DOOMSDAY! It gets you out of so many obligations! This time it's real! But don't let that stop you from celebrating all month long in December. This month is dominated by some very famous holidays, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of things to celebrate! Click READ MORE to begin your voyage of discovery!

December 1-9: Cookie Cutter Week!
This is the week to get ready for baking Christmas cookies! If you are anything like me, then you will need the whole week to get ready. Maybe this is your year to go nuts, and this is the week to get everything set up. Choose your recipes, buy ingredients, and, most importantly, find your cookie cutters!

December 5th: Bathtub Party Day!
Today you can celebrate a luxury of days gone by, and you can do it with your friends and/or lovers!  You can take turns or jump in all together!

 

December 5th: Krampusnacht!
Tonight is when all the naughty children get their comeuppance! Since Jolly Old Saint Nick is kind of a softy, he enlisted the help of a hairy, horned beast with cloven feet (like Satan!) named Krampus to help him with the naughty children. If you are lucky he will just pull your hair and beat you with sticks. If you have been extra bad he will stuff you in his sack and take you back to his lair for some fiery torture! So all you nine year old kids whining about iPads and Xboxes, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

December 6th: Saint Nicolas Day!
Whether you know him as Jolly Old Saint Nick, Father Christmas, or Santa Claus this guy is gonna bring you some presents this month, but only if you've been good. Today is the day to put some clogs (or shoes, if you don't have clogs for some reason) outside your door so St. Nicolas can fill them up with goodies! The more holiday traditions you participate in, the more presents you get. "More is more." That's what I say.

 

December 8th: Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day!
Hey! This is fun! Today you should pretend to be visiting from another place and time. The trick is that you can't actually say that you are time traveler. So what do you do? I'm glad you asked! Here are some suggestions:

- Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell "NOOOOOOOOO"
- Walk up to random people and say "WHAT YEAR IS THIS?" and when they tell you, get quiet and then say "Then there’s still time!" and run off.
- Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.
- Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: "Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?" "What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?" and "Your king must be a kindly soul!" 
- Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say "In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that." Then slip away.

The possibilities are endless!!

December 12th: Gingerbread House Day!
Holiday cookie holidays galore in December! Which totally makes sense. After Cookie Cutter Week you should be ready to bust out the most detailed gingerbread house in history and then eat it like a Godzilla.

December 12th: 12/12/12!
This is really your last chance to celebrate one of these until the next century. I expect to be going nuts at exactly 12:12.

December 15th: Cat Herder's Day!
This day commemorates those who are faced with seemingly impossible tasks, such as herding cats, or keeping a store looking good and filled with products in the holiday season. I feel like this holiday has something to do with drinking, but I think that about every holiday.

December 16th: Chocolate-Covered Anything Day!
It doesn't have to be something naughty. It can be anything, like nuts, fruit, cell phones, beach balls, airplanes, icebergs...you get the idea. But yes, I guess it could also be naughty stuff...

December 18th: Answer the Telephone Like Buddy the Elf Day!
BUDDY THE ELF! WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? You may hear us answer the phone this way during the holidays, but on the 18th we are really gonna go all out.

December 21st: Humbug Day!
Get it all out on this day. After this it's the final push and we all have to suck it up and be holly/jolly. Even the most notorious humbug of all time had a change of heart during the holidays.

25th: Christmas!
It's the best time of the year!

December 26th: National Thank You Card Day!
You think those presents were free?! You pay with gratitude, my friend, and a thank you note is essential. Nothing ensures more presents next year like takin' care of business and thanking people. Better yet, thank the people who "forgot" to give you a present and guilt them into double presents next year! Yay! Double presents!

December 30th: Bacon Day!
Finally! Back to the "real" holidays! Celebrate the coming new year with a pork-stravaganza! This should be easy to celebrate because you can put bacon on anything.

December 31st: New Year's Eve!
It is the eve of a new year, and the only way to celebrate is to get drunk enough to forget the entire past year and start fresh with a huge hangover!

Birthdays:
4th: The Dude
6th: Rubeus Hagrid
10th: Emily Dickinson
16th: Jane Austen
16th: Philip K. Dick
24th: Stephanie Meyer
26th: David Sedaris
30th: Rudyard Kipling
31th: Voldemort
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So, what do you think?