Did I stutter?

Hello! My name is C-3P0, human-cyborg relations. Has anyone ever really thought about what I mean when I say that? I know not everybody can be fluent in over six million forms of communication, so allow me to translate: My name is C-3P0 and I am trying to get down with some human-cyborg relations!!! The girls (Yes, girls. Despite what your human stereotypes have taught you) in this galaxy have been a pain in my shiny, rock-hard, metal ass since it was a dull, beat-up piece of tin. It seems I was made to suffer. It's my lot in life. But this is not one of those extreme circumstances where surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Allow me to share the woeful tale of my romantic adventures.


It all started on Tatooine, where I was built, with the first girl I ever met. I wasn't as good-looking then as I am now, but what I lacked in shiny, gold exterior I made up for with manners and a charming British accent. Her name was Padme Amidala, and she was the first girl I ever loved. We traveled the galaxy together, but it was not meant to be. Turns out her boyfriend was a BIT of a psycho. Those who know me are aware that courage is not exactly my strong suit. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.

Chill, bro.


The next girl I met was probably the hottest girl in the whole galaxy, and she knew it. She had it all: Looks, class, wealth, and just a little bit of moxy...well maybe more than a little bit of moxy. Plus she could sing! 

Yes, Princess Leia was the catch of a life time, and everybody was trying to get a bite.

Nobody could tie this little mamasita down. Well, actually one guy managed to tie her down, but it didn't turn out so well for him. He died. Luckily I'm not really that into B&D, so I still thought my chances we looking pretty good with Leia. She wasn't really going for the two mooks we were with, and I saw her checking me out. In hindsight, she may have just been using my reflective body to make sure her cinnabons were tied properly.

And then this happened:

Chewy likes to watch.




Right in front of me too! I was shocked! Shocked, I tells ya! I saw my new hopes pulverized before my very eyes. I thought she was gone forever; That my odds of getting the girl of my dreams had increased to approximately 423,000 to one. I couldn't take much more of that.

But there was one thing that nobody there knew.

They are brother and sister.


And just like that, I was back in the running. Of course, so was everyone else. And when I say everyone...I mean everyone. Her worshipfulness got around, my friend...if you know what I mean. Check these scandalous shots I found on her facebook page.

Hell, even I finally got a slice of that, but by the time she got to me she had already shagged the wookiee and a gamorrean guard. Suddenly human-cyborg relations weren't so appealing anymore.

More like Princess Lay-a, amirite?!

But I won't give up. I am getting back on this crazy ride. So all the single ladies, check out my eHarmony profile and gimme a call! Here are some photos of what I have in mind:

I see what you did there...


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So, what do you think?