July is upon us. You can tell because it's crazy "hot in here". July has many appropriate holidays that celebrate exactly just how "hot in here" it really is, and all the assorted things you eat when it is so hot in here. July is Grilling Month AND Ice Cream Month AND Hot Dog Month. The ultimate trifecta. But let's not kid ourselves. July is all about the stars and stripes. The good ol' U.S.A. Just look at that eagle staring you down! With that in mind, let's see what we are up to this month:

July 1st: Canada Day!

OH NO YOU DIDN'T, CANADA. Looks like they beat us to the punch. Our neighbors to the north slipped this one in a mere three days before our big celebration. If they waited a few days we could have gone dubs on everything, which would have been so much fun! Like two countries holding hands! Alas.

July 2nd: World U.F.O. Day!

I watched the X-Files like cray when I was a kid, so I am a huge fan of this holiday. On this day, everybody across the planet unites in an effort to spot a U.F.O. The gist is that if everybody is watching everywhere at least for one day, and aliens decide to fly around on that day, then we will spot one for sure. Come on people! The evidence is overwhelming! Plus, this seems like an awesome drinking holiday.

July 4th: Independence Day!

USA! USA! USA! This is the day we all came together as one to declare we will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive. Today we celebrate our Independence Day! And Will Smith was there. Weird how it's so close to U.F.O Day, though.

July 5th: Bikini Day!

In 1946 western Europe was celebrating the first war-free summer in years, and a French designer namedĀ Louis Reard unveiled the bikini on July 5th to celebrate. He named it after the famous atom bomb test that took place at Bikini Atoll a week earlier. Talk about dropping a bomb! The swimwear was banned from beaches along theĀ Mediterranean, but it was such a huge hit, especially among men, that the ban was eventually lifted.

July 6th: International Kissing Day!

You can go kiss crazy on this day. We all know that kissing is awesome, and we could all use the practice. This is the day to celebrate kissing for kissing's sake, not as a formality or a prelude to "other things."

July 9th: Town Crier Day!

Here Ye! Here Ye! Before Gutenberg and mass-printed material, before newspapers, before Facebook and Twitter, people got their news from people who rang bells and shouted things in the street. It's fun to imagine what town criers would be like now. "LOL. Come look at this funny picture of a cat!"

July 10th: Teddy Bear Picnic Day!

Grab your favorite teddy bear and have a picnic today! Just the two of you! Sounds like a really fun, happy holiday, but when you see it actually happen it will make you sad. Teddy bears don't actually eat anything anyway.

July 15th: Saint Swithun's Day!

  • St Swithun's day if thou dost rain
  • For forty days it will remain
  • St Swithun's day if thou be fair
  • For forty days 'twill rain nae mare

Personally I prefer my magical, weather-predicting holidays with fur and buck teeth, but this seems to fit Great Britain's shtick better.

July 27th: Barbie in a Blender Day!

You would think this is a holiday about smashing female stereotypes that are forced on girls. However, it's actually a celebration of the victory of an artist over Mattel in court. I think the gist is that you throw Barbie dolls into blenders.

July Birthdays:

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So, what do you think?