Wel­come April! April show­ers bring all sorts of fun hol­i­days! While swin­ter fin­ish­es up and we get those quin­tes­sen­tial grey ‘burgh days, we’ve also got a bunch of things to smile about. Grilled cheese, Nation­al Uni­corn Day, Drop Every­thing And Read Day, and Inter­na­tion­al Juggler’s Day, to name a few. Read on to see what else we’re cel­e­brat­ing this mon­th!

We have a few mon­th long cel­e­bra­tions this mon­th: Alco­hol Aware­ness Mon­th (alco­hol is cool and all, except for when it isn’t), Grilled Cheese Mon­th (cheeeeeeseeeeeeeeeeeeee), Nation­al Knuck­les Down Mon­th (this shit has to do with MARBLES), and STD’s Mon­th. Don’t itch that scratch.

First and fore­most, April begins with the 40th Annu­al Maple Syrup Fes­ti­valApril Fools Day, and the Pitts­burgh Pan­cakes & Booze Art Show. That’s no joke! Next up is Nation­al Peanut But­ter & Jel­ly Day (PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY TIME), Inter­na­tion­al Children’s Book Day, and Great Lovers Day. What’s your favorite children’s book? Get ready for a weird one on April 3- it’s Tweed Day, Nation­al Choco­late Mousse Day, and Fish Fin­gers & Cus­tard Day. Mmm­m­mm, cus­tard. Grab a bur­ri­to, plan your epi­taph, get a beer, and whistle on the 6th for Nation­al Bur­ri­to DayPlan Your Epi­taph Day, New Beer’s Eve, and Inter­na­tion­al Whistler’s Day. The week ends with a smash­ing com­bi­na­tion of World Health DayEmpow­ered Wom­en Entre­pre­neurs Day, the Pirates Home Open­er v. Atlanta Braves (PLAY BALL!!!!) and Nation­al Walk to Work Day. Hope you don’t live far out­side of tahn!

Birth­days this week:
1 Anne McCaf­frey, the Weasley Twins, and Bart Simp­son
2 Hans Chris­tian Ander­son
4 Robert Downey Jr.
6 Paul Rudd

Stop hey, what’s that sound? It’s about a bil­lion of the cutest dogs in Pitts­burgh out for a walk at the SAME TIME. April 8 is the Bark Shadyside Pup Walk, plus a Yard Sale + Neigh­bor­hood Flea! It is con­ve­nient­ly also Dog Fart­ing Aware­ness Day. Did you know the aver­age dog farts 17 times a day? We just made that up but doesn’t it sound so…right? April 8–16 is Nation­al Robot­ics Week, and April 9–15 is Nation­al Library Week. Research robots at the library! Get mag­i­cal on April 9th for Nation­al Uni­corn Day, and then come back to earth for Passover, which is April 10–18. April 10 is Sib­ling Day (give em a noo­gie), fol­lowed on the 11th by Bar­ber­shop Quar­tet Day. (Hel­lo, hel­lo, hel­lo, hel­looooooooooooo). April 12 is Drop Every­thing And Read Day AND Inter­na­tion­al Day of Human Space Flight. Oh what fun it is to rii­i­i­i­i­ide in a big met­al space­ship to… spaceeeeeeeeeeee. Fin­ish this week up by kick­ing ASS in Scrab­ble for Scrab­ble Day.

Birth­days this week:
8 Chan­dler Bing

If you’ve been pro­cras­ti­nat­ing doing your tax­es, you prob­a­bly want to remem­ber that April 15 is Tax Day. Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you! April 15 is also Nation­al Glazed Spi­ral Ham Day, and That Sucks Day. Hope­ful­ly nei­ther your tax­es or your ham suck. The East­er bun­ny comes in April 16, and it might be in its jam­mies for Nation­al Wear Your Paja­mas to Work Day. On April 17, talk like Char­lie Brown’s teacher for Blah Blah Blah Day. On the 18th, jug­gle approx­i­mate­ly every­thing you pick up for Inter­na­tion­al Juggler’s Day. Sor­ry Whiskers, got­ta do what I got­ta do. Then get some breath mints, because the 19th is Nation­al Gar­lic Day AND Nation­al Amaret­to Day. Phew. What a smelly day. April 20th is 4/20Get to Know Your Cus­tomers Day, and High Five Day. Come on in, give us a high five and we can chat about you and life. Like, total­ly dude. Last­ly but not, erm, least­ly, April 21 is John Muir Day. He advo­cat­ed for the preser­va­tion of wilder­ness *before it was cool* back in the 1800s.

Birth­days this week:
15 Emma Wat­sonHen­ry James, and Leonar­do da Vin­ci

This week begins awe­some-ly with Earth Day and Nation­al Send Your Man Nudes Day. Sor­ry not sor­ry for pics of earth in the nude. On Talk Like Shake­speare Day (April 23), thee knoweth what tis  wench. April 26 is Nation­al Pret­zel Day and Admin­is­tra­tive Pro­fes­sion­als’ Day. Sooooooooo you’re buy­ing your admins pret­zels, yes? On Morse Code Day (April 27), refuse to speak and use Morse code instead. April 28 is Arbor Day, so you should GO PLANT A DAMN TREE. April 30 is Walpur­gis­nacht and Inter­na­tion­al Jazz Day. Get your pointy black hat and your sax­o­phone, yinz!

Birth­days this week:
22 Vladimir Nabokov
23 William Shake­speare
25 Hank Azaria
27 Eey­ore
28 Ter­ry Pratch­ett, and Harper Lee
29 Jer­ry Sein­feld
30 Lis­beth Salan­der

So, what do you think?