12 Aug

Vinyl Record Day!

tumblr_nagb1xxBpP1rqb2tko1_500Sometimes people call the store and ask if we sell records. We don’t, which is sad. (Although we do sell these really awesome bowls made from old records. Only the un-playable ones, clearly.) I’m not entirely sure why some people think that we sell records, but I’m just going to assume it’s because Vinyl is awesome and we sell awesome things.

A few of my favorite albums of all time are only available on Vinyl. Yeah, they’re old. And not well-enough known for someone to have ripped them from record and posted online for the world to have at their fingertips. I guess, I could do that myself, but why would I when I could just throw on a record and sit back and listen to that pop hiss beauty.

If you stop in your local Barnes and Nobles, it’s pretty apparent that someone is trying to bring records back. You can now get your favorite new hot album in vinyl format, right off the presses. And they all come with MP3 download codes so that you can listed to the album on your iPod when you don’t have time to sit down and soak in the sounds from your record player.

Even though records are coming back (ish?) there are a lot of people who get all excited by my record collection but then don’t know how to interact with them. I mean, if I had a dollar for every time someone put their fingers right on one of my records or tried to stack them flat, I would still not have enough money to pay for the heart attacks that these incidents cause.

So, in honor of Vinyl Record Day, here are some handy Do’s and Don’t’s!

  • Do listen to records often. And make sure you’re sitting still and paying attention and letting that heavenly music stream all the way through your body like a good high.
  • Don’t put your greasy fingers on them, I don’t care if you JUST washed your hands. Records are delicate and wonderful things, and you know how if you touch your face, you get acne? Well if you touch a record, you give it acne and then it skips incessantly.
  • Do show off your records to your friends. Because they need to be indoctrinated into the wonder of vinyl. One Of Us.
  • Don’t sit on them. I did that once when I was very small. My mother has still not forgiven me. Nor has she thrown the pieces away.
  • Do turn the volume ALL the way up. Your neighbors can deal. Records are pretty short compared to ‘shuffle all’, so it’s not like it’s going to be noisy forever!
  • Don’t just leave your favorite record on the player all the time because don’t you know what dust is? Dust is the thing that makes your record into just a weird flat disk that you can only use to srve pasta on, but not even that because there’s a hole in the middle.
  • Do stack your records standing up. Flat records are sad records. I mean, you wouldn’t stack cupcakes directly on top of each other, would you? Records are like cupcakes.
  • Don’t just drop that record back into the sleeve. OMG are you serious. You do that one too many times, and BAM, the sleeve splits, the record hits the hard ground edge first and breaks into a million pieces like Cinderella's poor pumpkin when those idiot horse riders savagely stampeded it. Don’t be an idiot horse rider person. Slide it in gently while flat.
  • Do treat owning records like owning Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL.


So, what do you think?