Do you have a friend who disappears for hours and comes back bruised? Does your friend randomly do a lot of pushups in the middle of the floor? Is your friend able to, for some odd reason, tell you every species of bats and which one is the scariest? Are they a billionaire and have done nothing to achieve this status except be born to the right parents? If so, your friend may be Batman. Or if not Batman, they might think they are Batman.
So what do you get as a gift for your Batman-friend? Are you at a loss, thinking that they probably already own every cool gadget? At Kards Unlimited, we were also stumped by this question. Fortunately, we have Batman’s famous butler’s number, and he had all the advice.
“Bandaids,”Alfred immediately said, when we called him up at the mansion in Gotham. “He is always in need of Bandaids after a night of running about like an idiot. Especially pretty Bandaids. He’s always going for very boring Bandaids, like skin-color or black. I shake my head at this every time. Why Bru-… Batman? Why be boring?”
Gotcha, Alfred. So for your Batman-friend who may or may not actually be Batman, we have lots of Bandaids with a special twist at Kards Unlimited. Once you enter the magical store, take three steps and look left. Here you will see about waist-level (or head-level, really depends how tall you are) unicorn Bandaids, Jane Austin Bandaids, Edgar Allen Poe Bandaids, Jesus Bandaids, and more. So if your Batman- friend gets a cut, give them an optimistic Bandaid that will make that mean frown upside down.
A Graphic Novel of Themselves
“Batman,” said Alfred while preparing a cup of Earl-Grey tea, “is a bit egotistical. He likes reading books about himself because he likes to see how he’s portrayed in a plethora of mediums, including graphic novels. Why this is, don’t ask me.”
So buy your Batman-friend a graphic novel of themselves! At Kards Unlimited, we shelve a plethora of Batman graphic novels. If you don’t know which books of themselves they already own, ask them! Then surprise them with a mean-looking graphic novel such as Batman: R.I.P., Batman: The City of Owls, Batman: Death in the Family, and more!
A Batman Through the Years Mug
“Batman”, said Alfred, “always likes to drink coffee in the morning; I like tea.” Alfred hinted that Batman’s time with a certain American girlfriend brought about this change of taste, but then quickly changed the topic to more shallow complaints. “Batman keeps forgetting to bring his mugs down from his bedroom so none of them get washed. I told him, we made a deal, that if I helped him with his taxes then he would wash his own mugs. Well, since he won’t wash his own, he keeps trying to use mine. And we all know that the taste of coffee in a mug can really ruin the taste of tea. So, yes, if you could get a great mug that he will want to wash so he’ll stay away from mine, that would be bloody fantastic.”
KU’s Batman Through the Years is perfect. Not only is it an awesome mug, but it also serves as a way for your Batman-friend to contemplate their past life as they sip warm, hot coffee. This is definitely a mug they will want to wash again and again and again.
I Heart Guts
“Batman keeps hurting his organs,” Alfred said, “even though I keep warning him, he is not being kind to his body. If you could get him something to remind him to be kind to his body, I would be grateful.”
Here at KU, we sell a line called “I Heart Guts”: organs that are soft, cuddly and totally realistic. Have your Batman-friend snuggle with a spleen, a heart, appendix, tooth, and we think they will immediately become more aware of the harm they could be causing their little friends inside themselves. Also, they make great companions to make your Batman-friend feel less lonely, just in case their significant ex is killed in an explosion set off by a joker.
All My Friends Are Dead
This small book, found on our coffee table book selection, was not recommended by Alfred but recommended by KU. This book will help any person who identifies as Batman connect with their inner feelings as they realize they are not alone with all their friends being dead. Whether a dinosaur, a sock, or a tree, your Batman friend will laugh and cry simultaneously as they remember all the friends they have lost and make them feel, hopefully, not so alone. Especially if they are reading this while cuddling with an organ.
But the most important thing, as Alfred summed up at the end of our conversation, is love. “I am sure, whatever you give Batman (or someone who thinks they are Batman), as long as it is given in love, it will be gratefully appreciated. Saving a city is rough business, and a lonely one. So love goes a long way.”
That’s it on our end. Please comment below on other gifts you think would be perfect for someone who identifies as Batman. And what’s better, coffee or tea?
Welcome February! Thank goodness January is OVER! Jan 2016 was definitely a bit choppy there for a bit. But time keeps moving, and it a new month full of new things! Exciting things! Keep reading to hear about the hot stuff happening in the cold of February.
