13 May

Colbert Nation

Nation, today we celebrate the birth of  a man. But not just a man, a patriot, who maybe the greatest American that America has ever had the pleasure of birthing into her amber waves of grain, Mr. Stephen T. Colbert.


Her purple mountains are where the action is.

Like any true American, I'm sure you admire, and aspire to be this man, but before you get ahead of yourself, let me lay down some truthiness. These are just some of the mere accomplishments you'd have to achieve in order to even be in the running.

1. Have a new species of spider named after you.

colbert spider

Aptostichus Stephencolberti

2. Have a NASA space station treadmill named after you.



Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill

3. Sponsor a U.S. Olympic team.

People Stephen Colbert

Even if it is Speed Skating

4. Have a flavor of ice cream named after you.


Ameri-cone Dream

5. Have your DNA preserved in space.



6.Have your own  comic book/character.


Tek Jansen: Defender of Freedom

Yeah. All that. And this list is super minuscule in the over all achievements of Colbert, the greatest American.  I could go on and on, but the Ameri-cone  ice cream would melt and the cake would go stale. Happy Birthday Stephen!


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So, what do you think?