October 30th is full of fun times just waiting to be had. Let's start with the one you're dying to know about. Create a Great Funeral Day.

CGFD is surprisingly not meant to be funny or scary or anything. It's supposed to be a real holiday in which family members get together to discuss funeral arrangements in an attempt to alleviate some of the stress later. What? Why? No. Most depressing family get together ever. Besides I've got my funeral planned out anyway: Since there will be no body as it will have burnt up upon reentry from space, there will just be a large party. Everyone is going to be getting wasted on cheap beer while Meatloaf (or his next of kin) plays the entirety of the Bat Out of Hell album trilogy. Done deal. Non-negotiable.

Can't wait to die.

Can't wait to die.

Moving on. Candy Corn Day. Mmmmmmm yes please. Who doesn't like candy corn? Communists probably. Or people allergic to yellow dye #5. But those people obviously lead sad sad lives.

What? And I'll take 6.

Why? And I'll take 6.

Candy corn is actually made of sugar, sugar, and wax. Americans buy 20 MILLION pounds of the stuff each year. Most of which will be around this time.  20 million pounds of sugar wax. They don't even look like corn!!

Maybe if you squint your eyes real hard.

Maybe if you squint your eyes real hard. And look out of the corner of your eye.

Finally let's talk about Devil's Night. First we'll talk about the Devil's Night that isn't fun and is actually scary. This is the form of Devil's Night that manifests in the form of arson. This is a serious problem in Detroit.  In 1984 there were more than 800 counts of arson. That's crazy. Detroit has really cracked down on it since then and enforces strict curfews the night before Halloween.

Not cool dudes.

Not cool dudes.

Now the fun part! The pranks. TPing trees, egging houses, lighting bags of poop on fire on peoples porches, throwing rotten vegetables. You know all that light hearted fun-time stuff that also usually goes too far at some point and gets kids in trouble. I was certainly never a cool enough kid to be out doing such things when I was growing up. I would have been playing Halloween themed Dungeons and Dragons instead. Ya, I'm cool. But my Dad told me a story when he was a kid of when he went out on Devil's Night. Him and his friend were throwing rotten vegetables from a hiding place at cars as they drove passed. It wasn't long before the smashed out a car's headlights and had to bolt off into the night as the angry driver came after them. But boy did my DnD games get wild!

Also let's talk about the movie the Crow since it happens on Devil's Night. It's so god damn awesome. Brandon Lee died making that. :.( That is all.

Goodnight sweet 90's gothic prince.

Goodnight sweet 90's gothic prince.

So enjoy all of your October 30th festivities however you want. Cept don't set any fires. Brandon Lee will come back to get you. I've seen him do it.

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So, what do you think?