Do you have a friend who dis­ap­pears for hours and comes back bruised? Does your friend ran­dom­ly do a lot of pushups in the mid­dle of the floor? Is your friend able to, for some odd rea­son, tell you every species of bats and which one is the scari­est? Are they a bil­lion­aire and have done noth­ing to achieve this sta­tus except be born to the right par­ents? If so, your friend may be Bat­man. Or if not Bat­man, they might think they are Bat­man.

So what do you get as a gift for your Bat­man-friend? Are you at a loss, think­ing that they prob­a­bly already own every cool gad­get? At Kards Unlim­it­ed, we were also stumped by this ques­tion. For­tu­nate­ly, we have Batman’s famous butler’s num­ber, and he had all the advice.

 

bat1Bandaids

Bandaids,”Alfred imme­di­ate­ly said, when we called him up at the man­sion in Gotham. “He is always in need of Bandaids after a night of run­ning about like an idiot. Espe­cial­ly pret­ty Bandaids. He’s always going for very bor­ing Bandaids, like skin-col­or or black. I shake my head at this every time. Why Bru-… Bat­man? Why be bor­ing?”

Gotcha, Alfred. So for your Bat­man-friend who may or may not actu­al­ly be Bat­man, we have lots of Bandaids with a spe­cial twist at Kards Unlim­it­ed. Once you enter the mag­i­cal store, take three steps and look left.  Here you will see about waist-lev­el (or head-lev­el, real­ly depends how tall you are) uni­corn Bandaids, Jane Austin Bandaids, Edgar Allen Poe Bandaids, Jesus Bandaids, and more. So if your Bat­man- friend gets a cut, give them an opti­mistic Bandaid that will make that mean frown upside down.

 

bat2A Graph­ic Nov­el of Them­selves

Bat­man,” said Alfred while prepar­ing a cup of Earl-Grey tea, “is a bit ego­tis­ti­cal. He likes read­ing books about him­self because he likes to see how he’s por­trayed in a pletho­ra of medi­ums, includ­ing graph­ic nov­els. Why this is, don’t ask me.” 

So buy your Bat­man-friend a graph­ic nov­el of them­selves! At Kards Unlim­it­ed, we shelve a pletho­ra of Bat­man graph­ic nov­els. If you don’t know which books of them­selves they already own, ask them! Then sur­prise them with a mean-look­ing graph­ic nov­el such as Bat­man: R.I.P., Bat­man: The City of Owls, Bat­man: Death in the Fam­i­ly, and more!

bat3A Bat­man Through the Years Mug

“Bat­man”, said Alfred, “always likes to drink cof­fee in the morn­ing; I like tea.” Alfred hint­ed that Batman’s time with a cer­tain Amer­i­can girl­friend brought about this change of taste, but then quick­ly changed the top­ic to more shal­low com­plaints. “Bat­man keeps for­get­ting to bring his mugs down from his bed­room so none of them get washed. I told him, we made a deal, that if I helped him with his tax­es then he would wash his own mugs. Well, since he won’t wash his own, he keeps try­ing to use mine. And we all know that the taste of cof­fee in a mug can real­ly ruin the taste of tea. So, yes, if you could get a great mug that he will want to wash so he’ll stay away from mine, that would be bloody fan­tas­tic.”

KU’s Bat­man Through the Years is per­fect. Not only is it an awe­some mug, but it also serves as a way for your Bat­man-friend to con­tem­plate their past life as they sip warm, hot cof­fee. This is def­i­nite­ly a mug they will want to wash again and again and again. 

 

bat4I Heart Guts

Bat­man keeps hurt­ing his organs,” Alfred said, “even though I keep warn­ing him, he is not being kind to his body. If you could get him some­thing to remind him to be kind to his body, I would be grate­ful.”

Here at KU, we sell a line called “I Heart Guts”: organs that are soft, cud­dly and total­ly real­is­tic. Have your Bat­man-friend snug­gle with a spleen, a heart, appen­dix, tooth, and we think they will imme­di­ate­ly become more aware of the harm they could be caus­ing their lit­tle friends inside them­selves. Also, they make great com­pan­ions to make your Bat­man-friend feel less lone­ly, just in case their sig­nif­i­cant ex is killed in an explo­sion set off by a jok­er.

 

bat5All My Friends Are Dead

This small book, found on our cof­fee table book selec­tion, was not rec­om­mend­ed by Alfred but rec­om­mend­ed by KU. This book will help any per­son who iden­ti­fies as Bat­man con­nect with their inner feel­ings as they real­ize they are not alone with all their friends being dead. Whether a dinosaur, a sock, or a tree, your Bat­man friend will laugh and cry simul­ta­ne­ous­ly as they remem­ber all the friends they have lost and make them feel, hope­ful­ly, not so alone. Espe­cial­ly if they are read­ing this while cud­dling with an organ. 

But the most impor­tant thing, as Alfred summed up at the end of our con­ver­sa­tion, is love. “I am sure, what­ev­er you give Bat­man (or some­one who thinks they are Bat­man), as long as it is given in love, it will be grate­ful­ly appre­ci­at­ed. Sav­ing a city is rough busi­ness, and a lone­ly one. So love goes a long way.”

That’s it on our end. Please com­ment below on oth­er gifts you think would be per­fect for some­one who iden­ti­fies as Bat­man. And what’s bet­ter, cof­fee or tea?

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So, what do you think?