Articles by " Jessi"
21 Jul

Uno Mas for Tequila Day!

July 24th is National Tequila Day, you guys! Instead of boring you with facts about the liquor (like how it's made from the blue agave plant, how it is often between 76-80 proof but in some instances can be as high as 110 proof, etc), I'm going to try a little experiment. You see, it's been a few years since I've actually had tequila. I don't remember much of the night (as is the case with most people who drink too much tequila), though I'm pretty sure I made quite an ass of myself (again, common side effect). In the interest of science, I have selflessly volunteered to do a little research in the true effects of tequila. Mainly, I'll just be quaffing the liquor and texting about it. FOR SCIENCE! image (1)

8:20 pm  Shot #1 : This shot was straight up. Ugh. I won't be making that mistake again. Like I said, it's been a while, totally got the tequila shivers. Why do people drink this stuff? I think my next one, I'll do that whole salt/lime thing.

8:22 pm : My tummy does feel nice and warm, however.

8:42 pm  Shot#2 : Ok, I'm really not feeling anything, besides the whole warm tum-tum. Time for another shot. This time I'll do the salt/tequila/lime thing.

8:43 pm : Ok, that wasn't as bad as the first go.

8:55 pm  Shot #3 : Wait a sec, or was I supposed to do it salt/lime/tequila? Guess I'll just have to have another.

9:03 pm : Hold on... or is it that you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up? Wait, do I need a coconut? Do I even HAVE a coconut? I think the cornerr store has them. I'll be right back.

9:21 pm : Coconuts are hard to open, you guys. My floor is all sticky.

9:28 pm : Hey, remember in Monthy Python's Holy Grail when they used coconuts to make horse hoof sounds?

image (2)

9:36 pm : Ok, the neighbors complained about my imaginary horse. I named him Fred, btw. The horse, not the neighbor. Neigbors name is Adam, noice guy. HEY, I WORK WITH AN ADAM! I'M GOING TO TEXT WORK ADAM TO SEE IF HE KNOWS MY NEIGHBOR!!!

9:38 pm : He does not

9:42 pm Shot #4 : In memory of Fred, I think it's time to do another shot! I miss you Fred, you were a good horse.

9:52 pm : You know what I love, you guys? Potato chips. BEST. THING. EVER.

10:03 pm : My face is numb.

10:08 pm : You know what's a really great idea? Imma gonna text my ex, I'm sure he'd want to hear from me!


10:10 pm : No responze. Im going text him again.

10:13 pm : Maybe my texts arent working. I'm going to call him.

10:16 pm Shot #5 : Boy, some people can be quite rude. Screw em, time for another shot.

10:27 pm : Whay is me floor sticky and why do i have a coconut?

10:43 pm Shot #6 : U know what, guys? i <3 u , you r teh bestest. DA BESSSST! I raize my glass to u.

10:59 pm : U knw wht fealz gud, u guyz? The carpet. ON MY FACE. I waz sitting in da chair & sum how ended up of teh flooor. Itz soooooo soft, u guyz!!!!!

11:06 pm : Roomz all spinnyz.

11:13 pm : I hate u, tequiala. I hatez u sew much.

11:22 pm : Im sorry, teqwuila, Idonthateu. pleasemakeroomstopspin.

11:31 pm : Izsosleepyses. florfealzsogudsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss




*editors note: At this point it Jessi was found asleep, cuddling a coconut.

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4 Dec

Happy Birthday, Dude.

The Dude. Duder. His Dudeness. El Duderino (if you're into the whole brevity thing).

Today is the birthday of one of screen's best characters, The Dude. We here at Kards Unlimited adore The Dude. We try to follow his example: we abide, we can make some mean white russians, we enjoy bowling so much that we even dream about it. (Ok, that last one was just me. Did I ever mention that I used to bowl in a league? That I have my own engraved bowling ball? Oh yeah, baby... I was queen of the lanes!

"How much does KU love The Big Lebowski, and The Dude in particular?", you may ask. Check out the shirts we carry:










How does one live by the way of The Dude? Check out this page to learn all you need to know about Duderonomy. It's pretty freaking awesome. You can even be ordained a Dudeist Priest!

