Grab your putters and your patience, because May 9th is National Miniature Golf Day!


"Yay!" - Said no one ever.

Most people know miniature golf as that thing you're obligated to do on family vacations because it'll be "fun", and not as the twisted, Saw-type recreation that mercilessly pushes both your  physical and psychological boundaries to a their breaking point. Or maybe you know it as that place you take a date to you because it's cheap, and you've both convinced yourselves it's "fun", but really it's just your subconscious taking action to end the relationship you're clearly unhappy in, because happy people don't golf.


"Why? Why, God, why?!"

The good news, is that when miniature golf was invented, the creators stimulated a clause which stated that dinosaurs must be heavily involved in the mini golf world, and so for better or worse, we at least have that going for us.




"Nothing says golf like a dinosaur!"

Themed golf can be, enjoyable. I guess. Or at least as enjoyable as a lukewarm glass of water in the stifling fires of hell. But, sometimes even that can go askew. How, you ask? Well, like when you decide to include Hitler in your family oriented course.


Just go ahead and try to justify this one. 

 Some mini course designers went in the opposite direction, thank God (pun intended), and chose not hitler as the perfect symbol for put-put, but Jesus himself.


"I'd rather be crucified than play mini-golf" - Matthew 7:12

So if you feel like getting tetanus from rusted putters, or catching some ungodly disease from stagnant water, or rabies from the nest of squirrels who have made hole #6 their new home, or testing the limits of your mind, head on out to your local mini-golf course on May 9th! And if your incredibly lucky (or a poor, unlucky bastard), you'll nail the famous 18th hole, and win a free game, because there's nothing like being thrown back into the cesspool of torment and woe after clawing your way out through 18 holes from hell! And remember, it's all in the hips!

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