I was in the eighth grade – still a pubescent little punk – when I first realized I was doomed with a hopeless and endless attraction to smart men.  Our science teacher had just put on a video for us to watch, no doubt so she could sneak a few Fun Size Snickers bars in the chemical closet while we were distracted.  Then, as the videotape kicked into action this beautiful man appeared on the TV screen, wearing a big goofy bowtie, and calmly began to explain the inner workings of volcanoes to all of us students.  Thus, my brief, but no less intense crush on Bill Nye the Science Guy was born.

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Mmm...Brings back some fond memories.

Over the years, my list of smart and sexy men has grown to include not only scientists, but also writers like Augusten Burroughs, Neil Gaiman, and the weirdly wonderful China Miéville; a smattering of professional chefs, à la Tyler Florence and Jamie Oliver (accent excluded, of course); and even a handful of famous wizards from throughout the wide realm of fantastic literature.

There’s far too much to say about all of these sexy, sexy men, so I’ll have to pick just a few.  Let’s begin with China Miéville – by far my favorite author still writing today.  China – and I feel I can address him by his first name because he is my soul mate and our hearts call to each other – writes mostly in a genre known as “New Weird.”  His books are all incredibly creative and dark and subversive, and believe me, I could gush for pages and pages.  But what’s really striking about China is the fact that he has both a Masters’ degree and PhD in International Relations from the London School of Economics (smart), as well as a menagerie of dangerous-looking earrings hanging from his left ear (sexy).

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Smart...and sexy. Done.  Also, biceps.

As for the chefs, we all know there’s nothing sexier than a man who can cook, and Jamie Oliver definitely knows his way around the kitchen.  Not to mention he’s published like a billion cookbooks, which I guess makes him a writer, too?  Be still my heart.  When I was younger I would watch his cooking shows on mute, because I’m sorry, but that accent of his is just too much for me to handle.  Plus, if the TV’s muted then I can pretend Jamie is saying any number of things to me as he looks through the camera and straight into my living room, all the while grinning impishly.  But, for decency’s sake I’ll spare you any details.

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Jamie's quite the charmer. In my imagination, at least.

And finally, last but certainly not least sexy, we have the wizards.  Please tell me that at some point in our lives we haven’t all felt ourselves being drawn to a magically gifted individual.  There’s something deeply seductive about falling in love with a witch or wizard and then wondering if you really love that person, or if they’ve magicked you into loving them with a potion or enchantment.  Just that plot point alone has made for a million erotic fantasy novels…ahem, not that I’ve read any.

I’m sure plenty of people would suggest Harry Potter or even Draco Malfoy as the sexiest wizard of all time, but I’d have to disagree with you there.  To me, magic is all about knowledge.  The more you know, the more good – or the more harm – you have at your disposal, which is why you’ll find Gandalf, Voldemort, Dumbledore, and even Merlin at the very tippy top of my list of sexy gentlemen, rather than at the bottom with also-rans like Neville Longbottom and Ron Weasley.  Although I definitely would have liked to meet Future Neville – I'm sure he makes one sexy Herbology professor.

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Cho says: "Maybe when you're older, guys."

 

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