August is a great month. I still get really excited for back to school time. I am still convinced I am going to be filling up my pencil case with freshly sharpened pencils and that I have to go try on some new shoes. It's also probably the laziest month of the year. It's far too hot out to do anything other than sit around (watching Olympics!) and sweat into your couch eating ice pops and drinking cold beer a little too early in the day. Just because it's a lazy month doesn't mean that nothing happens. There is plenty to celebrate in August, and I'm going to tell you all about it after the jump!

August 2nd: Ice Cream Sandwich Day!
Seems like there is an ice cream related holiday for every summer month, and rightly so! What's better than ice cream during the summer? How about ice cream in between two deliciously sticky chocolate cookies? Why don't I just marry an ice cream sandwich?!

August 7th: Sea Serpent Day!
I have no idea why this day has been "officially" designated as Sea Serpent Day, but I like it. Sometimes you just have to celebrate the finer things in life. In this case we are talking about enormous mysteries beasts rising from the depths of the water to terrorize feeble land-based creatures. Who knew there were so many different types of sea serpents? I am glad that people have put so much work into figuring this out for me. Isn't learning fun?


August 8th: National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night!
Anyone who has ever grown zucchini will be thrilled about this holiday. You innocently plant a few seeds and come August you are overwhelmed with a seemingly endless bounty of giant green ground-blimps. This is kind of a win-win holiday. You get rid of your zucchini, and your neighbors get a ton of free produce! You may have realized this by now, but this holiday is not sex-related, even though it really really sounds like it.


August 9th: First Steelers Preseason Game!

I know this is just preseason play, but the preseason is like Steelers Eve, and just like Christmas Eve I get very excited and I can't sleep. This is gonna be a great season. I can just feel it. May the odds be ever in our favor.


August 10th: Duran Duran Appreciation Day!
So many holidays need to happen every day, but none more than this one. Have you ever wondered why August 10th is Duran Duran Appreciation Day? Well too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway. On August 10th, 1985, lead singer Simon Le Bon nearly drowned when his yacht capsized. We use this day to celebrate his miraculous survival.


August 16th: Tell a Joke Day!
I am usually pretty bad at this, but here goes nothing: What did one snowman say to the other snowman? ...... Do you smell carrots?



August 22nd: Tooth Fairy Day!

What a generous lady! Money in exchange for old, useless teeth. Although you have to admit it is a little creepy. What does she do with all those tiny teeth?


August 24th: Gutenberg Bible Completed!
Today we celebrate the anniversary of one of the greatest inventions in human history: Moveable type! Where would be be without moveable type? Well we wouldn't have books, that's fo shizzle. Before Gutenberg's invention books were hand-written and illustrated by monks hunched over little desks. Also, people couldn't really read. So hooray for books and hooray for reading!


August 26th: Go Topless Day!
This is an awesome day. Amazing, in fact. It's like Christmas, Valentine's Day, and every other holiday all rolled up in one. I recommend checking out the official website (NSFW, obvs). The gist is that on this day we celebrate being equal from the waist up, and encourage improving local laws to allow women to go topless. Also, it was started by a UFO cult. Everything about this is awesome. I will be celebrating. Big time.


August 27th: Krakatoa Erupts in 1883!
When Krakatoa erupted it created the loudest sound in human history. The explosion was four times larger than the largest atomic bomb. Barographs continued registering the shockwave traveling around the world five days after the eruption. Weather patterns were disrupted all over the globe for years to come. Events of this magnitude need to be celebrated, lest we forget the awesome majesty of the volcanic gods.


August 30th Frankenstein Day!
This is Mary Shelley's birthday, and a great day to celebrate her greatest contribution: Frakenstein. Way back in 1816, Mary Shelley, Percy Bysshe Shelley and Lord Byron took a vacation to Lake Geneva to enjoy a nice summer holiday. Little did they know that the recent cataclysmic eruption of Mt. Tambora created what is now known as "The Year Without a Summer." OOPS! With the weather too dreary for regular "fun in the sun" kind of activities, they instead decided to sit around writing scary stories. By the end of the summer they had created two of the best kinds of horror stories in existence: The monster story and the vampire story.


The Joker: 1st
Kevin Smith: 2nd
Andy Warhol & Charles Fort: 6th
Sidney Crosby: 7th
Ginny Weasley: 11th
Steve Martin: 14th
Lois Lane: 17th
Mr. Snuffleupagus: 19th
HP Lovecraft: 20th
Ray Bradbury & Dorothy Parker: 22nd
Orson Scott Card: 24th
Tim Burton: 25th
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