I don't know if there's a snow cone month, but it should be now!

July is going to be super busy, you guys.  Like, unbelievable.  All the events.  Get excited.  For instance, July is National Independent Retailers' Month!  Unsurprisingly very near and dear to the hearts of everyone at KU is the appreciation of independent retailers.  We love appreciation.  Love it.  Come appreciate us with us!  <3!  And click READ MORE for our other exciting July hijinks!


Artist's rendering of what I wish I could do all day every day when it's hotter than 65 degrees.

July marks the beginning of Air Conditioning Appreciation Days which go until mid-August.  AC is the bomb, you guys.  Not only is hot, humid weather totally gross, but AC actually can prevent heat-related medical problems and death!  !  So appreciate your AC this month!

July is also Dog House Repairs Month!  If your dog spends a lot of its time in an outdoor dog house, take this month to make sure that your pup is protected from the elements!  Heat stroke is a serious concern for dogs, especially long-haired breeds.  When you do your dog house repairs, why not install a water dish with reservoir to make sure your canine friend can stay hydrated.  Or go all out and give your dig AC too!

Another reason to celebrate July: it's National Grilling Month!  I guess I'm a bit of a stereotypical guy when it comes to grilling.  That is to say, I freaking love it!  And not just meat!  Grilled veggies, corn, even fruit!  All delectable.  Whether you're charcoal or (clean-burning) propane, fire up that barbecue this month and cook some delicious outside food!

Closely related to National Grilling Month is National Hot Dog Month!  I think we can all agree that hot dogs are great.  So convenient!  So affordable!  Such a great vehicle for honey mustard!  Able to be prepared in a variety of tasty ways!  Hot dogs are awesome!

What's the only thing you love more than freshly grilled meat?  Ice cream, right?  Well, you're in luck, because July is also National Ice Cream Month!  Ice cream is right near the top of a pretty long list of foods that I think are the best thing ever.  Black Raspberry is my favorite right now, but I vacillate a lot.

Important Dates in July:


Oh, Canada. Smh.

1 - Canada Day AND Zip Code Day: Happy birthday, Canada!  You lookin' good, girl!  Also zip codes, I guess.

2 - I Forgot Day AND World UFO Day: I Forgot Day is pretty much the cutest thing ever because it's a chance for anyone who's forgotten an important event (or thinks they might forget one in the future) to make up for it.  That's adorable.  I'm usually pretty good with birthdays and anniversaries and such, but I might send a card or two on I Forgot Day just to cover my bases.  World UFO Day is exactly what it sounds like.  And I think I can leave it at that.  Although the overlap between something that may or may not include memory modification and I Forgot Day is kind of funny.  

4 - Independence Day AND Independence from Meat Day: I make no secret of my disdain for people who are vegetarian for moral reasons, but I do think that moderating one's meat intake is a worthy pursuit, so I guess I can endorse Independence from Meat Day.  Also 'Murrica and fireworks.  Or whatever.

5 - Bikini Day: Now there's a day I can get behind.  Or in front of.  I'm pretty flexible.

6 - International Kissing Day: Aw man, July!  Two in a row?  You're too good to me.  I'm pretty sure International Kissing Day is just a day to indulge in kissing and they call it international because they want people to kiss all around the world, but it's way funnier if you imagine it as a day to encourage people from different countries to kiss each other.  I like that idea more.

7 - Chocolate Day:  Three?!  Mmmmmmm.  Chocolate.  That's all I have to say about that.  Except for this!  Preliminary research indicates that there is no reason whatsoever that July 7 is Chocolate Day.  Which makes it that much sweeter.

8 - International Town Criers Day:  Before we had Tumblr and Twitter, in the days before Facebook and Reddit, long predating the Huffington Post, there were town criers.  People who would literally walk around their hometown and shout out what was happening in the outside world.  Today we know these people as the annoying jerks who apparently have no responsibilities other than to tweet every single vacuous thought they have.  We hate these people.  But in the olden days, we loved and paid these people.  Because if we did not, we wouldn't know that the British are coming or what Marie Antoinette was wearing when she was beheaded or whatever.  

10 - Teddy Bears Picnic Day:  Again, it's exactly what it sounds like.  ...I'll leave it at that.

11 - Slurpee Day:  Despite the fact that I'm really in favor of all things frozen and beverage-y, I've never actually had a Slurpee.  Probably because I only know of one 7-11.  Or maybe just because no matter how many of them I know of and/or pass by on a regular basis, I never go into them.  For reasons unknown.


