19 Jul
2015

Happy National Ice Cream Day!

Ice cream is the ulti­mate treat. I don’t care what time of year it is, ice cream is per­mis­si­ble. If you’re one of those peo­ple that’s like, “OMG I don’t eat ice cream when it’s cold out,” we are not friends. And there is always room for dessert, even if I’ve just eat­en a 7 course meal. ICE CREAM IS THE BEST! Here are a bunch of gra­tu­itous ice cream relat­ed gifs.

IC 9

I want to live in this place.

IC 8

See also: Ron Swan­son eat­ing a banana. Price­less.

IC 7

AND WE ARE BIG FANS OF YOUR CAPTAIN AMERICAN BUTT.

IC 1

Wuv, true wuv.

IC 2

<3 <3 <3

IC 3

True dat.

IC 4

ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!

IC 5

ic 6

And, the best for last.

13 Jul
2015

Jean Luc Picard MAKE IT SO

Captain’s Log.

 

Lieu­tenant LaForge still has no expla­na­tion for the strange man who mate­ri­al­ized aboard the Enter­prise.  His appear­ance is strik­ing­ly sim­i­lar to my own.  His name is Patrick Stew­art.  He claims to be from Earth year 2015.  He even has the same birth­day as me, though he was born 365 years before me.

Am I Picard or Stewart???

Am I Picard or Stew­art???

He seems to have no nefar­i­ous motives and was as sur­prised as we were at his mys­te­ri­ous sud­den arrival.  Patrick Stew­art has led an inter­est­ing life that par­al­lels my own in many ways.  We share a kin­ship of sorts.  He is an Eng­lish actor who rose to fame play­ing a star­ship cap­tain on the show Star Trek: The Next Gen­er­a­tion with a crew much like my own.  The sim­i­lar­i­ties are eerie, espe­cial­ly since his char­ac­ter on the tele­vi­sion pro­gram even shares my name.
images

When I asked Patrick to describe his star­ship cap­tain he said that his cap­tain is known for his vast intel­li­gence, mas­tery of diplo­ma­cy and debate, patience, tac­ti­cal cun­ning, and moral com­pass.  Who am I to argue with that?!  Thats quite the char­ac­ter ref­er­ence!  Stew­art said, “It came to a point where I had no idea where Picard began and I end­ed.  We com­plete­ly over­lapped.  His voice became my voice, and there were oth­er ele­ments of him that became me.”  This Patrick Stew­art isn’t only a force in the sci­ence fic­tion world, he is also known for his char­i­ty work and activism.

This is what a feminist looks like

This is what a fem­i­nist looks like

His polit­i­cal lean­ings stem from his belief in equal­i­ty.  He is a self pro­claimed fem­i­nist and social­ist.  In July 2012, he was hon­ored with the priv­i­lege of car­ry­ing the Olympic torch in Lon­don.  Although he has also been knight­ed by Queen Eliz­a­beth, he says that car­ry­ing the torch was more impres­sive.  I’ll wager he drank earl grey tea (hot) over crum­pets with Her Majesty the Queen if he’s any­thing like myself.

Picard Maneuver my ass!

Picard Maneu­ver my ass!

And when he isn’t win­ning awards for his act­ing or receiv­ing some of the high­est hon­ors on Earth, he enjoys rac­ing his neigh­bor Jere­my Clark­son, fly­ing heli­copters with James McAvoy, though appar­ent­ly he found it quite ter­ri­fy­ing, Star­ship Cap­tain indeed!  I don’t think he would be com­fort­able engag­ing the Picard Maneu­ver!  He showed me pho­tos of him res­cu­ing a baby bird and play­ing in a ball pit with a wife half his age (may­be there’s hope for Bev­er­ly and I yet!).  He even had ear­ly onset bald­ness like myself.

This is something I'm going to have to work on programming into the holodeck for Beverly.

This is some­thing I’m going to have to work on pro­gram­ming into the holodeck for Bev­er­ly.

Lieu­tenant LaForge is work­ing on a solu­tion to get him back to his prop­er time peri­od, but for now we are all enjoy­ing this man’s com­pa­ny.  He is putting on a Shake­speare­an per­for­mance tonight with the help of the crew.  We are all excit­ed.

Look he ran into the Doctor too!

Look he ran into the Doc­tor too!

Captain’s Log Sup­ple­men­tal
Patrick Stew­art van­ished after his riv­et­ing Shake­speare­an per­for­mance.  I have nev­er seen a solil­o­quy quite like his.  We are all for­tu­nate to have met such a tal­ent­ed man from a cen­tu­ry long before our own who shares val­ues with Starfleet.  Men and wom­en from the past like Patrick Stew­art were the begin­ning of a much larg­er move­ment on Earth towards a unit­ed plan­et that val­ues peace.  Yes, we are lucky to have met him.

