15 Mar

St. Pats: What You Need For Culturally Acceptable Day Drinking Day!

Sit down folks and let this lady leprechaun tell ye a story of the world and of magical days and then maybe if you're lucky - marshmallows.

March 17 marks the only day where everyone- no matter what their age, color, creed, or anything else that makes people different, come together.  For one day, one universal set of beliefs unite everyone in merriment and celebration . That day, my little friends, is St. Patrick's Day. When everyone is Irish, especially if you aren't! The day we celebrate St. Patrick...and uh...Irish things. Parades. Dying things green. And eating and drinking to excess. And did I mention everything green? And drinking? I said drinking already?

St. Patrick's Day has become synonymous with dying rivers green, kiss me I'm Irish, green beer, drunk texting, Shamrock Shakes, and day drinking in a way that is typically reserved for the unemployed, people who are Irish year round, and alcoholics (redundant)- but today is deemed completely acceptable for everyone! Festive, even!

We at KU understand how important this (unofficial) holiday is to all of you and want you to be prepared per usual! Here is a list of everything you're going to need to survive!

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Drink responsibly.

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12 Mar

Life, The Universe, and Everything.

The story so far:

One of the best opening lines of a book, EVER! You wanna fight about it?

The above quote is from the beginning of a little book call The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the second book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series, written by Douglas Adams. In case you didn't know, this man is one of my favorite authors. His blending of wit, schadenfreude, and off-the-wall characters has been pretty much unmatched. He passed away at the age of 49 in 2001. March 11th would have been his 60th birthday.

Douglas Adams: inventor of the Infinite Improbability Drive, Deep Thought, and The Babel Fish

We sell this book!

Not only did Adams write the Hitchhiker series, he is also the author of the Dirk Gently series, co-wrote The Meaning of Liff, AND wrote 3 episodes of Dr. Who!  DR. WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! To top it all of, he developed Hitchhikers Guide into a radio series, television mini-series, computer game, and finally the movie project. I know a bunch of people disliked the movie because it came out after Adams had passed, and they felt that it wasn't up to his standards, but I loved it! Sam Rockwell as Zaphod, BRILLANT! Mos Def as Ford, WHO KNEW HE'D BE THAT AWESOME WITH A TOWEL! Martin Freeman IS Arthur Dent, and Zooey Deschanel as Trillian isfuzzy kitten cuteness. Bill Nighy and John Malcovich make appearances, and ALAN RICKMAN IS THE VOICE OF MARVIN!!!! HOW CAN YOU DENY THIS MOVIE?!?!?

A year or so ago, the 6th installment to the Hitchhikers "trilogy" came out. Prior to his death, Adam's felt the need to continue the story, saying, "I would love to finish Hitchhiker on a slightly more upbeat note, so five seems the wrong kind of number; six is a better kind of number." After he passed, it was announced that Eion Colfer, author of Artemis Fowl series, would take the reigns. And so And Another Thing... came into being. I'll be honest, when I first finished the book, I didn't care for it that much. I had become one of those people who thought that if Douglas couldn't do it, then I wasn't interested. A good friend prodded me to re-read it with an open mind, and re-read it I did. AND I LOVED IT! Good job, Mr. Colfer. Good job, indeed.

We sell this book too!

So, on March 11th, celebrate the man who brought some odd-ball humor into the world. Grab a book, curl up with some tea, and enjoy. Just make sure you have your towel.

I'm just going to leave this here:

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-decended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

The planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most were largely concerned with with the movemnet of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should have ever left the oceans.

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8 Mar

Don’t Player Hate – Appreciate!

How frequently do you really tell someone or something that you appreciate what they bring yo your life? That there are things about them that you treasure. You can appreciate anything and today you should take the time to stop and think about it. Whether or not what you appreciate has the ability to listen or read , it can still feel. Or maybe this is just a good exercise in remembering that there are things that you appreciate.

p.s. its called writing a letter for a reason. It involves a paper and pen, ass-clown.