This month is Library Lovers Month, National Condoms Month and Marijuana Awareness Month! You can probably celebrate those all at once… just saying.
On February 2, Punxsutawney Phil has his say for Groundhog Day. On the 5th, get your freak on for Working Naked Day! It’s probably best to get permission first though. The 5th is also Bubble Gum Day and the release of the MUCH ANTICIPATED(here, at least) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in theaters!! Buy your tickets now, kids!
Celebrate on the 6th with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s! It’s Ice Cream For Breakfast Day! It’s also a great day to visit I Made It! Market in the Waterfront! They’ll be selling so many hand-made goodies. You just have to stop by and see!
Birthdays this week: Ayn Rand and James Joyce (February 2), George Romero (February 4), and Arthur Weasley (February 6).
I’m sure everyone has already put the Super Bowl in their calendars, but just incase you need the reminder, it’s on the 7th! The 8th is Opera Day, so make sure to save your vocals! The 9th is Mardi Grass and Read in the Bathtub Day. You might want to choose between the two, because eating massive amounts of pancakes and drinking all the booze will probably make it really hard to read in the tub. The 9th is also the release day for Morning Star by Pierce Brown AND Glass Sword by Victoria Aveyard!! We are so ready to continue the Red Rising and Red Queen Series, JUST LET US TELL YOU. OMG.
On the 12th, we would celebrate Darwin Day, but we will be super busy SEEING DEADPOOL IN THEATERS.
Birthdays this week: Laura Ingalls Wilder and Charles Dickens (February 7), Seth Green and John Williams (February 8), and Judy Blume and Charles Darwin (February 12).
Of course, we all know that the 14th is Valentine’s Day. But did you know that it is also Ferris Wheel Day? Followed, on the 15th, by National Gumdrop Day and the Westminster Dog Show on the 15th and 16th!
Birthdays this week: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (February 17), and Bruce Wayne (February 19).
Heartbreak of all heartbreak, Alan Rickman would have turned 70 on the 21st. However, you can distract yourself from that pain by getting tickets to the Steel City Roller Derby Game on the 21st. It’s the Allegheny Avengers vs. the Mon Monsters! It’s also BOOK CLUB! Join us to talk about T.H. White’s The Once and Future King. <3
The 22nd is National Margarita Day! It’s a NATIONAL holiday, so you should probably celebrate. On the 23rd, we celebrate the ancient art of throwing stones with Curling is Cool Day, as well as the release of A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab!
National Chili Day is on the 26th. The 26th is also the first day of Texas Cowboy Poetry Days, but more importantly, it’s day one of Pittsburgh Winter Beerfest! Beerfest closes out on the 27th, which is also, conveniently, Open That Bottle Night.
Birthdays this week: Alan Rickman (February 21), and Edward Gorey (February 22).
Start off the week by watching the 2016 Oscars on the 28th! This week also has a BONUS ROUND day, because Leap Day is on the 29th!
Birthdays this week: Superman (February 29)
Hello and welcome, December! HANUKKAH IS HERE! CHRISTMAS IS HERE! KWANZAA IS HERE! We’ve been waiting for December since, well, January, and we’re delighted that it’s here again! December is more than the usual holidays, though. Just to name a few, we’ve got National Cotton Candy Day (December 7), Cat Herders Day (December 15), National Chocolate Covered Anything Day (December 16), and Bacon Day (December 30) and they all make this month even more magical! Read on to find out all of our awesome celebrations this month! Read more »
Homemade Bread Day is nationally celebrated on November 17. To celebrate, I’m going to run you through a quick natural history of bread! For thousands of years, baking fresh bread was part of people’s daily routines. Bread is one of the oldest prepared foods dating back to the Neolithic era.
The Neolithic era was when people switched from nomadic hunter-gatherers and pastoralists to farmers. This greatly encouraged settlement growth, increasing the need to tend crops, which required localized dwellings that led to farming towns, larger cities, and domesticated animals. By living in permanent or seasonally inhabited settlements, they produced surplus crops. These extra crops could be stored for use during lean seasons or traded for luxury items.
Agrarian societies proved successful. Societies were able to expand their territories. Farming was limited to a narrow range of plants such as wheat, millet, and spelt. This was a significant shift from a varied diet to reliance on starch and plant protein. Did you know colloquially bread is known as the “staff of life?” Well it is! Which just proves how important bread has been in cultural progress.
Let’s jump forward 30,000 years….
