ing to your pet when you acci­den­tal­ly kick/walk into them.

And here are a few social­ly awk­ward pen­guin memes :) Please feel free to share your awk­ward moments!

8 Mar

Daylight Saving Time: A Questionable Yet Unavoidable National Day Of Debate

{Day­light sav­ing time begins on Sun­day, March 9 at 2 A.M. This is your friend­ly gram­mat­i­cal­ly cor­rect reminder that it is nev­er day­light sav­ings time, but day­light sav­ing time. You may now kind­ly pro­ceed to the rest of this blog post.}

Here’s how day­light sav­ing time began (accord­ing to me).

In exchange for one just hour of your time (you can get it back in Novem­ber, what­evs) you get one extra hour of day­light at the end of the day. JUST LIKE THAT. Why, you ask? I’m not sure. John here tells me some­thing about low­er­ing the price of can­dles and elec­tric­i­ty or some shit. Will it mess up your sleep sched­ule? Oh most def­i­nite­ly. But we don’t real­ly um, how can I put this? …Care. We don’t care.”

This is the face they made. Ugh.

This is the face they made. Ugh.

And thus day­light sav­ing time was born. And the nev­er frig­gin end­ing debate over whether or not day­light sav­ing time is worth it con­tin­ues to this very day.

On one hand, you have the DST cheer­lead­ers. More sun­light = more time to do out­side chores, dine al fres­co with fam­i­ly, do out­side recre­ation­al activ­i­ties, and over­all just increas­es the like­li­hood of being able to actu­al­ly do some­thing after work. And then you have the ener­gy sav­ings from the sun being up lat­er in the day since peo­ple are using the nat­u­ral light rather than elec­tric­i­ty.

On the oth­er hand, you have the DST naysay­ers. Yes, the days are longer and peo­ple have more sun-time to get out and play. But sav­ing elec­tric­i­ty? Some aren’t con­vinced, and more than one study has shown that any elec­tric­i­ty con­ser­va­tion brought on by the longer days is negat­ed by the use of air con­di­tion­ing in the hot­ter months*. Plus, the sun ris­es an hour lat­er, and unless you’re into stub­bing your toe on every piece of fur­ni­ture you own, you prob­a­bly turn the lights on when you get up in the damn dark. And what about people’s inter­nal clocks and sleep sched­ules? How can you just mess with such an impor­tant and per­son­al thing?

Good get sun, just trying to give you the (vitamin) D.

Good get sun, just try­ing to give you the D (vit­a­m­in).

So that, in short, is the begin­ning of and debate per­tain­ing to DST. Me, per­son­al­ly? I get non-nar­cot­i­cal­ly high off of the extra hour of sun­shine. It makes my heart sing, and I start to feel human again. DST is the reawak­en­ing of my soul after a cold, snowy win­ter. Know­ing that long, hot sum­mer days, shorts, tank tops, BBQs, out­door con­certs, read­ing in the park, and sleep­ing with the win­dows open is all com­ing soon is enough to keep me think­ing hap­py thoughts all the way into May.

As for me, I'll be Walken on sunshine thanks to DST.

As for me, I’ll be Walken on sun­shine thanks to DST.