Welcome July! Oh how we've missed you, what with you fireworks scaring the shit out of our dogs and babies! We can forgive you though, July, because you also have a lot goin on, like National Ice Cream MonthInternational Kissing DayNational Hot Dog Day, and Walk on Stilts Day just to name a few. Read on to see what else we're getting set off about this month *baby you're a fiiiiiiiiiiiiireworkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk*

July has more month long celebrations than we know what to do with. There's AC Appreciation Days (necessary for the days you're sweating your nads off), National Dog House Repairs Month (Fido begs of you), National Grilling Month (if it fits, we uh, grill it), National Ice Cream Month (!!!!!), National Hot Dog Month (you know you love them), and National Independent Retailers Month (hey, that's us!)

This week begins with Canada Day and National Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day (July 1). What's the weirdest flavor you've ever had? We bet it had bacon in it, you weirdo. Next up is I Forgot Day and World UFO Day (July 2). Apologize for all those times you were late or completely forgot something, and then go watch some conspiracy theory documentaries on aliens on Netflix. July 3 calls for fryin up those clams (literal clams, perv) for National Fried Clam Day! July 4 is obbbviously Independence Day, but is also Independence from Meat Day. Celebrate the independence of this nation and grill some damned vegetables already. We have Bikini Day on July 5 followed by International Kissing Day and Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day (July 6). Last but not least today Spiderman: Homecoming hits theaters.

Birthdays this week: Indiana Jones 1, Franz Kafka 3, Robert Heinlein and Dr. Watson 7

This week begins with a bang. And by bang we mean Teddy Bears Picnic DayNational Pina Colada Day, and International Town Criers Day (July 10). If you like pina coladaaaaaasss, we won't look if you give one to your teddy bearrrrrrr! This week ends with the start of National Ventriloquism Week (July 12-15).

Birthdays this week: E.B. White 11, Henry David Thoreau 12, National French Fries Day and Patrick Stewart/Jean-Luc Picard 13

First up this week we have St. Swithin's Day (July 15). Allegedly whatever weather happens today will continue for the next 40 days. We hope to God it doesn't frigging rain. July 16 is National Ice Cream Day and National Zookeeper Week! (July 16-22). Wonder if zookeepers would like some ice cream?? We'll have to ask them. Flaunt your ink on National Tattoo Day (July 17), get a hot dog (National Hot Dog Day, July 19) and suck on this lollipop (National Lollipop Day, July 20).

Birthdays this week: Hunter S. Thompson 18, Cormac McCarthy 20, Ernest Hemingway 21

The last week of July wraps up with Casual Pi Day on the 22 (you should Google it, it's a thing), as well as Rat Catchers Day (Follow meeeeeeeee/I'm the pied piper). July 24 is National Tequila Day and we don't really care what plans you had, it's tequila or GTFO. Head to your nearest carousel for Merry Go Round Day (July 25), and on the 27 put your Barbie in a blender (Barbie in a Blender Day), and practice walking on those stilts (Walk on Stilts Day).

Birthdays this week: Daniel Radcliffe 23, Alexandre Dumas 24, Beatrix Potter 28, Neville Longbottom 30, Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling 31

So, what do you think?