Dear iPhone,
Even though I'm moving closer and closer to disconnecting my internet, stopping use of my email and in time even getting rid of you and moving into a teepee in the woods I want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate the way you let me see the people I love while I'm talking to them. I love the way you saved Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. I love the way you let me photograph anything I want, whenever I want. I appreciate you for the way you let me listen to music for free. Check up on my friend's blogs. The way you show me maps of where I am and make it so I never feel lost. The way I can google whatever I want at any moment. The way you don't block porn. Even though I think you're recording all of my thoughts and selling them to Apple and giving the government my coordinates at all time, I appreciate you.

Dear women,
Despite thinking that you (we) are all insane I appreciate you. I appreciate your anatomy. Your soft skin. Your lady smell. Your ability to cuddle that is only matched by some pets. Your beauty. I appreciate the way your crazy keeps me going. I appreciate your passive aggressive nature because as much as I hate it, it amuses me and makes me love you. I appreciate you for giving birth to me and for being complicated. I appreciate that you're hot too. I appreciate that you have the ability to have children and start wars. Trojan ones.

Dear tea,
I appreciate you more than words can express. I appreciate your gentle notes. Your varied flavors Your steamy nature. The way you make me feel whole.

Dear Bonnie Raitt,
I appreciate your ginger hair. I appreciate you for writing songs that strike me in my heart even if they sound cheesy or outdated. I appreciate that you sang I Can't Make You Love Me so I can play it on repeat. And then when I start to judge myself for listening to it on repeat I can listen to someone like Alison Iraheta or Bon Iver cover it and feel like Im listening to something different.

Dear Pittsburgh,
Despite people thinking we don't like each other I don't feel like that's being true or fair to ourselves. I appreciate the way you make me not take the sun for granted even if I hate you for not giving me enough of it. I appreciate your small town, lack of pretension feel but with the benefits of a city even if I like to tell you that you aren't a real city. I appreciate your quirks and obsession with sports teams. I won't hate Red Sox fans when I go home next time. I'm lying. If I have to ride the T with them I will still hate them but I will remember year round Steelers fans and smile. I appreciate the way you get me drunk for 6 dollars- that's two drinks. I love your night life. I appreciate the people you've brought to me. I appreciate your white people and how silly they are and how they all  own Prius' and go out to brunch. I appreciate how many vegetarian restaurants you have and your appreciation and love of art. I appreciate that you make me walk places. I appreciate all your bridges. And Mr. Rogers. And museums.

Dear nose,
I never appreciate you enough. You help me make memories. And when you're stuffed up how you are today I realize how much you do without me noticing. Come back. I love you.

Dear 70s station at work,
I appreciate you. You make me feel at home. Or like Im a cast member in Dazed and Confused. thanks.


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7 Mar

Get Ready to Spoon – It’s Cereal Day!

That's me.

Satisfaction. Contentedness. So rarely are we able to feel such sentiments. There has always been one time and one time only that I could depend on something to supply me with this without fail. It doesn't matter when I get some. It doesn't matter what kind of mood I'm in going into it. I come out feeling right as rain. Not too full, not too much like a fat kid. Everything in my universe feels temporarily balanced after a big bowl of cereal.

Cereal is my comfort food. Sure, there are a lot of other foods that are better at comforting in the moment, but I'm usually full of regret after and wish I could take it back. Or at least take back half the box of mac'n cheese AND the grilled cheese sandwich that forces images of Cronus eating rock "babies" into my head about a half hour after the glorious gluttonous gorging is finished. Don't get it twisted ma - it doesn't stop me from doing it again. But it does make me wish I went with my not so shameful, dependable cereal.

Fact: When I go to buy groceries I walk up and down the cereal aisle looking at all the different types. I imagine what it would be like to get to know each of them. Intimately. Would I prefer eating this for breakfast? An after work snack? Dessert? Dinner, even? Would my vanilla almond milk enhance its flavors? How quickly does it get mushy? Will it be a good mushy or the vomit inducing-this-is-what-post-apocalyptic-space-slop-tastes-like kind of mushy? Will the milk turn a different color? A different flavor? How many different textures will I be getting at once? How layered will this experience be?! Is it on sale?

There's so much to be said for cereal. QUICK HISTORY LESSON!