…to 1961 when the Chorleywood bread process was developed. This process involves an intense mechanical working of the dough to dramatically reduce the fermentation period and the time taken to make a loaf. Normally, this is what factories use to mass produce bread. Cheap and quick, just like Americans like. I mean, we can’t be bothered to make our own bread….
…Enter the breadmaking machine. Breadmakers were invented in 1986 in Japan and the popularity caught on worldwide. Breadmakers and appliances have taken almost all the effort out of baking, yet no one makes their own bread. It’s truly a shame. Home baked bread is not only healthier, the smell of baking bread is magical, and the quality is undisputed. It is higher in fiber, lower in salt and additives, and all recipes can be modified to suit one’s preferences.
So go forth! Bake some bread!
Hello and welcome, November! Fall is in full swing, the days are shorter, and we’ll be dreaming of thanksgiving dinner for the next 26 nights. PASS THE CRANBERRY SAUCE! Here are all of the exciting things we’ll be celebrating this month from Sherlock Holmes Weekend, to Homemade Bread Day, Dr. Who Day, and everything in between.
International Magic Week is each year from October 25–31. It is a week to celebrate the world of magic and magicians. Magic Week ends on 10/31, the anniversary of Harry Houdini’s death. Harry Houdini was the greatest magician and escapist of them all.
Did you know the Harry Houdini Museum is located in Scranton, Pennsylvania? It’s quite possibly the only thing in Scranton worth seeing. The museum is open to the public on Sundays from 1 PM-4:30 PM and by appointment. They show films relating to Houdini and offer a magic show to guests. On Halloween every year, the museum has a seance and psychic evening. The famous Halloween Houdini Seance was originally performed by Houdini’s wife, then passed on to his biographer, then passed to magician Dorothy Dietrich.
There are many ways to celebrate Magic Week. Watch the miniseries Houdini on Netflix, take a trip to the Houdini Museum, grab some tricks to learn from a magic shop (do those exist anymore?), have your own seance using our Suprnatural Ouija Board, learn to do tarot readings, or learn how to pull a quarter from behind someone’s ear. However, escaping whilst in chains from a large tank of water is not recommended, for obvious reasons.
We also have Harry Potter magic wands, if you’re into that kind of magic (you know you are)! Cast some spells!
I love field trips and this month is National Field Trip Month! If you’re a nanny, teacher, mother, father, aunt, uncle, teacher, grandparent or any person with legal access to a child, plan your special little munchkin a trip. These are memories that will last a lifetime. Don’t slack off, it’s time you’ll never get back. This holiday isn’t just for kids, if you’re a college student enjoying Pittsburgh for the first time you should try to get out there this month before the weather goes ka-blewy again. As Miss Frizzle says, “Take chances. Make mistakes. Get messy.”
Hands on activities engage students who would otherwise be disengaged. Learning is cool, but everyone absorbs information differently, just like paper towel brands (Sparkle is clearly the village idiot of paper towels). The weather is glorious, the leaves are changing, it’s a beautiful time of year to be out and about. There’s no age limit on learning. Get out there and learn something new!
Pittsburgh has no shortage of fantastic field trip locations! So here are my recommendations, in case you hate google or something:
Are you an adventure junky? Does crawling through an underground cave system sound delightful? Then spelunking is for you! No worries, there are two tours, an advanced tour where you get deep in it, as the youths say, or an easier tour. They also have mini golf; the only mini golf ever made in a cave. If mini golf and spelunking are too adventurous for you, they also have gemstone panning. There is a guided tour that’s handicap accessible! Yay! Plus, it’s located in the strikingly beautiful Laurel Highlands.
Fallingwater is just a hop, skip, and a jump from Laurel Caverns. They do an early morning nature hike on select weekends to explore the grounds around Frank Lloyd Wright’s masterpiece. Wright was all about fusing natural landscapes with architecture.
This is another Frank Lloyd Wright house. Tours are open from 9 AM until 4 PM, except Wednesdays when they open at noon. You must schedule a tour in advance. Frank Lloyd Wright once said, “No house should ever be on a hill or on anything. It should be of the hill. Belonging to it. Hill and house should live together each the happier for the other.” There is a modern sculpture collection on the grounds.
Phipps has a variety of cool exhibits and events. Whether you like wine, fairy tales, or the African Congo, Phipps has something for everyone to enjoy.
And don’t forget to record your experiences in a new journal from Kards Unlimited!