pompeii2

It looked kind of like this, but less ghost town-y.

It all began a long, long time ago. Like, a really long time ago. Enough that you can't remember, and neither can your Grandpappy. The scene opens to Pompeii, in the Roman Empire circa 79 AD. The fair (and slightly slutty) people of Pompeii are walking around, minding their own business, talking about the God Jupiter and his rippling biceps. The Doctor and Donna Noble are currently battling some baddies hiding out in the local volcano and, amidst the the fight, start the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. As it turned out, the god Vulcan was in a fowl mood and decided that he was going to smite the little turds that crawled around his workshop. The volcano explodes as has never been seen before by man, with a huge column of smoke and ash shooting into the sky. Land slides are hurtling towards the city, and people are losing their shit (more literally for those caught unawares in the privy).

pompeii3

Then later it looked a lot like this.

While the Doctor is rescuing his TARDIS, companions and future Doctor #12 Peter Capaldi, Mount Vesuvius gives a huge belch and shoots an enormous circular object into the sky, so hard and far that it goes into space. The velocity sends the object far out into the reaches of the solar system, until it flies by Neptune and thinks "This seems like a lovely place to stop and chill for awhile, LET'S ORBIT! ( Suddenly DUBSTEP starts playing in background as the object and its debris homies bust a move). As this huge object floats in space, it decides it wants to be a planet: "If those giant blueberry farts can be planets, so can I!" And so Pluto came into existence.

plutodemoted

Look at this adorable Pluto Demoted Day card we have with all the other planets being like, "Naw, Pluto, you gotta go, you little creep!"

For almost 2000 years, Pluto orbited the sun like that annoying guy who follows you around at a party. He would often try and get closer, trying to be best friends with the local planets and then getting into huge arguments with them over his size. This would ultimately send Pluto on an ovacular orbit, passing Neptune in an orbital resonance that let them not collide and be buddy buddy, and then would drift far away when things didn't go his way. In the meantime, Pluto would talk smack about all of the other planets, telling all those he could about his wonder and splendor deep in space. He could often be heard "The Sun can't touch this!", as if the Sun didn't have feelings. It didn't help that Pluto would be discovered (or rediscovered, depending on who simultaneously survived the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius and noticed the volcano cannonball Pluto into space) by an Earthen astronomer known as Clyde W. Tombaugh. This poor chap did not know what can of worms he was opening up by officially recognizing his discovery as a planet, for his discovery made Pluto an even bigger cocky turd, and also caused an argument that ran for decades on whether or not it was actually a planet.  On August 24th 2006, the International Astronomical Union met and decided that Pluto didn't meet their criteria to continue as a regular planet, and was demoted to Dwarf Planet status. This also created the definition of Plutoid, as in other space objects relative in size to the planet formally known as Pluto. As you can imagine Pluto was bummed. But don't fret! He is being kept company by a small host of newly discovered moons and is most certainly in good company. His ego has admittedly been deflated.

What did Vesuvius think of all of this? Well, he erupted a couple more times, most recently in 1906 and 1944. This was presumably in celebration of his little boo boo becoming a planet. To keep him wistfully sleeping away the years since, we celebrate Mt. Vesuvius Day. This is ironic because it simultaneously celebrates this awesome feat of nature's, soothes the ego of a giant geographical pimple, as well as commemorate the death of thousands of poor unsuspecting residents of Pompeii back in 79. A.D. As for Pluto Demotion Day? Well...he had it coming.

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