May 8th marks the birth of famed heartbreaker and fellow teen-slayer, Katniss Everdeen (The Girl. On.  FYYYY-YARRRR!!!) and obviously we thought you all should know.  Ms. Everdeen could not be reached for comment, but a close friend tells us she plans on spending her special day just like any other: sleeping in a tree and avoiding the awkward affections of Peeta Mallarck, the baker-turned-camouflage-artist from Everdeen’s home in District 12.


But seriously – while I love K-Deen to death, I just cannot fathom why Peeta Mallarck is so hopelessly devoted to her.  Like, you heard her sing the national anthem one time a bajillion years ago and somehow that was the clincher?  You just knew you had to have her after that?  Not to mention she didn’t even know you existed until last year when the two of you were thrown into an arena together with a bunch of bloodthirsty children.  Just…go back to painting bark on your hand, Peeta.

Katniss is strong and beautiful and has a lot of other great qualities, I’m sure, but she doesn’t really seem like the kind of girl you fall in love with.  The only reason she deigns to even kiss boys is so she can get some broth.  I bet she looks for that little black parachute drifting down from the sky every time she plants a wet one on Peeta’s lips.


 Still, it must be said that I do have a soft spot for Peeta.  And by soft spot I mean hard spot.  And by Peeta I mean Josh Hutcherson.  Can’t say I imagined Peeta was all that attractive when I first read the books.


Peeta-chu. Obviously.

At any rate, happy birthday, Katniss!  And may the odds be ever in your favor.



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