Stewart on Halloween

Stew­art on Hal­loween

We don't carry this fake perfume, but we do carry Star Trek cuff links, mugs, and lunchboxes.  Quick, #1 to Kards Unlimited!  Engage!

We don’t car­ry this fake per­fume, but we do car­ry Star Trek cuff links, mugs, and lunch­box­es. Quick, #1 to Kards Unlim­it­ed! Engage!

8 Jul
2015

All of July is AC Appreciation Days!

You know what’s awful? Being out, sweat­ing prac­ti­cal­ly to death, and then com­ing home to your swel­ter­ing home. And sweat­ing ful­ly to death.

AC 6

Or you know, a lot. What­ev­er. I’ve died about a mil­lion times in my melo­dra­mat­ic life.

AC 4

She’s actu­al­ly out­side? So IDK WTF is going on but IT’S FINE, Gil Elv­gren.

The point is, ain’t nobody got time to be sweat­ing their dick off in sum­mer. Espe­cial­ly when they’re try­ing to sleep.

"The actress recalls having to have the air conditioning angled at her while on the set of Harry Potter." Sort of related.

The actress recalls hav­ing to have the air con­di­tion­ing angled at her while on the set of Har­ry Pot­ter.” Sort of relat­ed. AND YOU GO GURL. Any­way.

Or bet­ter yet, has your car’s AC ever stopped work­ing in the dead of sum­mer? It’s like when you first get into your car after it’s been but­toned up, except it nev­er real­ly cools off and you’re essen­tial­ly rid­ing around in a giant, sun pow­ered toast­er oven. No thank you.

Ac 3

*Psh might as well ride my horse every­where* Cars with no AC. PUH-LEASE.

The­se are all of the rea­sons I appre­ci­ate AC. The­se dogs are not enjoy­ing AC but the out­put from an AC. But THEY ARE STILL SO CUTE.

AC 5

As always, here at KUAC 2

 

7 Jul
2015

Cheers to the guy who invented the waterbed.

Happy Birthday Robert A. HeinleinI’ll admit right away that I still have so much read­ing to do when it comes to Robert Hein­lein. I’ve only read a few of his books. But two of those books total­ly shaped my grow­ing years. Those books were good friends to me.

Those books also intro­duced me and made me fall in love with sci­ence fic­tion. Hein­lein wasn’t just writ­ing about mon­sters from space or ray guns and float­ing cars. His books dealt with a lot of social issues, pro­vok­ing his read­ers to think about the way the world was head­ing. He also dealt a great bit with things that were super impor­tant to a young me: he chal­lenged the ideas of sex­u­al­i­ty and gen­der.

If you haven’t yet, you should read Stranger in a Strange Land. As soon as pos­si­ble. And while you’re read­ing it, you should keep in mind that it was pub­lished in 1961.

Also, just FYI, if you like waterbeds, you should thank dear Robert. He invent­ed the idea after stay­ing in the hos­pi­tal and wrote it up in one of his books. He nev­er patent­ed it, but he used a detailed descrip­tion in his book that allowed some­one else to make it a real thing.  Also, on the note of him being a man before his time, he also wrote about this thing that was real­ly a cell phone before peo­ple had cell phones. What a clev­er guy.

robert-heinlein1

Here are some amaz­ing quotes from his work.

Love is that con­di­tion in which the hap­pi­ness of anoth­er per­son is essen­tial to your own.” — Stranger in a Strange Land

Wom­en and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” -not from a book

Hap­pi­ness con­sists in get­ting enough sleep. Just that, noth­ing more.” -Star­ship Troop­ers

Robert-Heinlein-21

<3 <3 <3

5 Jul
2015

International Kissing Day (aka Everyday)

My first french kiss.

My first french kiss.

It was 1989, I was 8 years old, in the 3rd grade.  I lived on a mil­i­tary base in Win­ter Har­bor, Maine. Every Fri­day, a van would come and pick up all the kids a (in a legal non preda­to­ry way) and take us to Mill­bridge, the near­est town to see a movie. [INSERT EPIC MINDBLOWING UPDATE: while writ­ing this I googled the the­ater, which is like googling an image in a dream you had or like that scene in High Fideli­ty where John Cusack finds his ex list­ed in the phone­book and screams “She’s an extra ter­res­tri­al, a ghost, a myth, not a per­son in a phone book!”…basi­cal­ly you don’t real­ly expect it to exist out­side of your brain because it’s YOURS and it’s the PAST…anyway, an arti­cle post­ed TODAY telling me that the own­er died and the the­ater will be clos­ing after 36 sum­mers. True sto­ry: here’s the arti­cle.]

