July 24th is Nation­al Tequi­la Day, you guys! Instead of bor­ing you with facts about the liquor (like how it’s made from the blue agave plant, how it is often between 76–80 proof but in some instances can be as high as 110 proof, etc), I’m going to try a lit­tle exper­i­ment. You see, it’s been a few years since I’ve actu­al­ly had tequi­la. I don’t remem­ber much of the night (as is the case with most peo­ple who drink too much tequi­la), though I’m pret­ty sure I made quite an ass of myself (again, com­mon side effect). In the inter­est of sci­ence, I have self­less­ly vol­un­teered to do a lit­tle research in the true effects of tequi­la. Main­ly, I’ll just be quaffing the liquor and tex­ting about it. FOR SCIENCE! image (1)

8:20 pm  Shot #1 : This shot was straight up. Ugh. I won’t be mak­ing that mis­take again. Like I said, it’s been a while, total­ly got the tequi­la shiv­ers. Why do peo­ple drink this stuff? I think my next one, I’ll do that whole salt/lime thing.

8:22 pm : My tum­my does feel nice and warm, how­ev­er.

8:42 pm  Shot#2 : Ok, I’m real­ly not feel­ing any­thing, besides the whole warm tum-tum. Time for anoth­er shot. This time I’ll do the salt/tequila/lime thing.

8:43 pm : Ok, that wasn’t as bad as the first go.

8:55 pm  Shot #3 : Wait a sec, or was I sup­posed to do it salt/lime/tequila? Guess I’ll just have to have anoth­er.

9:03 pm : Hold on… or is it that you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up? Wait, do I need a coconut? Do I even HAVE a coconut? I think the cor­nerr store has them. I’ll be right back.

9:21 pm : Coconuts are hard to open, you guys. My floor is all sticky.

9:28 pm : Hey, remem­ber in Mon­thy Python’s Holy Grail when they used coconuts to make horse hoof sounds?

image (2)

9:36 pm : Ok, the neigh­bors com­plained about my imag­i­nary horse. I named him Fred, btw. The horse, not the neigh­bor. Neig­bors name is Adam, noice guy. HEY, I WORK WITH AN ADAM! I’M GOING TO TEXT WORK ADAM TO SEE IF HE KNOWS MY NEIGHBOR!!!

9:38 pm : He does not

9:42 pm Shot #4 : In mem­o­ry of Fred, I think it’s time to do anoth­er shot! I miss you Fred, you were a good horse.

9:52 pm : You know what I love, you guys? Pota­to chips. BEST. THING. EVER.

10:03 pm : My face is numb.

10:08 pm : You know what’s a real­ly great idea? Imma gonna text my ex, I’m sure he’d want to hear from me!


10:10 pm : No responze. Im going text him again.

10:13 pm : May­be my texts arent work­ing. I’m going to call him.

10:16 pm Shot #5 : Boy, some peo­ple can be quite rude. Screw em, time for anoth­er shot.

10:27 pm : Whay is me floor sticky and why do i have a coconut?

10:43 pm Shot #6 : U know what, guys? i <3 u , you r teh bestest. DA BESSSST! I raize my glass to u.

10:59 pm : U knw wht fealz gud, u guyz? The car­pet. ON MY FACE. I waz sit­ting in da chair & sum how end­ed up of teh flooor. Itz soooooo soft, u guyz!!!!!

11:06 pm : Roomz all spin­nyz.

11:13 pm : I hate u, tequiala. I hatez u sew much.

11:22 pm : Im sor­ry, teqwuila, Idon­tha­teu. please­make­room­stop­spin.

11:31 pm : Izsosleep­y­ses. flor­fealz­sogudsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss




*edi­tors note: At this point it Jes­si was found asleep, cud­dling a coconut.

By    No Comments

So, what do you think?