Ice cream is the ultimate treat. I don’t care what time of year it is, ice cream is permissible. If you’re one of those people that’s like, “OMG I don’t eat ice cream when it’s cold out,” we are not friends. And there is always room for dessert, even if I’ve just eaten a 7 course meal. ICE CREAM IS THE BEST! Here are a bunch of gratuitous ice cream related gifs.
Lieutenant LaForge still has no explanation for the strange man who materialized aboard the Enterprise. His appearance is strikingly similar to my own. His name is Patrick Stewart. He claims to be from Earth year 2015. He even has the same birthday as me, though he was born 365 years before me.
He seems to have no nefarious motives and was as surprised as we were at his mysterious sudden arrival. Patrick Stewart has led an interesting life that parallels my own in many ways. We share a kinship of sorts. He is an English actor who rose to fame playing a starship captain on the show Star Trek: The Next Generation with a crew much like my own. The similarities are eerie, especially since his character on the television program even shares my name.
When I asked Patrick to describe his starship captain he said that his captain is known for his vast intelligence, mastery of diplomacy and debate, patience, tactical cunning, and moral compass. Who am I to argue with that?! Thats quite the character reference! Stewart said, “It came to a point where I had no idea where Picard began and I ended. We completely overlapped. His voice became my voice, and there were other elements of him that became me.” This Patrick Stewart isn’t only a force in the science fiction world, he is also known for his charity work and activism.
His political leanings stem from his belief in equality. He is a self proclaimed feminist and socialist. In July 2012, he was honored with the privilege of carrying the Olympic torch in London. Although he has also been knighted by Queen Elizabeth, he says that carrying the torch was more impressive. I’ll wager he drank earl grey tea (hot) over crumpets with Her Majesty the Queen if he’s anything like myself.
And when he isn’t winning awards for his acting or receiving some of the highest honors on Earth, he enjoys racing his neighbor Jeremy Clarkson, flying helicopters with James McAvoy, though apparently he found it quite terrifying, Starship Captain indeed! I don’t think he would be comfortable engaging the Picard Maneuver! He showed me photos of him rescuing a baby bird and playing in a ball pit with a wife half his age (maybe there’s hope for Beverly and I yet!). He even had early onset baldness like myself.
Lieutenant LaForge is working on a solution to get him back to his proper time period, but for now we are all enjoying this man’s company. He is putting on a Shakespearean performance tonight with the help of the crew. We are all excited.
Captain’s Log Supplemental
Patrick Stewart vanished after his riveting Shakespearean performance. I have never seen a soliloquy quite like his. We are all fortunate to have met such a talented man from a century long before our own who shares values with Starfleet. Men and women from the past like Patrick Stewart were the beginning of a much larger movement on Earth towards a united planet that values peace. Yes, we are lucky to have met him.
You know what’s awful? Being out, sweating practically to death, and then coming home to your sweltering home. And sweating fully to death.
Or you know, a lot. Whatever. I’ve died about a million times in my melodramatic life.
The point is, ain’t nobody got time to be sweating their dick off in summer. Especially when they’re trying to sleep.
Or better yet, has your car’s AC ever stopped working in the dead of summer? It’s like when you first get into your car after it’s been buttoned up, except it never really cools off and you’re essentially riding around in a giant, sun powered toaster oven. No thank you.
These are all of the reasons I appreciate AC. These dogs are not enjoying AC but the output from an AC. But THEY ARE STILL SO CUTE.
As always, here at KU
I’ll admit right away that I still have so much reading to do when it comes to Robert Heinlein. I’ve only read a few of his books. But two of those books totally shaped my growing years. Those books were good friends to me.
Those books also introduced me and made me fall in love with science fiction. Heinlein wasn’t just writing about monsters from space or ray guns and floating cars. His books dealt with a lot of social issues, provoking his readers to think about the way the world was heading. He also dealt a great bit with things that were super important to a young me: he challenged the ideas of sexuality and gender.
If you haven’t yet, you should read Stranger in a Strange Land. As soon as possible. And while you’re reading it, you should keep in mind that it was published in 1961.