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet because I know the Dude would appreciate it, man. Happy Birthday, Dude. If you keep abiding, so shall we.

One of the best endings out there. I'm just going to leave this here.

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5 Sep

Double Jack on the Rocks

Today is the birthday of a great man, a humble man, a whiskey man. I'm talking about a certain Mr. Jack Daniels.

There are 4 types of American whiskey:

  • Bourbon - which is sweet, mostly made from corn. (Wild Turkey, Maker's Mark)
  • Tennessee - much like bourbon, but filtered through charcoal before bottling. (Jack Daniels)
  • Rye - made from rye. Spicier, but a lot like bourbon  (Old Overholt, Rittenhouse)
  • Blended - a mixture of whiskeys and neutral spirits  (Kessler)

Not to mention Canadian, Irish, and Scotch whiskeys. I could get into a spirited debate over which whiskey is the best and weigh the pros and cons of each... in fact, the last time I was at the bar, I had just such a conversation with a complete stranger (I still stand by the fact that he was wrong, I was right). However, I won't do that here. This is a celebration of whiskey in general and one man whose whiskey is the best selling whiskey in the world. Not to mention the fact that Jack Daniels has made headway into the culinary world, with some pretty awesome recipes. (BBQ ribs with Jack = outta this world)

When at a bar, most people order Jack as a mixed drink: Jack and Coke, Jack and Ginger, Lynchburgh Lemonade, Whiskey Sour, Mint Julep... etc, etc (Fyi, you can find those recipes here). If you're in college, you can bet you'll be doing shots of Jack at some point. If you're a hard-core Jack fan, you'll take it neat. I prefer mine on the rocks... more like on the rock as I only like to cool it slightly.

We here at KU love our whiskey... actually all liquor in general. You should really check out our bar section.

I say today grab some Jack, whether it be Black Label or Single Barrel, and raise a glass to the man who started with a barrel and built an empire.

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27 Apr

.. – .—-. … / — — .-. … . / -.-. — -.. . / -.. .- -.– (Translation: It’s Morse Code Day)

.... .. / - .... . .-. . .-.-.- / .. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - .. -. --. / - .... .. ... --..-- / -.-. --- -. --. .-. .- - ..- .-.. .- - .. --- -. ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / -- -.-- / -. . .-- / -... . ... - / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .- .-- . ... --- -- . / .- -. -.. / -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. . - . .-.. -.-- / ... .--. . -.-. .. .- .-.. / .- -. -.. / .. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / .. .----. -- / ... ..- .--. . .-. / ... . .-. .. --- ..- ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / - .... . / -... . ... - / - .... .. -. --. / . ...- . .-. / .- -. -.. / -.. --- -. .----. - / .-.. . - / .- -. -.-- --- -. . / - . .-.. .-.. / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. ..-. ..-. . .-. . -. - .-.. -.-- .-.-.- / .. ..-. / .. / .... .- -.. / .- / ..- -. .. -.-. --- .-. -. --..-- / .. .----. -.. / - --- - .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-.. . - / -.-- --- ..- / .--. . - / .. - .-.-.- / -.-. .... ..- -.-. -.- / -. --- .-. .-. .. ... / - .... .. -. -.- ... / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / .- .-- . ... --- -- . / - --- --- --..-- / .- -. -.. / -.-. .... ..- -.-. -.- / -. --- .-. .-. .. ... / .. ... / .- / .... .- .-. -.. / -- .- -. / - --- / .. -- .--. .-. . ... ... .-.-.-

'My name is Morse and I cannot lie, you other telegrapher's can't deny'

Today is Morse Code Day, in honor of Samuel Morse. In 1835, he proved that signals could be transmitted by wire. FACT: the first telegraph message was 'What hath God wrought', which was sent from the Supreme Court chamber all the way to a railway depot in Baltimore on May 24, 1844. This was a communication break though. No longer did people have to wait months for the family gossip from their cousins in California. This was like going from dial-up to wi-fi (Do you even remember dial-up? Did I just date myself? Ah, nuts.)

