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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Air Condition Appreciation Days. From July 3-August 15, we take time to be grateful for this marvel of modern ingenuity. It is therefore mandatory that you bow before your almighty unit of cooling goodness once a day, as to not anger the A/C powers that be and make the summer hotter. Can you imagine what life would be like without these beautiful machines? They suck in warm air, cool it, and then pump it through your house, making you feel all cozy under a blanket (paradoxically redundant when you think about how hot it is outside). We all know the feeling, you're sitting inside all nice and cool, and then you step outside. That is when the world comes crashing down and you start to feel like the Wicked Witch of the West. #Melting.

 

 

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All hope is lost

Actually, a lot of us know life without A/C. Living in a dorm, a small apartment, or any place that didn't install a unit to save money. There is no shame in it, it costs an arm and a leg, and they break down when it gets really hot outside. Then your apartment turns into a proverbial swamp of sadness, drenching you in the sweat of your displeasure. Those who have lived in one or more of these places know of the harsh realities: the ungodly heat, the unimaginable stench, and the rampant swamp ass.

 

swamp ass

 

 

Yes, swamp ass. You know, when your pants get overly sweaty, causing you to 1.) Feel like you messed yourself and 2.)Itch in the most unreachable places. Gross right? So crank up that A/C, sit down, be grateful for a working unit, and wish for the first day of winter….Just kidding, if you wish for winter, your air conditioning will break and you will turn into goo. Let’s not have anymore of that winter bullshit. But for real, if you don't have A/C or are trying to get your electric bill down, get moving to a store in Shadyside, possibly one called Kards Unlimited, and enjoy a loving cool breeze....and maybe buy some awesome stuff  ;)

 

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So, what do you think?