Articles by " Kristen Glass"
19 Aug
2015

Happy Birthday Great Bird of the Galaxy!

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Gene Roddenberry’s birthday is August 19!  To celebrate, here are nineteen fun facts relating to the creator/king of Star Trek and his enterprise (see what I did there...enterprise.  HAH)!

 

  1. His first published work was about his children’s bunnies!!!
  2. Went through Peace Officer training at UCLA.
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  3. He was the first member of his family to earn a college degree.  It was an associates in police science.
  4. One of the founding members of the Association for Professional Law Enforcement: “We are of the opinion that professional ethics and practical police work are completely compatible and we intend to meet together to promote this compatibility.”
  5. Obtained his pilot’s license through the US Army Air Corps.

    Gotta love a man in uniform.

    Gotta love a man in uniform.

  6. He wrote scripts under the pseudonym “Robert Wesley” because a fortune cookie advised that, “A change of name will bring you fame.”
  7. He flew 89 combat missions during WWII.
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  8. He passed his police sergeants exam on his first attempt.
  9. He believed all contemporary religions would disappear by the 23rd century.
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  10. He was friends with Ray Bradbury and even asked Bradbury to write for Star Trek; unfortunately Bradbury refused.
  11. Wesley Crusher’s character was modeled after Roddenberry as a teen.  (Man, he must have been an insufferable teen!)

    "Shut up Wesley."-Said everyone ever

    "Shut up Wesley."-Said everyone ever

  12. Star Trek was created in 1964.  Star Trek: The Next Generation was created in 1987.
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  13. He worked for the “Public Information Division” of the police as a speechwriter.
  14. He was an avid fan of the John Carter of Mars series.
  15. He was a major drug abuser which added to his health problems later in life.
  16. In physics, a “Roddenberry” marks the distance traveled at light speed during a “traveler year”...whatever that means…
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  17. He was an adulterous man-slut.  Sorry Gene, you were.
  18. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his wife were avid Trek fans!  It was one of the only programs they felt comfortable letting their kids watch.
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  19. In 1992, his ashes were flown into space.
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10 Aug
2015

Happy S’mores Day, Y’all!

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Every diabetic’s favorite holiday is coming up...S’MORES DAY!!!  In case you’ve been living under a rock in Tianjin, a s’mores has three ingredients: graham crackers, toasted marshmallows, and melted chocolate bars.

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Anthropomorphized food is actually kind of terrifying.

It is totally recommended that you get creative with your s’mores ingredients!  Substitute peanut butter cups for chocolate bars!  Or cut open a banana lengthwise, scoop a bit out, fill it with chocolate  and marshmallows, then wrap in tinfoil and put it in the embers of your campfire for a few minutes.  Instantly your s’mores is now healthy (and gluten free)!!!

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The first official s’mores recipe was published in Tramping and Trailing with the Girl Scouts in 1927, but culinary historians believe the tradition began much earlier than that.  Leave it to the Girl Scouts to make everything official!  You’ll always want “some more” of this delicious treat, and if you’re eating it correctly it’ll sound like s’mores!!!

s'mores kitty wants more s'mores.

s'mores kitty wants more s'mores.

Most children don’t know how to eat healthy, I was no exception.  Oftentimes, when deprived of campfires in the winter, I would microwave chocolate chips and marshmallows in a Pyrex measuring cup, then dip graham crackers in it.  Sometimes, I skipped the graham crackers altogether and just dug in with a spoon.  MMmmmmmMMmm

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8 Aug
2015

Sneaky Zucchini!

If you are a gardener, farmer, or zucchini enthusiast, then you’re probably ready to celebrate National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day on August 8.  Each year, like a plague upon their houses, neighbors with abundant harvests rush upon bare porches adorning them with fruit (yes zucchini is a fruit)!  One must employ great stealth not to be seen.  After all, we want people thinking, “What the hell is that?  Is that a zucchini?  Whose zucchini is this?  Is it my zucchini?”  If one doesn’t employ great stealth, then the jig is up!

This is the least sneaky of all the zucchinis...

This is the least sneaky of all the zucchinis...