The history of cereal is full of DRAMA (pronounced: dreah-ma) its like a soap opera! So way back some seventh day adventists were like, hey- we should stop eating pork and things for breakfast that make our stomachs fall out of our asses on the daily. So back around the 1860s they started the Western Health Reform Institute which then they started calling either a Sanitarium or a Spa. Sanitarium sounds more dystopian future to me so lets stick with that. So these sanitariums had all these people trying to get their health on. They kept trying to find healthier substitutes. At one point one guy trying to get his patients regulated made some bran nuggets called granula...(sound like anything?) Then one of his patients started her own shindig and someone at her shindig started making his own granula, a guy with the last name Kellogg. What Kellogg made was more edible but he still called it Granula so then home boy who made it first said OH SHOOT. And then legally Mr. Kellogg had to change the name...so he changed it to Granola. Then Kellogg and his brother started messing around with more delicious ways to incorporate fiber and wheat and grains when they messed up. They accidentally let the wheat stand for too long! Dumbies! So because $$ doesnt grow on trees they flattened and dried it how they do ne wayz but instead it flaked worse than me when you try to make plans with me and CORN FLAKES were born! THEN one day, at the same sanitarium, someone with the last name of Post decided he could do it better and invented what we now know as GRAPENUTS and he made his own brand of cornflakes AND he launched the first nation wide advertising campaign...SAY WHAT?! And so began our inundation with advertising for cereals. And so begins it in this blog.

It wasn't until 1953 that sugary cereal started popping up. Im not a sugar loving gal, but sometimes that's what hits the spot. I'm going to run through some of my favorite cereals, cereals that scare me and cereals I have memories with. I invite you to do the same .

One of my favorite cereals of all time. "Tony Tigers" as my grandmother referred to them aka Frosted Flakes. I could eat these until the cows come home - or until I get as big as one. They remind me of my childhood and they were the only sugary cereal I really ate. They aren't too sugary and they gently sweeten your milk. Perfect.




Next up: Cocoa Pebbles. These were a dessert cereal and I now wonder if we only had these in the house when my parents were either 1: emotionally eating. 2: PMSing. 3: both. Cocoa Pebbles are superior to their competitor, Cocoa Crispies in taste, consistency, and how long they last before they get soggy and inedible. I can say this scientifically and unbiased because I won the 3rd grade science fair with that one. Suckers.



Me and every person over 75's other favorite cereal of all time...Cracklin' Oat Bran! So maybe I used to be a little bound up. I wasn't able to drink my stress away back then and I'm thankful because I wouldn't have discovered these. Because I pay for food myself now I can't afford them. This is rich white people cereal but I indulge at Oh Yea, the ice cream place ps GO RIGHT NOW. Don't walk. Run. Anyways, I get these little squares of love swirled into my ice cream. There is nothing more perfect. They are good in all ways - dry, slightly softened, or baby food after an hour.



Remember these? Weren't there grandmas in the commercials, or is that something else? (see how I ask you, as though we're having a conversation, and I can't log onto youtube and look up every cereal commercial ever made)




Honey Bunches of Oats. The woman in this commercial is in my head every day. I didn't realize this wasn't the case for everyone until my visiting besties looked at me with this face, o_0 when I exclaimed "WE MAKE A LOTTA CEREAL HERE." It is frequently on sale which makes it taste better than it does.




KIDS SHOULDNT BE EATING THESE. Im JK. But I forgot they existed until our young whipper snapper new employee told me about them.




But I could never forget about these. These might be the dessert at my wedding.






Not wrong because you and the Cap'n make it happen....and they remind me of my dad. Only downside: Their delightful crunch tears at the inside of your mouth worse than Cheetos. Warning: Do not eat when stoned. You will eat so much you won't feel the pain anymore.




So heres the thing about Trix...Aside from them being just for kids, I only started eating Trix when I was in college and depressed due to:
- Realizing I was a homo.
- Having my first homo heartbreak.
- Needing to consume something that wasn't Redbull or Easy Mac.
- It was the only thing left in the on-campus convenience store, and no one wanted them.



This was my first sneaky cereal. I ate it at sleepovers at peoples houses who were allowed to have crazy cereals. Eventually I ate so much of this it made me sick. I used to share it with my cat because she loved cinnamon.

Other reasons this is amazing. It's the taste you can see. Cinnamon swirled into every bite! That little old white man. Eventually, when I had overdone it in cereal form, they came out with the cereal bar with the strange evaporated milk in the middle. Crack.




