Oh, July, you are the deli­cious epit­o­me of sum­mer. Hot days, hot dogs, corn on the cob, air con­di­tion­ing, ice cream, french fries, Inde­pen­dence Day… July makes me nos­tal­gic for those sticky ice pops with the plas­tic that will cut your lip, the pool, and sun­shine. Mmm. Click through to see all of our won­der­ful rea­sons to cel­e­brate this mon­th!

July 2015 Events

I drift­ed into a sum­mer-nap under the hot shade of July, ser­e­nad­ed by a cicadae lul­laby, to drowsy-warm dreams of dis­tant thun­der.” Ter­ri Guillemets

You had us at gay ice cream.

You had us at gay ice cream.

All of July!

 

 

In the month­ly depart­ment, we’ve got a lot!

AC Appre­ci­a­tion Days. The best warm weath­er inven­tion there is, TBH. Unless you’re count­ing run­ning through a lawn sprin­kler.

Nation­al Dog House Repairs Mon­th. Fido needs his crib look­in good! And besides, your dog is a real diva, amirite?

Nation­al Grilling Mon­th. Shrimp on the bar­bie, any­one? Or like, chick­en. Or beef. Or what­ev­er it is you eat.

Nation­al Ice Cream Mon­th. Creamy, deli­cious ice cream!

Nation­al Hot Dog Mon­th. I don’t care what’s in this thing, it is so deli­cious.

Nation­al Inde­pen­dent Retail­ers Mon­th. Why, it’s a whole mon­th for us! You shouldn’t have!

July 1-7

canadaday

Oh Canada, oh Canadaaaaaaaa, the­se are the only words all Amer­i­cans know to this song…

Birth­days this week: Indi­ana Jones (July 1), Franz Kafka (July 3), Robert Hein­lein and Dr. Wat­son (July 7)

Canada Day is July 1,  so you should go around fin­ish­ing every sen­tence with, “Eh?”  I For­got Day and World UFO Day are July 2. YOU FORGOT ABOUT UFOS JUST LIKE THE GOVERNMENT WANTED YOU TO. I for­got day is real­ly about mak­ing up for those birth­days and anniver­saries you inevitably for­got, because life.

independenceday

Who doesn’t need a card for Inde­pen­dence Day?

Inde­pen­dence Day and Inde­pen­dence from Meat Day are both cel­e­brat­ed on July 4. So um, eat a burg­er or eat someth
ing that resem­bles a burg­er but is real­ly just plant mat­ter made to look like a burg­er. What­ev. Amer­i­ca! The land of the free! If you’re going to a BBQ, the best thing you can bring is those pop­si­cles that are red white and blue because um deli­cious patri­o­tism.

Bikini Day is July 5, and bikin­is are encour­aged all day! Just make sure you aren’t anger­ing any busi­ness own­ers with the whole no shirt no shoes ser­vice thing. Lame-o’s. Inter­na­tion­al Kiss­ing Day and Take Your Web­mas­ter to Lunch Day fol­low on July 6 (kiss­ing your web­mas­ter is like­ly ques­tion­able but hey, it’s your life), and the week fin­ish­es off strong with Choco­late Day on July 7. Mmm choco­late. Sweet, melty in the heat choco­late.

 

July 8-14

Birth­days this week: E.B. White (July 11), Hen­ry David Thore­au (July 12), Patrick Stewart/Jean-Luc Picard (July 15)

Fries

Nation­al French Fries Day is July 13!

Ted­dy Bears Pic­nic Day is on July 10, so grab your ted­dies and your tea set and your blan­ket and head on out for a pic­nic! Chil­dren rec­om­mend­ed but not required for this cel­e­bra­tion. Slurpee Day hap­pens on July 11. Turn yo tongue blue! Coke is my per­son­al favorite fla­vor, though.

On Nation­al French Fries Day (July 13) you are per­mit­ted to shove glo­ri­ous hand­fuls of french fries into your mouth. When Inter­na­tion­al Town Criers Day arrives on July 13, dress in medieval garb and read the news from a scroll. Until peo­ple yell at you to stop because oh my god we all have smart­phones.

July 15-21

Birth­days this week: Hunter S. Thomp­son (July 18), Cor­mac McCarthy (July 20), Ernest Hem­ing­way (July 21)

IMAG1210

We love Hunter S. Thomp­son!

On St. Swithin’s Day (July 15), what­ev­er the weath­er does will hap­pen for the next 40 days. Alleged­ly. Nation­al Ven­tril­o­quism Week runs from July 15–18. So you’ll like­ly see peo­ple talk­ing out of the side of their mouth. Just be cool.

Nation­al Inde­pen­dent Retail­ers Week shares the spot­light with Nation­al Zookeep­er Week from July 19–25. Nation­al Ice Cream Day falls on July 19 and we strong­ly rec­om­mend a trip to our neigh­bors at Jit­ters, for some infa­mous Dave and Andy’s ice cream. You may or may not see us there fog­ging up the ice cream case with our desirous mouth breath­ing. Last but not least this week, Nation­al Lol­lipop Day is July 20. Do banks still hand out lol­lipops? Some­one should fig­ure that out.

June 1-7 (9)

PARISIAN

KU cards make our hearts grow three sizes

Birth­days this week: Daniel Rad­clif­fe (July 23), Alexan­dre Dumas (July 24), Beat­rix Pot­ter (July 28), Neville Long­bot­tom (July 30), Har­ry Pot­ter and J.K. Rowl­ing (July 31)

Casu­al Pi Day is July 22, or 22/7. Which is how they do dates in Europe. Try not to get con­fused. Any­way. When you divide 22/7, you get pi! Cray cray, right?

Rat Catch­ers Day (July 22) com­mem­o­rates the famous Pied Piper of Hamelin as well as a day to say “Thank You” to all present day exter­mi­na­tors. And also, this song. 
July 23 is Nation­al Hot Dog Day. Hot dogs for every meal!TC Okay. May­be not break­fast. There are LIMITS PEOPLENation­al Tequi­la Day is the next day (July 24) so def­i­nite­ly yes to tequi­la at all meals. Stop look­ing at me like that. Remove your judg­ment gog­gles. Mer­ry Go Round Day is July 25! Remem­ber that time Tom Cruise rode the mer­ry go round in Schen­ley Plaza?

Bar­bie in a Blender DayWalk on Stilts Day, and our very own Cook­ing with Kards blog series all fall on July 27. What an absolute­ly exhil­a­rat­ing day! We would be walk­ing on stilts except we can’t, because that sounds hard. Well Bar­bie, into the Nin­ja you go, you unre­al­is­ti­cal­ly slim dev­il doll, you!

So, what do you think?