So, here is some advice for any novice zucchini sneaks:

If you need some stickies to leave notes on your zucchini, we've got them!

If you need some stickies to leave notes on your zucchini, we've got them!

  1. Remember to harvest some zucchini blossoms.  By harvesting the zucchini blossoms you will reduce the overabundance that normally results from growing zucchini.  Zucchini blossoms can be eaten raw, fried, or stuffed and cooked.
  2. Even one zucchini plant will produce a mountain of zucchinis!
  3. Be creative.  Don’t just lob a zucchini onto your neighbor's porch like an apathetic kid on a paper route (unless you hate them or something).  Internet legend says to leave a basket under the cover of darkness, but that seems too simplistic.  Have fun with it!  Wear a disguise, disguise your zucchini, leave a note, don’t leave a note, leave a recipe...the possibilities are endless.
  4. However you decide to leave your zucchini, your neighbors will be thrilled to share in the fruits of your labor.  Sharing is cool and so are you.  Perhaps you should share your favorite zucchini recipe too.
Zucchinis in disguise!

Zucchinis in disguise!

Here are three wonderful zucchini recipes to try if you’re one of the lucky ducks that gets free zucchini!

Baked Zucchini Sticks

Zucchini Fritters

Zucchini Olive Oil Cake

Existential crisis weenie dog: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM ANYMORE!

Existential crisis weenie dog: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM ANYMORE!

28 Jul
2015

Beatrix Potter: Our Spirit Animal

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Beatrix drew the animals she observed throughout her life

Beatrix Potter, the mastermind behind The Tale of Peter Rabbit, lived a quiet way life, appreciating simple pleasures.  She shared these simple pleasures with the masses.  She was born in London on July 28, 1866 and lived a lonely and sheltered Victorian childhood.  Her parents discouraged her from making friends her own age.  Beatrix had the privilege of meeting famous artists, politicians, and thinkers, but this means little to a young girl who just wants a friend.  She was educated at home by governesses.  Having little opportunity to make friends, nature became her one true friend for the rest of her life.
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Beatrix spent summer holidays with her family in an area of the country known as Lake District.  She drew from a young age, observing her pets, other animals, and plants.  She devoted much of her life to farming and countryside conservation, probably due to her early life and love of her memories at Lake District.

Beatrix Potter's house

Beatrix Potter's house

A bit of a late bloomer, Beatrix did not begin her career as a children’s author and illustrator until she was 35 years old.  She was quite dedicated to her vision of Peter Rabbit.  More than six publishers rejected The Tale of Peter Rabbit, so she printed two hundred and fifty copies privately.  Beatrix was interested in all aspects of book production, from the conception of the story, to the binding.  She made her books as cheap as possible to reach as many children as she could; after all, they could buy it with pocket change.  Her books were tiny to accommodate her readers’ tiny hands.  By the end of 1903, over 50,000 copies of Peter Rabbit had sold.  The publishers that rejected this classic tale must have been regretting their rejection.
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Being a keen businesswoman, Beatrix paid close attention to what her audience desired.  She looked for innovative ways to capitalize on her creations.  Shortly after publishing Peter Rabbit, she created a Peter Rabbit doll, which was followed by wallpaper and a board game.  She tested her prose on her friends’ children who were always thrilled by her tales.  The merchandising began with Beatrix’s interest in finding new ways to expand her imaginary world.  Her tales have been translated into over 35 languages and have been published all over the world.

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Beatrix always wrote what she knew and was inspired by real animals and their unique personalities.  The real Peter Rabbit was Beatrix’s pet, “Peter Piper.”  She often sketched him in front of the fire lying on the hearth rug.  The Tale of Benjamin Bunny is modeled after her first pet rabbit who she smuggled into the nursery in a brown bag.  His name was “Benjamin H. Bouncer” and he was fond of treats and hot buttered toasts!
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Beatrix with Peter Rabbit

Beatrix with Peter Rabbit

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The Tale of Jemima Puddle-Duck, is based on a farm duck who often scampered off to lay eggs in secret nesting places.  Sometimes Beatrix had to use a hen to sit on Jemima’s eggs.  Jemima was always scampering off somewhere, neglecting her eggs.  Beatrix blended fantasy and reality flawlessly.  Her imaginary world was filled with truth.  This tale in particular is so closely associated with Hill Top Farm that it has been described as a “poem of the farm itself.”  The farm’s idyllic landscapes are still recognizable today.

