5 Feb
2017

Superb Owl

Are you still salty about the New England Patriots beating the Steelers and making their ninth Superbowl appearance? Nothing sucks as much as watching your team get bested by a bunch of dirty, cheating pretty boys, coached by the most repulsive man on this planet. So what better way to help heal the wound by being a sore loser and making fun of the Patriots! Here's my top ten list of why you should hate the Pats:

 

  1. TOM BRADY/Bill Belichick Both Left Pregnant Woman, For A Younger One

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been together since 2007, but are you aware of Bridget Moynahan? Brady left her for Gisele when she was more than three months pregnant with his child. Gisele is also nine years younger than Bridget. It goes to show you that the man has commitment issues. It's no wonder why him and Belichick get along so well, Bill also left his wife and high school sweetheart Debby Clarke while she was pregnant with their third child together for his now girlfriend Linda Holiday.

2. Robert Kraft Gave a Superbowl Ring to Putin

Ok, while he technically didn't give him a ring, it's still questionable why the owner of a sports team would want to meet the Russian President. While on a "business trip" Kraft was introduced to Putin, to whom Kraft showed his superbowl ring. Apparently, Putin tried it on and never gave it back. Just knowing that Vladimir Putin is a fan of the Patriots, one can only speculate the shady deals Kraft and him have done over the years.

3.  Deflategate

Now this one is really the only unbiased reason I have on this list. In May of 2015, the NFL began their investigation into the claims that the patriots were tampering with their footballs; deflating their balls to make it easier to grip and throw during the AFC championship game against the Colts. How could America's team be cheaters? Have they no morals, have they no shame?

The bottom line is, they cheated, they knew about it, regardless of what they say. The Golden Boy himself was in hot water, though only being charged a measly four game suspension. This wasn't the first time the Pats were caught though...

4. Spygate

If deflating footballs gets you all worked up, you probably forgot when the Patriots were caught taping the New York Jet's defensive coaches' signals during a 2007 game. Taping coaches isn't against the rules if done from designated areas, but the Pats were filming from their own sideline, which is not allowed. Belichick was fined 500k for this, the team itself was fined 250k and their first round draft pick in the 2008 draft. It came out later that they were taping the St. Louis Rams practice before the Superbowl in 2002 as well. Caught cheating twice, but they must have an excellent PR team, because Pats nation is as strong as ever. (Sounds familiar...)

5. Any Fan 23 and under only knows winning

Don't you just hate people that win everything? But don't you hate it more when those people weren't there from the beginning? Welcome to Patriots Nation. The epicenter for bandwagon fans. A fun fact, if you're 23 and under, you've only witnessed seasons with at least 11 wins. They've never really had much to complain about. No young Patriots fan is even remotely humble about winning, and if you bring up cheating, they turn into a little kid covering their ears and eyes, blind and deaf to the truth.

6. Week 17 2000 was the last time they played a game already eliminated from playoff contention

Stats like this just rip people's hearts out when they read them. Lions fans have witnessed a winless season, Jets fans have suffered from mediocrity, and Rams fans have watched their team pack up and move. But for the past seventeen years, Patriots fans have had the hope of making it to the playoffs. They can't relate to any other team or fan, they just live in this little fantasy world where they never lose, and that's why Pat fans are just so insufferable.

7. Aaron Hernandez

A local boy from my home state of Connecticut, ended up playing tight end for the Pats in 2010. In 2013 he was arrested for the murder of semi pro football player Odin Lloyd. He was released from the team, found guilty of the crime, and sentenced to life in prison without parole. He was also indicted for the double murder of Daniel de Abreu and Safiro Furtado.  I know the Pats really can't control these terrible things, but it just throws fuel on the fire. It leaves a stain on their reputation.

8. Why does Belichick cut the sleeves off his shirts?

This one is purely a matter of taste. Is it for movement? Style? Does he need to air his pits out constantly? Whatever the reason, I think it's the stupidest thing in football and I will make fun of him for it until the day he retires.

9. Fans just suck

Patriot's fans are simply the worst fans in all of sports. They're loud, rude, entitled, bandwagon-y jerks. I have yet to meet a fan I get along with. 

 

 

 

10. GRONK

TE Rob Gronkoski is the quintessential douche bag. He's dumb, he will sleep with your girlfriend in a heartbeat, and he's admittedly pretty good at what he does. Nobody likes that type of person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are plenty more as to why you can hate the Patriots, but hopefully this give you some motivation.

 

So, what do you think?