Articles by " Terry"
18 Nov
2013

An Open Letter to Whom it May Concern on Married to a Scorpio Support Day

twosupport

You will need so much support. So. Much.

I am completely aware that the majority of people give little to no merit to Astrology, but over the past year or so I've done a decent amount of reading and research in attempts to find an explanation for my ridiculous personality, and I'm pretty sure I've found the culprit. My name is Terry and I am a Scorpio. Scorpios, also known as the most intense sign in the Zodiac, are described as intuitive, curious, secretive, competitive, etc, etc, so on and so forth with just about every abrasive character attribute you can think of. Aside from my inability to keep anything remotely personal to myself, I am a pretty cookie cutter definition of a Scorpio, and I usually exist as such under a constant motto of  "Sorry I'm not sorry for being a Scorpio and also, thanks for dealing with me." 

November 18th is National Married to a Scorpio Support day. I'm not married, but I feel as though anyone who finds themselves in any kind of close relationship with the likes of us Scorpios could use a little support. I know I can be a handful, and even more so, I know that my intuition tends to freak people out. This might be the reason that I have only ever found myself in romantic relationships with Cancers, who are said to be the most compatible match for Scorpios. I can't even imagine how much support a non-Cancer committed to a Scorpio might need. Even so, being as stubborn as my sign indicates, I very rarely feel inclined to apologize for my Scorpio-ness. SO, I'm here, just this once, to preemptively apologize to my future husband.

Dearest tall, handsome, intelligent, creative, amazing, wonderful, future husband,

I'm sorry for:

  • being better at giving gifts to you than you are to me
  • knowing why you're behaving weirdly even when you think you've covered all your tracks
  • never ever stopping with the questions: why did you do this? what was the point of that? what is the meaning of life?
  • demanding that there be a reason for every single thing that you do
  • remembering everything, down to your great grandmother's middle name and exactly what you ordered for lunch the day we held hands in public for the third time
  • forgetting that you exist for 12 hours at a time while I get wrapped up in something that I'm writing or painting
  • "not wanting to talk about it right now" i.e. shutting you out when I'm too frustrated to explain to you everything that seems to make so much sense to me
  • flipping out that one time you didn't call cause you said you would and for some reason it was a really huge deal
  • loving you so ferociously that it verges on terrifying sometimes
  • stealing your thunder more often than not
  • being just a little bit manipulative and a little bit too secretive sometimes because I think I'm protecting you or something that I swear is done with good intentions but maybe isn't fully thought through
  • being a bossy handful
  • driving you crazy (in all the best ways)

Now stop screwing around on the internet and go make me dinner.

I love you,

Me

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11 Nov
2013

“A lack of seriousness has led to all sorts of wonderful insights.”

I had a history teacher in tenth grade who hated me for, honestly, no legitimate reason. Everyone adored him because he was kind of a goofball and always had interesting stories to tell about the time he spent living in Oman and other obscure eastern European countries that, as self-absorbed fifteen year olds more concerned about who was dating who than international politics, we had never heard of before. I had a bad taste in my mouth about this teacher for most of my time as his pupil, but there is one thing that I am forever grateful to him for, and that is assigning us Slaughter House Five for summer reading.

November 11th is not only my favorite date on the calendar (11/11), but also Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday.

Vonnegut passed away in 2007 and I somehow ended up on an airplane somewhere shortly thereafter whose in-flight magazine happened to have published Vonnegut's last interview. I should have taken it with me, but luckily the Internet exists so I found it online. As a writer and artist, Vonnegut's legacy is one that I admire immensely, so I wanted to share a quote from  this last interview that has stuck with me ever since:

"I asked my son Mark what he thought life was all about, and he said, “We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.” I think that says it best. You can do that as a comedian, a writer, a painter, a musician. He’s a pediatrician. There are all kinds of ways we can help each other get through today. There are some things that help. Musicians really do it for me. I wish I were one, because they help a lot. They help us get through a couple hours."

I write and paint with the goal of relating to others, to make it as evident as possible that I am just as human as the next person. I listen to music for the same reason, to be reminded that I'm not the only person who feels like the world is ending every time winter rolls around, or to remind myself that sometimes all you need to do is just blast some Beyonce and dance around your bedroom. I write to tell stories because I believe that every person's story has something to teach you. And I read to try to understand and parse out those lessons, whether they come disguised is the form of Tralfamadorians or as simple as this quote about living life with a lack of seriousness.

"Yes. The world is too serious. To get mad at a work of art — because maybe somebody, somewhere is blowing his stack over what I’ve done — is like getting mad at a hot fudge sundae."

Happy Birthday Kurt, you are the greatest.

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21 Oct
2013

Pterodactyls Are Awesome.

Ke$ha and I have a ton of things in common. Among these many things is our mutual love of dinosaurs. I’ve often said that baby dinosaurs are my spirit animal. There’s an audio recording of my mom asking me questions when I was three years old where she asks me if I know where I live, to which I answer, naturally, “Yeah! Juwassic Pawk.” I actually lived in Point Breeze at the time, but hey, same thing, right?

If I were a pterodactyl, this is what I would look like.

If I were a pterodactyl, this is what I would look like.

One of my biggest regrets in life is not being enrolled in my elementary school until first grade, meaning that I missed kindergarten there, thus missing my opportunity to take part in the kindergarten dinosaur play. However, I did get to see the kindergarten dinosaur play every year after that, so I did pick up on the totally awesome songs about dinosaurs, and I’m proud to say I still remember a few of them. My favorite one goes a little something like this:

Terry Pterodactyl, Bertha Brontosaurus,

Trinie the Triceratops, Stanley Stegosaurus,

Tom Tyrannosaurus, He is carnivorous,

Join in with me now and sing another chorus!