For the last thirty years of her life, Beatrix focused on preserving her beloved land that inspired so many stories.  She preserved Lake District for future generations and ensured the area would be untouched by developers.  In her seventies she wrote, “as I lie in bed, I can walk step by step on the fells and rough lands, seeing every stone and flower...where my old legs will never take me again.”  Towards the end of her life she stated, “If I have done anything -- even a little -- to help small children appreciate honest, simple pleasures, I have done a bit of good.”

Beatrix at her beloved Hill  Top Farm

Beatrix at her beloved Hill Top Farm

Beatrix Potter has done quite a bit of good.  We at Kards Unlimited love her to pieces!  She shares our love of animals, nature, simplicity, gardening, children, and imagination!!!  We have a complete collection of her tales that includes even more information on this amazing woman’s life.  Did you know she was engaged and within a month her fiance died?  Yep, that tragic bit of information is in the book, along with much more!  If you have kids, or you are a kid at heart, these tales will warm your soul and make you want to find animals to observe!  So come in to KU, grab a sketchbook, then go back out and bond with nature!  And if this post gave you the gardening itch, we sell “Garden-in-a-Bag,” it makes gardening a sitch.  Go forth into the world and make Beatrix Potter proud on her birthday!!!!
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22 Jul
2015

Peanut’s Seven Books to Read

The Witches by Roald Dahl

This is a children’s story you must re-read as an adult!  Supremely creepy.

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The Complete Works of Poe by Edgar Allan Poe

I love the fact that there’s a section detailing Poe’s life and that his poetry is included.  Poe is more than just The Tell-Tale Heart!  Plus if you’ve never read The Bells out loud, you may want to get on that.

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The Girl With All the Gifts by MR Carey

This is the absolute best zombie novel I have ever read!  A wonderful story that delves into what it means to be human, what it takes to survive, and who one becomes in the face of destruction.  Plus, the zombie virus in the novel is inspired by the fungus that infects ants in the Amazon commonly referred to as the “zombie fungus.”  If you don’t know, the fungus eventually bursts forth from the ant’s head. Then, they die.  Oh hey, this is also being turned into a movie!

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The Power and the Glory by Graham Greene

One of my favorite characters of all time is the “whiskey priest.”  He is flawed in many ways, but stays true his moral code.  He doesn’t take any shit.  He does what he wants.  Like Eric Cartman.

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Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Everytime I read this novel, I find more truth within it.  Huxley’s writing style is lyrical and at times reads as philosophy.  If you buy this book you will read it for years to come.

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The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson

Maze-like murder mansion….need I say more?  I’ve read a few books focusing on serial killers, but HH Holmes’ story is one of the most intriguing and bizarre.  Also Leonardo Dicaprio is making this book into a movie.  Win!

That's Leo buying up those film rights.

That's Leo buying up those film rights.

Budding Prospects by TC Boyle

This book is like if On the Road had any direction whatsoever.  It’s a humorous novel and a great introduction to TC Boyle if you’re unfamiliar with his work.

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13 Jul
2015

Jean Luc Picard MAKE IT SO

Captain’s Log.

 

Lieutenant LaForge still has no explanation for the strange man who materialized aboard the Enterprise.  His appearance is strikingly similar to my own.  His name is Patrick Stewart.  He claims to be from Earth year 2015.  He even has the same birthday as me, though he was born 365 years before me.

Am I Picard or Stewart???

Am I Picard or Stewart???

He seems to have no nefarious motives and was as surprised as we were at his mysterious sudden arrival.  Patrick Stewart has led an interesting life that parallels my own in many ways.  We share a kinship of sorts.  He is an English actor who rose to fame playing a starship captain on the show Star Trek: The Next Generation with a crew much like my own.  The similarities are eerie, especially since his character on the television program even shares my name.
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When I asked Patrick to describe his starship captain he said that his captain is known for his vast intelligence, mastery of diplomacy and debate, patience, tactical cunning, and moral compass.  Who am I to argue with that?!  Thats quite the character reference!  Stewart said, “It came to a point where I had no idea where Picard began and I ended.  We completely overlapped.  His voice became my voice, and there were other elements of him that became me.”  This Patrick Stewart isn’t only a force in the science fiction world, he is also known for his charity work and activism.

