festivus1Tired of all the consumerism of the holiday? Fed up with not being able to find that ONE gift that is out of stock EVERYWHERE? Get the urge to punch anyone with too much holiday cheer? Then Festivus is for you, my friend! Celebrated on the 23rd of December, Festivus is indeed a holiday for the rest of us. How did it come about? It all started with Frank Costanza:

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born … a Festivus for the rest of us!

And so, Festivus was born! Want to celebrate Festivus but don't know how? Here are a few things that you're gonna want to be aware of:

fullsizeFestivusPoleThe Festivus Pole - This is nothing more than an aluminum pole. Inexpensive, simple, and has a high strength-to-weight ratio. It is completely unadorned because "tinsel is distracting".

4The Airing of Grievances - This takes place immediately after Festivus dinner has been served (Dinner should consist of either meatloaf or spaghetti and no alcohol, btw). Each participant tells friends and family of all the instances where they disappointed him or her that year. Make sure to include your guests on how much they disappointed you as well!

The Feats of Strength - This normally follows the Airing of Grievances. Festivus isn't officially over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned.Don't forget to remove any bulky clothing and shout the phrase "Let's Rumble"

The Festivus Miracle - Anything can be a Festivus Miracle... really. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. Your friend who you invited to the dinner and who had rsvped and actually showed up when the said they would? A FESTIVUS MIRACLE Your brother and his wife are fighting for the umpteenth time about their children? A FESTIVUS MIRACLE! The toilet is clogged? A FESTIVUS MIRACLE! (You get the idea)

festivus-7113951Are you tired of buying and giving gifts, only to have people tell you they made a donation to a charity in your name? Don't forget about The Human Fund! Don't spend any money this year, just give people this card and save yourself the hassle and stress of shopping! Make people think you care when you actually just can't be bothered!

You now know all you need to know about Festivus! Come celebrate with the rest of us curmudgeons! Happy Festivus to All and to All a Goodnight!

 

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