It's that time of the month again. You guessed it! Time to learn all about

THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY!

May is one of my favorite months, because it is just jam-packed with some of the best holidays of the year, so let's jump right in.

 

May is Get Caught Reading Month. I'm not sure why you "get caught" reading…Maybe because you are embarrassed by what you are reading. Seeing as how "Fifty Shades of Grey" is so "hot" right now, I think this is a timely holiday. For more reasons than one, because May is also National Masturbation Month! So when you do get caught, you know…reading…you can use your book to hide your shame.

 

Heeeeey Macarena!

May 1st: May Day May Day!

This is one of the most prominent pre-Christian holidays. It just feels like the sort of holiday hobbits celebrate. Although I think I have seen "The Wicker Man" far too many times for this holiday not to creep me out. I see people dressed up like druids, dancing around the Maypole, and I feel certain that the next thing I know I will get stuffed into a large wooden statue filled with farm animals and burned alive…to death.

 

May 1st: Batman Day.

We are always all over Batman Day. We sell a ton of awesome Batman comics, as well as fun Batman products. Since Pittsburgh is the new Gotham City, we are extra excited this year!

 

May 4th: Intergalactic Star Wars Day!!!

May the Fourth be with you. This is both an awesome play on words and a celebration of my favorite movie of all time. I will probably spend the day swinging my sweet lightsaber around and practicing my Twi'lek dialects. Then probably hit the Mos Eisley Cantina to have a frothy, smoking, blue milk-like beverage and get my arm chopped off. I hear it's taco night!

 

Did I mention frosty?

May 5th: Derby Day.

In case you have been living under a rock, Derby Day is when they run the Kentucky Derby. Which means you get all gussied up in spring clothing with either a large fancy hat, or a jaunty hat (for the gentlemen!), and drink delicious frosty mint juleps out of frosty silver cups while you watch some of the most expensive and well-trained animals in the world compete in the first leg of the Triple Crown. It's sort of like the Royal Wedding, but you get to do it every year.

 

May 5th: Cinco de Mayo.

This holiday is on the cinco of Mayo every year. This is not Mexican Independence Day (which is September 16th) but it still commemorates a major step on the way to independence. A good way to think about this holiday is as the Mexican St. Patrick's Day. This means that here in the Estados Unidos, we celebrate the same way we celebrate almost every holiday: By drinking.

May 7-13th: Children's Book Week.

Time to celebrate the magical books from your childhood. There are so many good ones that we need a week to celebrate this. Children's books are our introduction to reading, as well as the fact that there is a world that exists beyond what we can see. We certainly have the best selection of children's book in town, and we are always eager to talk about them. You are never too old for children's books, so stop in and pick up an old classic, or try something new!

 

May 12th: Limerick Day.

On this day we celebrate the birthday of Edward Lear, who popularized the limerick in his Book of Nonsense. This is a five-line poem in AABBA structure, supposedly invented in the Irish town of Limerick, which was also once known as "STAB CITY." Sounds like a charming little town! Being from Stab City, limericks are best when they are crude and vulgar:

Joy, I said. Jump for it.

  • The limerick packs laughs anatomical
  •  In space that is quite economical,
  •  But the good ones I've seen
  •  So seldom are clean,
  •  And the clean ones so seldom are comical.


You're doing it wrong.

May 13th: Mother's Day!!!

This is the big one. The one day a year where you show your mom some respect for giving up her entire life for you. So I think the very least you can do it get her a card, or which we have approximately one jillion. If you want my advice, you may want to get a step above and buy her a ton of actual gifts, of which we have approximately one jillion, and then take her out for a nice brunch (with champagne!).

 

 

May 14th-20th: American Craft Beer Week.

I celebrate this all the time. Its sort of like having National Breathing Oxygen Week, but that doesn't mean we should take it for granted. You should use this week to support your local brewery. Honestly people, its not that hard. Just drink beer! I'm getting a head start on this right now!

 

May 16th: National Sea Monkey Day.

Sea Monkeys are the easiest pet of all time. They are just tiny little brine shrimp in a packet. You just add water and BOOM! Instant pets. Sea Monkeys are one of the few animals that have been to outer space.

 

May 18th: National Pizza Party Day.

This should be a mandatory national holiday. Buildings and offices should be closed. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is more important than a pizza party. Plus, this falls right in the middle of Craft Beer Week, so: Party. Bonus.

Check.

May 25th: Towel Day.

  • "Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."

In Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you should know where your towel is at all times. It is the most useful thing a hitchhiker can have. This is good advice. Carry a towel around all day to show your appreciation for Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

 

May Birthdays:

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So, what do you think?