Yes to all.

13 - National French Fries Day:  The average American eats approximately 17 pounds of french fries per year.  (That statistic is a complete guesstimation based on a chart that I'm not sure I read accurately.)  That's a bunch o' fries, y'all.  They're really delicious, though, so I totally get it.

15 - St. Swithun's Day:  First of all, let's just mention that the probable translation of the name Swithun is 'pig-man.'  It could also mean 'strong,' though.  So, you know.  Anyway, St. Swithun was an Anglo-Saxon bishop in the ninth century.  An English proverb holds that whatever the weather is like on St. Swithun's Day, that's what it will be like for forty days.

20 - National Lollipop Day AND National Hot Dog Day:  We've already discussed the merits of hot dogs, but the merits of lollipops are scarcely less!  Lollipops are one of the forgotten pleasures of childhood!  Every time I go to the bank, I wish that my teller would give me one of those delicious little Dum Dums.  Alas for the halcyon days of youth!

21 - National Ice Cream Day:  Again, I've already impressed upon you the virtues of this frozen delicacy.  If, for whatever reason, you find yourself unable to spend all month reveling in ice cream's sweet embrace, make sure you at least have your favorite flavor in a waffle cone today.  Do it for the kids.


That's Pi on Casual Pi Day. We're so clever.

22 - Casual Pi Day AND Rat Catcher's Day:  So Casual Pi Day.  22/7, which is how a European or someone with European writing tendencies would denote July 22nd, also happens to be a fair (or casual, get it?) approximation of pi.  Since we all had so much fun on March 14th, why not get pi back in the mix and enjoy Casual Pi Day as well?  Which brings us to Rat Catcher's Day.  Remember the legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin?  I'll give you the synopsis:  a town was infested with rats, so this guy came in with a magic flute and was like, "Hey guys, I'll totally get rid of those rats for you, as long as you give me some cash."  And the mayor was like, "That would be totally sweet, you should get on that and then we'll definitely give you money."  So the Piper gets rid of the rats with his magic flute and then the townspeople were like, "That was cool but we're gonna keep the money, though.  Ok, bye!'"  So the Piper took his revenge by playing his flute again and leading away all but a few of the town's children.  Lesson being, don't be a jerk to someone who helps you out.  Interestingly, expressions that include the phrase 'pay the piper' have no connection to the legend.  Rat Catcher's Day commemorates that story, since its events occur on July 22nd in Robert Browning's telling.

24 - National Tequila Day:  Remember that time I told you that I favor all things frozen and beverage-y?  Tequila Day makes me think of that for some reason...

25 - Merry-Go-Round Day:  I'm about to tell you a really cute story, so brace yourself.  My parents have lived in Pittsburgh for almost their entire lives, they went to middle and high school together, and every time they go to Kennywood, which they've been doing together for more than thirty years, they ride the Merry-Go-Round.  And it's the cutest.  That's all.

27 - Barbie in a Blender Day AND Walk on Stilts Day:  One time this guy put a Barbie in a blender and took a picture of it and then Mattel sued him because they didn't like it.  Wow, when you put it like that, Mattel sounds like a big bunch of idiots.  Mattel lost their suit against Tom Forsythe, the photographer in question, because the judge ruled that "you can't tell people what to do with something that they own, even if you made it, dumb-dumb."  I believe that was the official statement.  Also stilts are awesome.  They make you look and feel like Henry Gwazda!

july cake

There are way too many pictures of amazing cakes in the world.

July Birthdays!

1 - Indiana Jones

3 - Franz Kafka

7 - Robert A. Heinlein AND Dr. John Watson (Sci-fi Sherlock Holmes should totally/does almost assuredly exist.)

11 - E. B. White

12 - Henry David Thoreau

13 - Patrick Stewart AND Jean-Luc Picard (Coincidence?  I think not!)

18 - Hunter S. Thompson

20 - Cormac McCarthy

21 - Ernest Hemingway (One of the most interesting things about Hemingway was his nickname.  Tatie.  Where did that come from?)

23 - Daniel Radcliffe

24 - Alexandre Dumas (One of the greats.)

28 - Beatrix Potter

30 - Neville Longbottom (Neville's bday being right before Harry's is actually a pretty significant plot point.)

31 - J. K. Rowling AND Harry Potter (Coincidence again?  I think not again!)

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So, what do you think?