milbridgetheaterSo despite my tears I’ll keep typ­ing. There was a boy I liked, but he couldn’t decide between my friend Sarah and I (I even­tu­al­ly fell for her too, oof.) We all com­pro­mised and he asked both of us to be his date that night (yes, 3rd grade.) Dur­ing the movie he had his arms around both of us and I was hap­py and sad and full of exis­ten­tial angst. On the ride home I start­ed to pull away as the new Aero­smith song “What it Takes” (To Let You Go) played on the radio. It was rain­ing, and I had my head again­st the win­dow-it was pret­ty epic; one of those moments that NO ONE IN THE WORLD COULD EVEN UNDERSTAND because YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW because I was the ONLY PERSON TO EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON, etc.

So we get back home and as I go to get out at my stop, he takes my hand, pulls me toward him and says “let me french you good­bye” but with­out wait­ing for an “ok” from me. Every­thing went into slo mo and all I could see was his mouth open real­ly wide and com­ing toward me like Alien to Sigour­ney Weaver. I closed my eyes and part­ed my lips for my first kiss:

wet­ness

strange suc­tion

a tick­le on the roof of my mouth

a slick tin­gle around my lips

what actu­al­ly hap­pened: his mouth was just on top of my mouth, we kept them wide open, he licked my hard palet­te and then cir­cled my lips like he was Burt’s Bees. Done. Over.

Sud­den­ly, all that angsty exis­ten­tial dark­ness lift­ed as I real­ized I NEVER want­ed him to kiss me again. I looked at Sarah and smiled as I gave up my claim on him and turned my sites toward her. Let’s just say thanks to play­ing house I learned how to real­ly enjoy kiss­ing, and haven’t stopped since. My fiance and I were fea­tured on the cov­er of DC’s city paper kiss­ing at the Pride parade because we are both huge Allies, and because we both looked pret­ty hot. pridekiss (1)Just say­ing. I mean but real­ly. When I’m 80 I’ll remem­ber the­se boobs fond­ly and be hap­py they made it onto the inter­net.

So, kiss­ing pro tips:

1. Don’t force it; move with your part­ner, com­pro­mise your styles if they are dif­fer­ent and find your rhythm.

2. As I learned when I was 8, don’t go in with your mouth wide open and don’t try to eat your part­ner.

3. Remem­ber to swal­low once in a while.

4. Date or be engaged or mar­ried to some­one super hot.

5. KISS THE ONE YOU LOVE EVERY TIME YOU THINK IT. If you’re like me you wor­ry about death a lot. So kiss before sleep, at good­byes, and every moment in between. Because, death.

6. Don’t think about death.

HAPPY KISSING EVERYONE!!!

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3 Jul
2015

It’s Kafka’s Birthday!

Franz Kafka by Andy Warhol

Franz Kafka by Andy Warhol

Need anoth­er sug­ges­tion for #KUBook­Bin­go’s Clas­sic Fic­tion square? A nov­el or col­lec­tion of short sto­ries by Franz Kafka (or by one of the authors he influ­enced) may be just the sort of weird clas­sic you’d like to read. To do so would be the per­fect way to cel­e­brate his birth­day, for on this day in 1883, Franz Kafka was born in Prague. Some of his most famous works include A Hunger Artist, The Meta­mor­phoses, and The Tri­al. Kafka’s writ­ing, although wit­ty and hilar­i­ous, can often be dense, so it’s worth start­ing with his short sto­ries, such as A Hunger Artist or The Meta­mor­pho­sisA Hunger Artist is about a man who starves him­self for a liv­ing and strug­gles to find rel­e­vance in a world that no longer finds enter­tain­ment in his “art.” The Meta­mor­pho­sis, his most famous sto­ry, is about a man who wakes up one morn­ing to find that he has been trans­formed into a giant, cock­roach-like crea­ture. The rea­son for his trans­for­ma­tion is nev­er explained, and he must accept his new life as a feared and despised crea­ture unable to provide for his ungrate­ful fam­i­ly.

