It’s time for us to sit down and have a seri­ous con­ver­sa­tion about Bat­man. Specif­i­cal­ly the new face of bat­man: Ben Affleck.
What is that about. Who decid­ed that. I have feel­ings.
As some­one who has been a Bat­man fan for a good long while, I’m feel­ing a lit­tle whiplash. I mean, Bat­man is basi­cal­ly a shape-shifter, the­se days. So many people’s faces have claimed to be his face. And some of them have done so real­ly poor­ly. (I’m look­ing at you, Clooney)

So we got some pret­ty decent Bat­man action with Chris­tian Bale. It was a pret­ty thing they did, for sure. And I feel like a lot of peo­ple were like, that’s nice, we can be done for a hot min­ute, right?

I under­stand that DC is eye­balling Marvel’s suc­cess and wants to get in the action. And I am super excit­ed about Won­der Wom­an. But, anoth­er Bat­man??? mannnnnn.

Also, Ben Affleck, real­ly? his face is creepy. And will you LOOK at that pic­ture up there? Who in their right mind would believe that there is a real human being under that bulk-tas­tic suit. There is no way Ben Affleck bulked up that much. But it looks like they think I’m sup­posed to believe that, because there are like veins built into the suit. So like what, they want us to think that those are real mus­cles? nope. not hap­pen­ing. (also.… just say­ing, if we could actu­al­ly see viens pop­ping through, A, the mate­ri­al would not be pro­tec­tive at all and B, Where are his nip­ples, then, huh? What, bat­man wears pasties? what.) Also, where is his neck?

So those are my thoughts, any­way. Go ahead and start argu­ing. I’d love to hear it.

Mean­while, here is my sub­mis­sion for the REAL next Bat­man. Abed for Bat­man. He does it so well already.

So, what do you think?