Also, just FYI, if you like waterbeds, you should thank dear Robert. He invented the idea after staying in the hospital and wrote it up in one of his books. He never patented it, but he used a detailed description in his book that allowed someone else to make it a real thing. Also, on the note of him being a man before his time, he also wrote about this thing that was really a cell phone before people had cell phones. What a clever guy.
Here are some amazing quotes from his work.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” — Stranger in a Strange Land
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” -not from a book
“Happiness consists in getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more.” -Starship Troopers
It was 1989, I was 8 years old, in the 3rd grade. I lived on a military base in Winter Harbor, Maine. Every Friday, a van would come and pick up all the kids a (in a legal non predatory way) and take us to Millbridge, the nearest town to see a movie. [INSERT EPIC MINDBLOWING UPDATE: while writing this I googled the theater, which is like googling an image in a dream you had or like that scene in High Fidelity where John Cusack finds his ex listed in the phonebook and screams “She’s an extra terrestrial, a ghost, a myth, not a person in a phone book!”…basically you don’t really expect it to exist outside of your brain because it’s YOURS and it’s the PAST…anyway, an article posted TODAY telling me that the owner died and the theater will be closing after 36 summers. True story: here’s the article.]
So despite my tears I’ll keep typing. There was a boy I liked, but he couldn’t decide between my friend Sarah and I (I eventually fell for her too, oof.) We all compromised and he asked both of us to be his date that night (yes, 3rd grade.) During the movie he had his arms around both of us and I was happy and sad and full of existential angst. On the ride home I started to pull away as the new Aerosmith song “What it Takes” (To Let You Go) played on the radio. It was raining, and I had my head against the window-it was pretty epic; one of those moments that NO ONE IN THE WORLD COULD EVEN UNDERSTAND because YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW because I was the ONLY PERSON TO EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON, etc.
So we get back home and as I go to get out at my stop, he takes my hand, pulls me toward him and says “let me french you goodbye” but without waiting for an “ok” from me. Everything went into slo mo and all I could see was his mouth open really wide and coming toward me like Alien to Sigourney Weaver. I closed my eyes and parted my lips for my first kiss:
a tickle on the roof of my mouth
a slick tingle around my lips
what actually happened: his mouth was just on top of my mouth, we kept them wide open, he licked my hard palette and then circled my lips like he was Burt’s Bees. Done. Over.
Suddenly, all that angsty existential darkness lifted as I realized I NEVER wanted him to kiss me again. I looked at Sarah and smiled as I gave up my claim on him and turned my sites toward her. Let’s just say thanks to playing house I learned how to really enjoy kissing, and haven’t stopped since. My fiance and I were featured on the cover of DC’s city paper kissing at the Pride parade because we are both huge Allies, and because we both looked pretty hot. Just saying. I mean but really. When I’m 80 I’ll remember these boobs fondly and be happy they made it onto the internet.
So, kissing pro tips:
1. Don’t force it; move with your partner, compromise your styles if they are different and find your rhythm.
2. As I learned when I was 8, don’t go in with your mouth wide open and don’t try to eat your partner.
3. Remember to swallow once in a while.
4. Date or be engaged or married to someone super hot.
5. KISS THE ONE YOU LOVE EVERY TIME YOU THINK IT. If you’re like me you worry about death a lot. So kiss before sleep, at goodbyes, and every moment in between. Because, death.
6. Don’t think about death.
HAPPY KISSING EVERYONE!!!
Need another suggestion for #KUBookBingo’s Classic Fiction square? A novel or collection of short stories by Franz Kafka (or by one of the authors he influenced) may be just the sort of weird classic you’d like to read. To do so would be the perfect way to celebrate his birthday, for on this day in 1883, Franz Kafka was born in Prague. Some of his most famous works include A Hunger Artist, The Metamorphoses, and The Trial. Kafka’s writing, although witty and hilarious, can often be dense, so it’s worth starting with his short stories, such as A Hunger Artist or The Metamorphosis. A Hunger Artist is about a man who starves himself for a living and struggles to find relevance in a world that no longer finds entertainment in his “art.” The Metamorphosis, his most famous story, is about a man who wakes up one morning to find that he has been transformed into a giant, cockroach-like creature. The reason for his transformation is never explained, and he must accept his new life as a feared and despised creature unable to provide for his ungrateful family.