If you’re into River Song-style SPOILERS, check out Sparky Sweets’ Thug Notes’ sum­ma­ry and analy­sis of The Meta­mor­pho­sis below, because it’s great:

But if you’re in need of a chal­lenge, Kafka’s nov­el, The Tri­al, (Ya know, “light” sum­mer read­ing), is a must-read for all future lawyers, or any­one who hates lawyers, or any­one who hates them­selves, because although humor­ous, the sto­ry often drags in order to show what a “drag” the judi­cial sys­tem can be. Kafka actu­al­ly stud­ied law in col­lege, so he knew first-hand the absur­di­ty, com­plex­i­ty, and often straight-up BS of the judi­cia­ry. Kafka’s absur­dism and style of writ­ing influ­enced some of the best (and my favorite) 20th cen­tu­ry authors, such as Albert Camus and Gabriel Gar­cia Mar­quez. His style of writ­ing even inspired the word “Kafkaesque,” which is demon­strat­ed in this comic below:

kafka airplane comic

So, here’s to Kafka’s birth­day! Let’s cel­e­brate with absur­dist fic­tion and hope that the day isn’t remote­ly Kafkaesque and nev­er ends. Because that would suck.

kafka-dumala

2 Jul
2015

World UFO Day

 

 

 

Clamp on your tin foil hat, look up to the stars, and hide under your bed, Alien Abduc­tion Day is here!

08-ufo

 March 20 is Alien Abduc­tion Day, when the skies are care­fully watched by those expect­ing / wish­ing to be abduct­ed by an alien life form. Although you may ask your­self, how can I, a rea­son­ably sane indi­vid­ual, cel­e­brate Alien Abduc­tion Day? For starters, you can keep track of all your alien and UFO sight­ings. If you are new at this sort of extrater­res­trial stuff, UFOcenter.com can help. You will find “The Web’s most com­pre­hen­sive and up-to-date UFO infor­ma­tion source; pro­vided by America’s fore­most UFO Report­ing Agen­cy; in con­tin­u­ous oper­a­tion since 1974.” The site even fea­tures a UFO sight­ing report form.

x_files___i_want_to_believe_by_ramaelk-d4zlmrd

Where’s Mul­der when you need him?

If this is all a lit­tle too far out, go more main­stream and sim­ply enjoy an alien abduc­tion movie on March 20. Here are a few sug­ges­tions: “Close Encoun­ters of the Third Kind,” “Fire in the Sky,” “The X-Files: Fight the Future,” “The Thing,” “Com­mu­nion” and “Signs.”

thing-from-another-world-title-still

Watch the skies. Every­where. Keep look­ing. Keep watch­ing the skies.”

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1 Jul
2015

Dr. Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones Jr.

July 1st. You may know it as a typ­i­cal sum­mer day, or may­be as a lead up to the fourth of July? Well you’d be right and so very wrong on both accounts. July 1st is a day we should all cel­e­brate in supre­me thank­ful­ness, because it’s the day that the man who kept the arc of the covenant out of the hands of the Nazis, stopped a dark evil from spread­ing over India, found the holy grail  and res­cued us from the …aliens… no, no sor­ry that last one didn’t hap­pen. Any­way, this guy was born. Of course I’m speak­ing of none oth­er than the great­est  screen hero of all time, Doc­tor Hen­ry Wal­ton “Indi­ana” Jones Junior.

indiana2

Indi­ana was the name of his dog. 

The Indi­ana Jones tril­ogy (Yes, tril­ogy. There was nev­er a fourth movie made and it was all just a ter­ri­ble dream every­one shared simul­ta­ne­ously) is the sin­gle great­est action/adventure fran­chise ever cre­ated. It also con­vinced me I could wield a whip and out run boul­ders. Dis­claimer:  The­se are NOT things You can do.

tumblr_maknxesaoa1qg425ho1_500

Dis­claimer #2: You also will NOT look cool in a fedo­ra.

From the cool fedo­ra, to the sweet leather jack­et, to the man satchel, Indy has it all. Style, grace, fight moves, and big brown eyes. Indy is a man’s man. And he’ adopt­ed small Asian kids before it was cool.

tumblr_lwb0xmixDu1r3blmpo1_500

But what­ever hap­pened to Short Round?

Okay, I’m break­ing down, I can’t do it any­more. As much as I want to pre­tend King­dom of the Crys­tal Skull nev­er hap­pened, it did. We all saw it, we all cried. I know grief is hard, but togeth­er we move past it, get on with our lives, and love the Indy we used to know. But seri­ously, stay away from the Blu-Ray of Crys­tal Skull, I’ve heard rumors that if you watch it with your eyes open, well.…

Raiders-of-the-lost-ark-melting-face

There might be side-effects. 

I’ll leave you with this, to help make what I’m sure is a bor­ing Mon­day into an adven­ture. Seri­ously, play it while com­plet­ing any task and tell me you don’t feel just a lit­tle bit more like a hero. Chang­ing the cof­fee. Chang­ing the sta­pler. Chang­ing the Dia­per. All now more hero­ic.

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