Because March 3rd is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day, that's why.   Feeding them, playing with them, walking them, buying them gifts and treats. Is it because we love them? You might say yes, but you’d just be lying to yourself. The real reason behind why we do these things is to keep them content and delay the inevitable evolution of Dogs and Cats acquiring opposable thumbs. Because when that happens it’s all over.

cat thumb

It's too late to stop it...

Picture it. It will start slowly at first. Dogs opening their own cages and playing fetch with themselves, cats stealing the milk and opening windows at will, but then it will worsen. Cats will develop the ability to read books on the history of war, dogs will join gun clubs and an all out war will begin between the two. Fur will fly. Humans are just acceptable casualties as the evolution continues to morph these once docile animals.

face of enemy

The face of the enemy...

The cat will dominate at first, pushing the dog menace to the ends of the world, but it is there the dogs thirst for vengeance shall overcome. The canines will become monsters, devouring everything in their path, using their pure strength to strike fear into the hearts of felines across the globe.

scooby2

Gives Scooby-Doo a whole new look...

Just at the moment when dogs and cats have almost made each other extinct, they will come to the realization that they can work together. This is very bad for us humans. Together the dog/cat race will enslave the humans, forcing us to give belly rubs hours on end and allowing nothing on television with the exception of Homeward Bound, Snow Dogs, and That Darn Cat. Hell on earth. Soon the two will interbred creating a new super-race on planet earth. Humans will devolve and be simple minded slave creatures used as scratching posts and poop picker-uppers.

catdog

All hail the master race!

Don’t believe me? Think I’m crazy? I suppose only time will tell, but you have been warned. I’m sure soon after this blog is posted I’ll disappear in freak accept for “letting the cat out of the bag”. That will be the beginning. I would advise you to stock up on cat nip and bacon as these will eventually be more valuable than gold and could allow you to barter for your life. I leave you with this video, is it a cute advertisement for milk, or an accurate warning for the danger the human race is facing? You decide.

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So, what do you think?