If you’re into River Song-style SPOILERS, check out Sparky Sweets’ Thug Notes’ summary and analysis of The Metamorphosis below, because it’s great:
But if you’re in need of a challenge, Kafka’s novel, The Trial, (Ya know, “light” summer reading), is a must-read for all future lawyers, or anyone who hates lawyers, or anyone who hates themselves, because although humorous, the story often drags in order to show what a “drag” the judicial system can be. Kafka actually studied law in college, so he knew first-hand the absurdity, complexity, and often straight-up BS of the judiciary. Kafka’s absurdism and style of writing influenced some of the best (and my favorite) 20th century authors, such as Albert Camus and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. His style of writing even inspired the word “Kafkaesque,” which is demonstrated in this comic below:
So, here’s to Kafka’s birthday! Let’s celebrate with absurdist fiction and hope that the day isn’t remotely Kafkaesque and never ends. Because that would suck.
Clamp on your tin foil hat, look up to the stars, and hide under your bed, Alien Abduction Day is here!
March 20 is Alien Abduction Day, when the skies are carefully watched by those expecting / wishing to be abducted by an alien life form. Although you may ask yourself, how can I, a reasonably sane individual, celebrate Alien Abduction Day? For starters, you can keep track of all your alien and UFO sightings. If you are new at this sort of extraterrestrial stuff, UFOcenter.com can help. You will find “The Web’s most comprehensive and up-to-date UFO information source; provided by America’s foremost UFO Reporting Agency; in continuous operation since 1974.” The site even features a UFO sighting report form.
Where’s Mulder when you need him?
If this is all a little too far out, go more mainstream and simply enjoy an alien abduction movie on March 20. Here are a few suggestions: “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” “Fire in the Sky,” “The X-Files: Fight the Future,” “The Thing,” “Communion” and “Signs.”
“Watch the skies. Everywhere. Keep looking. Keep watching the skies.”
July 1st. You may know it as a typical summer day, or maybe as a lead up to the fourth of July? Well you’d be right and so very wrong on both accounts. July 1st is a day we should all celebrate in supreme thankfulness, because it’s the day that the man who kept the arc of the covenant out of the hands of the Nazis, stopped a dark evil from spreading over India, found the holy grail and rescued us from the …aliens… no, no sorry that last one didn’t happen. Anyway, this guy was born. Of course I’m speaking of none other than the greatest screen hero of all time, Doctor Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones Junior.
Indiana was the name of his dog.
The Indiana Jones trilogy (Yes, trilogy. There was never a fourth movie made and it was all just a terrible dream everyone shared simultaneously) is the single greatest action/adventure franchise ever created. It also convinced me I could wield a whip and out run boulders. Disclaimer: These are NOT things You can do.
Disclaimer #2: You also will NOT look cool in a fedora.
From the cool fedora, to the sweet leather jacket, to the man satchel, Indy has it all. Style, grace, fight moves, and big brown eyes. Indy is a man’s man. And he’ adopted small Asian kids before it was cool.
But whatever happened to Short Round?
Okay, I’m breaking down, I can’t do it anymore. As much as I want to pretend Kingdom of the Crystal Skull never happened, it did. We all saw it, we all cried. I know grief is hard, but together we move past it, get on with our lives, and love the Indy we used to know. But seriously, stay away from the Blu-Ray of Crystal Skull, I’ve heard rumors that if you watch it with your eyes open, well.…
There might be side-effects.
I’ll leave you with this, to help make what I’m sure is a boring Monday into an adventure. Seriously, play it while completing any task and tell me you don’t feel just a little bit more like a hero. Changing the coffee. Changing the stapler. Changing the Diaper. All now more heroic.