SOS. Remember this. It could save your life.

Morse code is pretty popular among amateur radio operators. An advantage of Morse code for transmitting over radio waves is that it is able to be received over poor signal conditions that would make voice communications impossible. Pilots, airtraffic controllers, naval ships all use morse code. Pittsburgh got into the act, flashing 'PITTSBURGH' in red neon on top of the Grant building ever since 1929. However, at some point (and no one knows when) a few typos slipped in... which was noticed in 2009! Who knows how long we we actually flashing 'PITETSBKRRH'! AND THEN, only a few days later, it was flashing 'TPEBTSAURGH'! I don't know what it's flashing now, I'm too afraid to look! Way to go, Pittsburgh. Way. To. Go. *Sigh*

Did you translate the code at the top of the blog? Translate the coded message with this! or if you're lazy, use this(Though if you're lazy, the contents of the message doesn't apply to you... sorry, but them's the breaks)

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12 Mar

Life, The Universe, and Everything.

The story so far:

One of the best opening lines of a book, EVER! You wanna fight about it?

The above quote is from the beginning of a little book call The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the second book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series, written by Douglas Adams. In case you didn't know, this man is one of my favorite authors. His blending of wit, schadenfreude, and off-the-wall characters has been pretty much unmatched. He passed away at the age of 49 in 2001. March 11th would have been his 60th birthday.

Douglas Adams: inventor of the Infinite Improbability Drive, Deep Thought, and The Babel Fish

We sell this book!

Not only did Adams write the Hitchhiker series, he is also the author of the Dirk Gently series, co-wrote The Meaning of Liff, AND wrote 3 episodes of Dr. Who!  DR. WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! To top it all of, he developed Hitchhikers Guide into a radio series, television mini-series, computer game, and finally the movie project. I know a bunch of people disliked the movie because it came out after Adams had passed, and they felt that it wasn't up to his standards, but I loved it! Sam Rockwell as Zaphod, BRILLANT! Mos Def as Ford, WHO KNEW HE'D BE THAT AWESOME WITH A TOWEL! Martin Freeman IS Arthur Dent, and Zooey Deschanel as Trillian isfuzzy kitten cuteness. Bill Nighy and John Malcovich make appearances, and ALAN RICKMAN IS THE VOICE OF MARVIN!!!! HOW CAN YOU DENY THIS MOVIE?!?!?

A year or so ago, the 6th installment to the Hitchhikers "trilogy" came out. Prior to his death, Adam's felt the need to continue the story, saying, "I would love to finish Hitchhiker on a slightly more upbeat note, so five seems the wrong kind of number; six is a better kind of number." After he passed, it was announced that Eion Colfer, author of Artemis Fowl series, would take the reigns. And so And Another Thing... came into being. I'll be honest, when I first finished the book, I didn't care for it that much. I had become one of those people who thought that if Douglas couldn't do it, then I wasn't interested. A good friend prodded me to re-read it with an open mind, and re-read it I did. AND I LOVED IT! Good job, Mr. Colfer. Good job, indeed.

We sell this book too!

So, on March 11th, celebrate the man who brought some odd-ball humor into the world. Grab a book, curl up with some tea, and enjoy. Just make sure you have your towel.

I'm just going to leave this here:

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-decended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

The planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most were largely concerned with with the movemnet of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should have ever left the oceans.

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7 Jan

A Genius in a Nutshell

"Hello, I'm Stephen Hawking. My brain could kick your brain's ass! COME AT ME, BRO!"

Yesterday was the 70th birthday of the one of the greatest men alive, Stephen Hawking. For a man who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease at the age of 21, a disease that claims most lives only a few years after diagnosis, He's done pretty well for himself. He's the Director of Research at the Institute for Theoretical Cosmology at Cambridge (and  former Lucasian Professor of Mathematics), holds 12 honorary degrees, a CBE, is a fellow of the Royal Society, a Member of the US National Academy of Science, holds the Presidential Medal of Freedom (which is the highest civilian award in the US), wrote a few little books (you may have heard of them, A Brief History of TimeThe Universe in a NutshellThe Grand Design), has appeared on such shows as The Simpsons and Star Trek: The Next Gen, and is one of the most brilliant theoretical physicist this side of Einstein.

