That's my "50 shades of what now?" face.

Well, since the world has just finished reeling from the whole 50 shades of Grey moving THING that happened, I figured now was the perfect time for me to review 50 shades of Kale. Kale is in now, guys. And this cookbook is all about teaching you how to treat it right.

Seriously. the first chapter, Submit to Her Charms, includes a section called "How to Treat Her Right". They weren't messing around with the whole 50 shades theme. This books is strangely.... sexual? about Kale. but like, not in a scary way.

For real though, if you know someone who is obsessed with Kale and has a sense of humor, this is like the perfect gift for them. because it's yeah. you love kale. You love her hard. and fresh. and wet. It's funny, guys.

So there are over 50 recipes in this book, and I was tempted by a lot of them. I mean, there's Kale omelets, energy drinks, ramen, bloody marys, sorbet, steak fajitas, SO MANY THINGS. with Kale.

I actually chose two recipes to try, but was only able to make one of them, do to a fruit incident. (The Kiwis were like rock hard for a week and then they were still rock hard and I gave up on them) So, for your reading pleasure, I have reviewed the wonderful yumtastic mushroom and kale risotto.


mmmmm cooking.

So. I'm going to be honest, this recipe had one (pretty significant) flaw that I didn't notice until it was too late. The instructions call for 5 cups of thinly chopped Kale. because, you know it's a Kale recipe book. Problem is, after the ingredients list, kale is never mentioned again.

Yeah. That's right. In the KALE cookbook, they forgot to include the KALE.

So, I didn't figure this out until I was most of the way done making the risotto. My decision was to throw the kale in with the rice to cook down. and it was successful. but I have no idea what was ACTUALLY supposed to happen with it. whatevs.


a somewhat fuzzy picture of the final product. I should have taken another one but then my food was gone. Because I ate it.

The risotto was SO YUMMY guys. it was a really nice earthy, filling, fantastic hot meal of goodness. The flavor of mushroom was not at all overwhelming, it was nice and subtle, and I mean, you couldn't really taste the kale at all. For those of you who think they don't like Kale, you should just pretend that there is no Kale and you will still love it. And get lots of vitamins and stuff because Kale is a superfood or something like that. Even Ellen says so.

Anyway, I seriously recommend this book, for multiple reasons.

1. The recipes look amazing, and the one that I tried was FOR SURE amazing.
2. Just think of all the people who will get a kick out of seeing this in your Kitchen. "50 shades of KALE? whaaaat?" And then you can be like, right? it's cray. *cue giggles*
3. Imagine how fun it will be to drink that Kalejito while reading the other recipes out loud in your sexy voice. Go ahead. try some of this quotes out. You know you want to: "melted cheese and golden onions in this omelette are guaranteed to induce lust, but it's the mushrooms that will bring you to your knees." Not convinced?  Stop by the store. I'll read some of it FOR you. in my sexy voice. And if you're lucky, I'll break out 50 shades of Chicken too.


Mushroom and Kale Risotto

4 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ pound assorted mushrooms, chopped
1 small onion or 2 leeks, white part only, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon minced fresh thyme or rosemary
½ teaspoon sea salt
1 cup risotto rice, such as Arborio, Carnaroli, or Vialone Nano. (Or, just regular rice.)
1 cup dry white wine
5 ounces kale, trimmed and thinly sliced (about 5 cups)
½ cup grated or shaved parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
¼ teaspoon cracked lack pepper

Place the broth in a small saucepan over low heat. Heat a large skillet over medium heat and add the olive oil. Add the mushrooms, onion, garlic, thyme and salt. Cook for 6 to 8 minutes, stirring often, until the mushrooms give off their liquid and the onion starts to soften. Add the rice and cook 1 minute more, stirring once or twice.

Add the wine and cook for 1 to 2 minutes, stirring continuously, until the liquid is completely absorbed. Add the Kale! Continue to add ½-cup amounts of the broth as the rice cooks, for a total of about 30 minutes, until the rice is softened but still al dente. Stir in half of the cheese and the butter. Sprinkle with the black pepper. Serve immediately with the remaining cheese.



So, what do you think?