This is what a feminist looks like

This is what a feminist looks like

His political leanings stem from his belief in equality.  He is a self proclaimed feminist and socialist.  In July 2012, he was honored with the privilege of carrying the Olympic torch in London.  Although he has also been knighted by Queen Elizabeth, he says that carrying the torch was more impressive.  I’ll wager he drank earl grey tea (hot) over crumpets with Her Majesty the Queen if he’s anything like myself.

Picard Maneuver my ass!

Picard Maneuver my ass!

And when he isn’t winning awards for his acting or receiving some of the highest honors on Earth, he enjoys racing his neighbor Jeremy Clarkson, flying helicopters with James McAvoy, though apparently he found it quite terrifying, Starship Captain indeed!  I don’t think he would be comfortable engaging the Picard Maneuver!  He showed me photos of him rescuing a baby bird and playing in a ball pit with a wife half his age (maybe there’s hope for Beverly and I yet!).  He even had early onset baldness like myself.

This is something I'm going to have to work on programming into the holodeck for Beverly.

This is something I'm going to have to work on programming into the holodeck for Beverly.

Lieutenant LaForge is working on a solution to get him back to his proper time period, but for now we are all enjoying this man’s company.  He is putting on a Shakespearean performance tonight with the help of the crew.  We are all excited.

Look he ran into the Doctor too!

Look he ran into the Doctor too!

Captain’s Log Supplemental
Patrick Stewart vanished after his riveting Shakespearean performance.  I have never seen a soliloquy quite like his.  We are all fortunate to have met such a talented man from a century long before our own who shares values with Starfleet.  Men and women from the past like Patrick Stewart were the beginning of a much larger movement on Earth towards a united planet that values peace.  Yes, we are lucky to have met him.

Stewart on Halloween

Stewart on Halloween

We don't carry this fake perfume, but we do carry Star Trek cuff links, mugs, and lunchboxes.  Quick, #1 to Kards Unlimited!  Engage!

We don't carry this fake perfume, but we do carry Star Trek cuff links, mugs, and lunchboxes. Quick, #1 to Kards Unlimited! Engage!

21 Jun
2015

Grey has arrived…what are you doing tonight?

We at Kards Unlimited have received the much anticipated and highly controversial Grey by E.L. James.  If you aren't familiar with Grey yet, it is 50 Shades of Grey told by Christian Grey. Learn about Christian's traumatic childhood which haunts him every single night.  Come on by and pick up your copy to see what all the fuss is about.

Oh yeah...he knows what all the fuss is about.

Oh yeah...he knows what all the fuss is about.

If you are looking to spend a night in with your honey, we have great products for adventurous lovers.  Whether you want to feel sexy, romantic, fun, or sassy, we have the product for you. My personal favorites are the Kama Sutra massage candles.  Light the wick and relax for twenty minutes, blow the wick out, let it sit for a few minutes, then begin giving your lover a massage they won't forget.

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Scents include: tropical plumeria, Mediterranean almond, coconut pineapple, island passion fruit, and cocoa mint seduction

For a more playful and artistic time, the Lover's Body Paint is a must.  Edible and arousing.  Enjoy a meal of Penis Pasta, or Pasta Boobs, then you can eat dessert directly off someone else's body...yum.   If edible body paint isn't your thing, the glow-in-the-dark finger paint is a fun way to paint the stars on your partner's body.  Play hide-and-seek in the covers...with no clothes on!

And if you are a die hard 50 Shades fan, we carry the Sex Mischief line for all your light bondage needs.  We can even sell you a sex contract!

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Sexy Stuff for Sexy Customers!!!  

If you need some inspiration, the Fetish Play dice and our Kama Sutra books will help you get through the night, or the day.

So if you want to try something new in the bedroom this week, we can help!  We love to help!