July 24th is National Tequila Day, you guys! Instead of boring you with facts about the liquor (like how it's made from the blue agave plant, how it is often between 76-80 proof but in some instances can be as high as 110 proof, etc), I'm going to try a little experiment. You see, it's been a few years since I've actually had tequila. I don't remember much of the night (as is the case with most people who drink too much tequila), though I'm pretty sure I made quite an ass of myself (again, common side effect). In the interest of science, I have selflessly volunteered to do a little research in the true effects of tequila. Mainly, I'll just be quaffing the liquor and texting about it. FOR SCIENCE! image (1)

8:20 pm  Shot #1 : This shot was straight up. Ugh. I won't be making that mistake again. Like I said, it's been a while, totally got the tequila shivers. Why do people drink this stuff? I think my next one, I'll do that whole salt/lime thing.

8:22 pm : My tummy does feel nice and warm, however.

8:42 pm  Shot#2 : Ok, I'm really not feeling anything, besides the whole warm tum-tum. Time for another shot. This time I'll do the salt/tequila/lime thing.

8:43 pm : Ok, that wasn't as bad as the first go.

8:55 pm  Shot #3 : Wait a sec, or was I supposed to do it salt/lime/tequila? Guess I'll just have to have another.

9:03 pm : Hold on... or is it that you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up? Wait, do I need a coconut? Do I even HAVE a coconut? I think the cornerr store has them. I'll be right back.

9:21 pm : Coconuts are hard to open, you guys. My floor is all sticky.

9:28 pm : Hey, remember in Monthy Python's Holy Grail when they used coconuts to make horse hoof sounds?

image (2)

9:36 pm : Ok, the neighbors complained about my imaginary horse. I named him Fred, btw. The horse, not the neighbor. Neigbors name is Adam, noice guy. HEY, I WORK WITH AN ADAM! I'M GOING TO TEXT WORK ADAM TO SEE IF HE KNOWS MY NEIGHBOR!!!

9:38 pm : He does not

9:42 pm Shot #4 : In memory of Fred, I think it's time to do another shot! I miss you Fred, you were a good horse.

9:52 pm : You know what I love, you guys? Potato chips. BEST. THING. EVER.

10:03 pm : My face is numb.

10:08 pm : You know what's a really great idea? Imma gonna text my ex, I'm sure he'd want to hear from me!


10:10 pm : No responze. Im going text him again.

10:13 pm : Maybe my texts arent working. I'm going to call him.

10:16 pm Shot #5 : Boy, some people can be quite rude. Screw em, time for another shot.

10:27 pm : Whay is me floor sticky and why do i have a coconut?

10:43 pm Shot #6 : U know what, guys? i <3 u , you r teh bestest. DA BESSSST! I raize my glass to u.

10:59 pm : U knw wht fealz gud, u guyz? The carpet. ON MY FACE. I waz sitting in da chair & sum how ended up of teh flooor. Itz soooooo soft, u guyz!!!!!

11:06 pm : Roomz all spinnyz.

11:13 pm : I hate u, tequiala. I hatez u sew much.

11:22 pm : Im sorry, teqwuila, Idonthateu. pleasemakeroomstopspin.

11:31 pm : Izsosleepyses. florfealzsogudsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss




*editors note: At this point it Jessi was found asleep, cuddling a coconut.

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