You might be wondering why this random girl you’ve never seen on the KU Blog is talking about dinosaur plays put on by kindergarteners. Well, I’ll tell ya: October is National Raptor Month! And now you might be thinking, “only one of the dinosaurs in that song is a raptor…” and you’re right. Raptors are, by definition, birds of prey (and actually not technically dinosaurs at all, but shhh, don't tell anyone). Anyways, to be frank, I couldn't really care less about any other birds of prey aside from Pterodactyls. For one, birds of prey that actually still exist are creepy and weird (vultures? Yuck. No thanks.) But most importantly, my name is Terry and I freaking love dinosaurs. So, the fact that there is a song about dinosaurs that involves a Pterodactyl with whom I share a name (AND A FLYING kindof DINOSAUR NONETHELESS) is just about the coolest thing that ever happened to me.  (Note: Pterosaurs were winged or flying lizards, and dinosaurs, by definition, walked on land and could not fly, but we're just going to pretend for now, ok? ok great.)

ferruginous-hawk

See? Terrifying.

So, according to the powers that be who decided that October is Raptor Month, we should take some time out of our busy, Halloween-preparing, all-things-pumpkin-flavored-eating schedules this month to celebrate the migration of non-extinct birds of prey. Hawks, Osprey, Falcons are all raptors -- you know, all those big scary birds with talons that swoop down from the sky and snatch small furry animals to eat. That’s all fine and well, but now I hope that you’ll also take some time to have a moment of silence for my long lost spirit sister, Terry Pterodactyl.

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17 Oct
2013

Gimme Pizza! P-I-Z-Z-A!

 

Book-It-Button-Pizza-Hut

The best thing that ever happened to my developing literacy.

Who remembers Book It? I.e. the greatest thing that ever happened to elementary school children of the 90's and early 2000's. Read a book, get a gold star for your totally awesome Book It button. Get 5 stickers and get a free personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. If someone made this a thing for adults today, I would most certainly spend less time on the internet and more time reading, if only for the sake of pizza. Pizza is awesome. Pizza comes in so many varieties, so many types of crust, so many toppings, so many cheeses, so hot and cheesy, oh my goodness I am so hungry.

Now, in honor of October being National Pizza Month, I'm gonna take you all on a walk down all-things-90's-pop-culture-and-pizza-related-memory lane.

Mary-Kate and Ashley's Pizza Party was clearly the coolest party of 1997. And yes, I still sing this song every now and then when I really really want pizza, like right now.

A-Pizza-the-Size-of-the-Sun-Prelutsky-Jack-9780688132354

"I’m topping my pizza with mountains of cheese,
with acres of peppers, pimentos, and peas,
with mushrooms, tomatoes, and sausage galore,
with every last olive they had at the store."

Dane says he thinks the pizza in this Jack Prelutsky poem sounds disgusting, but this book holds a special place in my heart, and besides, I think any pizza sounds delicious -- you can always pick off the toppings you don't like, right? Though personally, I prefer pineapple or sausage.

dougfunnypizza

I wonder if Quail Man liked Pizza too...

 

I have no idea what Doug Funny is doing in this picture but I would not be opposed to someone leaving me pizza through a mail slot, as long as it means that I'd have pizza right now.

tmnt1

 

HOW AWESOME IS THIS NINJA TURTLES PIZZA, DUDE?!

tmnt-vote-pizza-party-shirt

This is all I have to say in response to the government shutdown.

 

Clearly, TMNT knows what's really important: Pizza, fighting bad guys, and more pizza. I hope you're all sufficiently hungry for pizza now, and maybe a bit nostalgic for the 90's, when Pizza seemed to solve all problems. So, go out, get some pizza, celebrate national pizza month, and forget your problems for a few moments. I recommend the white pizza from Aiello's on Murray Ave in Squirrel Hill, or anything with ranch dressing from Sorrento's on Atwood in Oakland. ENJOY THE CHEESY GOODNESS!

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14 Oct
2013

Grouch Day!

Most people associate October with Halloween and maybe the arrival of Fall, but what you may not know is that October is also home to Grouch Day. Unbeknownst to me, I combined these two holidays for Halloween of 2001, and I even won 5$ out of the whole ordeal. Oscar The Grouch, the infamous character who lives in a trash can somewhere on Sesame Street, was always my second favorite character on the show (second, that is, to Snuffalufagus, because, I mean, come on, who can't love a giant sleepy-eyed woolly mammoth puppet). It also seems fitting that Oscar would be my second favorite, something for him to get grouchy about if he were to ever find out, I'm sure.

This is how I feel on Mondays sometimes.

For Halloween that year, with a little help from my dad, I built a wearable garbage can out of two hula hoops and some silver fabric, wore a green turtle neck and painted my entire face green, complete with a really gnarly painted on unibrow. I looked terrifying, but for some reason didn't seem to care how this may affect my prepubescent, 5th grade reputation. What puzzles me even more about this costume decision I made is that I don't remember being a particularly grouchy person at age nine, but maybe I just really wanted to wear a trashcan for a day. I'm not sure. Anyways, on Halloween night, after collecting a butt load of candy, I entered a costume contest in our neighborhood and won, which was sweet. I'm sure I spent that 5$ on something really important... I hoped to find a picture of myself in my costume but alas, it is lost in my house somewhere. This less terrifying and way cuter costume is also pretty nifty.

The cutest grouch there ever was.

The cutest grouch there ever was.

As another more friendly muppet once said, "It's not easy being green." So whether you're feeling more green than usual lately or not, remember to give an extra smile towards the grouches you may encounter on October 15th, it's not easy being them.

p.s. this exists.

no comment.

no comment.

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