"We are not gonna die. You know why? Because we are so. Very. Pretty."

While you may think at first that a swindling, thieving, gun-toting, Chinese-swearing space cowboy would not make an effective leader, you would be wrong. Captain Malcolm Reynolds is a man who can command a battle with the support of approximately three troops and still come out shiny. When he delivers a motivational speech, it will leave your ego teetering between lustful visions of glory and the despair of certain failure, and you’ll like it. And he does it all with spectacular swashbuckling style in his signature Rebel brown coat, gritty Alliance-trampling boots, and the tightest pants in the outer planets.

We’re celebrating the birth (474 years from today) of the infamous captain of the Serenity on the short-lived cult-favorite show Firefly. Nathan Fillion has been open about the fact that Mal Reynolds has been his favorite role to play, and I’d like to personally invite him to reprise the role, just for me, at any time.

What’s that? You want to know more about his pants? Have you seen our Captain Tightpants shirt? Yeah, it’s a tough nickname to shake once it’s out there. And he’s really not helping the cause with his “let me show you my thighs” stare. I’m getting one of these shirts to sleep in every night. Mal, you’re welcome to join me. I aim to misbehave.

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So, what do you think?