Your probably sitting their on you're couch reeding this like, "I'm a native English speaker I don't knead a lessen in grammer."

If that sentence made you want to die on the inside, then this blog is for YOU! Let's get some things straight though.

First rule of grammar club:

We DO NOT make fun of incorrect grammar usage by someone who speaks English as a second language (ESL) because

you probably can't explain why it's wrong. I've rarely heard someone laugh at a poorly written sign and say, "HAHAHAHHA MORPHOLOGY STRIKES AGAIN!"

A person who uses ESL probably knows more about English than you do; as a native English speaker we take the rules for granted and don't question them, but someone learning English is like "THIS IS THE STUPIDEST LANGUAGE" and in many ways, it is! Remember this old gem?

and this classic:

A lot of the rules we were taught growing up (and by we I mean 30-somethings and above who remember diagramming sentences in grade school. If you were me, it was the BEST! If you were a normal person, it was the worst...but if you're reading this, you're in the former camp).

But here's the thing (ack! I started a sentence with but! Shame!) the reasons we were told we couldn't do certain things are not relevant anymore. For example, one of these ancient rules is "you must not split an infinitive." WHY MUST WE NOT??????? Because (eeek I started a sentence with 'because'!! I FEEL LIKE A MILLENNIAL!!! I'M GONNA STAY UP PAST 9 TONIGHT!!!) Latin.  The infinitive in English takes the form 'to (verb)' as in "to go". So when Captain Kirk says "to boldy go" he is splitting up that sexy infinitive coupling with a motherfucking adverb. WTF amirite? Here's the thing though, in Latin, "to go" is only one word, "ire"...BUT WE DON'T SPEAK LATIN ANYMORE.

{Can I side track to nerd town for a sec? K thanks. Before I went to graduate school for Speech Language Pathology I had to brush up on some basics, but I realized that these basics weren't exactly basic to your average native English speaker. I fell so deeply madly in love with my Phonetics textbooks (and teacher, ahem) and as a result fell so SO back in love with language.

Getting outside the realm of grammar specifically, here's an example of a super awesome thing: an allophone! So in English, we've got these letters that makes sounds, let's take the letter /t/for example: it's called a phoneme; it represents a sound. When you weren't looking, /t/ went out and made a family! That's right, /t/ has it's own fucking family, and they are called phones. The [t] in tar is different from the [t] in star; if you put your hand in front of your mouth when you say "tar" you will feel a puff of air, and that is called an aspirated [t] and has it's own separate symbol! The [t] in "writer" sounds like a [d] when spoken, so that gets ITS OWN SYMBOL (called a flap) and this goes on, AND THAT'S JUST ENGLISH! These other /t/ sounds are allophones of /t/, aka, bastard children.

And don't get me started (yep I started a sentence with AND; screw you, Ann Landers) on how beautiful actual 3D depictions of spoken language are.}

End side track...you forgot you were in brackets didn't you! We're back to sassy town.

The 2nd rule of grammar club:


We DO make fun of the president of the United States if he makes a grammatical error, and here's why:

BECAUSE HE'S THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER AND IF HE DOESN'T KNOW BETTER HE SHOULD HIRE PEOPLE WHO DO KNOW BETTER BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LIFE WORKS

Going to leave you with a couple wonderful links: one will take you to a twitter account called TrumpGrammar...no explanation needed, and the second is a link to a study by CMU that found Trump's grammar to be just below a 6th grade level, Aslan save us all.

PEACE OUT (that's right I'm ending on a preposition. EAT IT.)

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So, what do you think?