In my research for this blog, I've discovered that a lot of people don't realize that Stephen is British. That is mainly because of the the computer he uses for his speaking voice. He's said, "One's voice is very important. If you have a slurred voice, people are likely to treat you as mentally deficient. This synthesiser is by far the best I have heard, because it varies the intonation, and doesn't speak like a Dalek. The only trouble is that it gives me an American accent." LOLZ! Oh Stephen, you crack me up!

For his 70th Birthday, there was a symposium held in his honor. Unfortunately, he was too ill to attend but watched it being streamed live... in fact anyone could watch the webcast! I missed it but I'm hoping it'll be transferred online soon.

Hawking in Zero G... I'm so freaking jealous!

Did you know that in 2007, Stephen Hawking came close to his dream of space travel by trying out zero gravity? After he landed, he said "Space, Here I Come!"

ecently he told New Scientist magazine that there is only one enduring mystery of the universe he has found impossible to crack: Women.

Stephen Hawking: Ladies Man

Also, when asked 'If you were a young physicist just starting out today, what would you study?' He replied "I would have a new idea that would open up a new field." Oh, that Mr. Hawking, always hamming it up!

Stephen is currently accepting applications for a graduate assistant... IIIIIEEEEEE!!!!! Instead of filling out the standardized application form, I decided to creatively express my qualifications through the exquisite art of stick figure drawing...

I think I got a good chance of getting an interview... Finger's crossed!

I think one of the most important things that Stephen has done is to make physics comprehensible to the masses. Just about everyone I know has a copy of A Brief History of Time. How understandable does he make science seem? Here's a video of kids recapping one of his articles on time travel...

So, Happy Birthday Mr. Hawking! Thank you for sharing your powerful and expansive mind with the us. We are lucky to be granted the privilege of living in your time.

Ahhhh Yeah!

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5 Jan

Twelfth Night; or, What You May Perhaps Kinda Sorta Will

The wassail began to go to their heads... and then things got weird.

I'll admit, when I hear the words Twelfth Night, I immediately think of Shakespeare's comedy Twelfth Night; or What You Will. Little did I know that Twelfth Night was actually a holiday in it's own right.

On Twelfth Night, you celebrate the end of the holiday season, and in the Catholic religion, this also marks the beginning of Carnival. In medieval England, that meant partying like it was1599. It was it's own mini-mardi gras kick off party! There was food, drink, self-indulgence (hmmm, sounds like most weekends at my house) and general merry making. Twelfth Night is a night of reversals, at the beginning of the night, a cake would be made that would contain one bean, and the person who ended up with that bean would be the ruler of the feast for the night. This is where the tradition of the Mardi Gras King Cake hails from. Catholics also recognize Twelfth Night as being the Eve of the Epiphany, which was the day a certain baby in a manger received a visit from some traveling genius's, who gave him some wicked awesome gifts. (I think that's how the story goes, it's been quite awhile since my catechism classes)

Seriously, Balthazar, we've passed that star 5 times already. I'm pulling over and asking for directions!"

Shakespeare wrote Twelfth Night; or, What You Will as Twelfth Night entertainment. The play focuses on the theme of reversals: a woman pretending be a man, a steward thinking that he could be a nobleman, etc. Shakespeare had planned on just calling the comedy What You Will, but as happens too often, a play with the same title premiered while Shakespeare was writing his. So I'm sure Shakespeare said "Eff this, I'll stick Twelfth Night on the front and call it done." And so it was.

Oh Shakespeare, you so funny!

Some people see Twelfth Night as the night to take down Christmas decorations. Supposedly, it's bad luck to keep them up after the 6th. I don't know about you, but I didn't get my decorations up until Christmas Eve eve. No way I'm taking them down now! They'll stay up until my potted Christmas tree dies from dehydration... last year, I believe that was April.

Now THAT'S what I call dedication!

So, if you're not too tired from Christmas and New Year's parties, why not celebrate Twelfth Night? Keep that buzz going... like you need an excuse! ^_^

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