The "healthy" phase:

Gay. We're just...friends from the gym!

Date rape.

I do yoga!







So I always had a box of Total or Raisin Bran or the better textured and more varied Raisin Bran Crunch going because I have the pallet of an 80 year old woman but then I started getting really into three types of cereal I found acceptable as a health conscious 20-something.

I've never been on the hot cereal train. I mean I rode the train I just never called it hot cereal. It was oatmeal or cream of wheat. Since I don't consider these cereals, due to their steamy nature, I will talk about them another time.

There have obviously been other cereals in my life but here are the ones with the most memories. There was a short lived Wheaties faze, a frosted Cheerios faze when they first came out, a Cookie Crisps faze to be like my uncle,  a yogurt and granola faze, and  most recently a Chex faze. I regret to inform all of you that I can only eat Gluten free cereal now so all of these are only memories. A dream of better days. But it was worth every second. So go home and tell your cereal how you really feel because you never know when it'll be taken from you.

What gluten has done. PS we have this tshirt and its funny.


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1 Mar

March into March. The Best Month of the Year. But Really.

It's been windy as a MOTHER this week which makes me think that the beginning of the
is going to be in like a lion, which according to everyone means out like a lamb!

This is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I'm not even on mescaline right now.

In case your time space continuum is off and you are oblivious to where you are, the best month of the year is MARCH! March is fantastic for many reasons. One reason is that the March Equinox occurs which means this is the beginning of the rebirth of the year! Even if you aren't a crazy hippy you know you like spring. Even you people who hate the warmth and the sun still enjoy March. It is the IDEAL month.

Another reason March is better than EVERY other month: I was born a quarter of a century ago. You're welcome.

Every other cool person in the world was born in March. Except for Anita Bryant. She was an accident and shouldn't be counted as human. We are even getting a new half-Canadian member of the KU family in March which is super exciting.

Women's History Month or should I say HERstory is in March. Some basketball stuff happens or something. It's just an all around good month!

It's Berries And Cherries Month! Now that spring is...springing? That means all of our favorite fruits are coming back to us. Maybe you canned something that you want to bust out? Maybe you want to make an adorable hand held pie? Put some in your maple syrup and get it hot? A cake full of berries and cherries? Whatever you choose to do with them I will want some.

It's International Ideas Month! I will add more to this once it's actually March and I have more ideas about it....

National Caffeine Awareness Month!
Okay- so most Amurricans partake in the java whether it be iced, hot, latte or enema form. We are also known for our over indulgence in the soda department as well as the energy drink department. We even like to mix our uppers and our downers for shiz and giggles! It's kind of who we are.

But this month is when we should become awaren of it! It doesn't matter how old you are caffeine dependence is a problem. I saw this recently and I can't stop watching it. Im not sure if it will make you want to go out and make your own "Go Go Juice" or if it will make you quit caffeine cold turkey OR if you will just pee yourself while you're not sure if you're laughing or crying but please watch it!

So my little honey boo boo childs (yes childs, not children) It is also:

Since we are your favorite neighborhood kard shop employees AND we love our jobs we will be flashing all of you our spirit all month long and GEE GOLLY is our spirit big! Stay tuned for employee spirit month activities!

National Procrastination Week is the 4-10...it was originally scheduled for some week in February but....we're only just getting around to it now.

Speaking of cats, March 3 is the holiday we muse about all year long:
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day!

When evolution finally makes this happen and cats finally take over the earth, as they have to other planets in other galaxies, I'm hoping that they spare me and my family since we have been bending to their will since 1987. But everyone else who doesn't know this will be happening can just think about all the what-ifs!

March 7 is Cereal Day.

Those who read this blog know that I like food. I might even love it. I might even talk about it in pornographic detail at times. Despite my love of fancy food pairings, cook books and well planned meals I think that cereal is one of the best things the human race has to offer and I will explain this is GRAPHIC detail at a later date.

We of course will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day full throttle.

Whether you're Irish, or you just like to adopt their age old drinking habit for the day, we want to help you! But not in an AA help kind of way. More in a "it's okay just have one more drink, it's good for you" kind of way. ENABLING!  It's what's for dinner!

Tune in a little bit later to find out how we will be meeting your St. Patty's Day needs!

Mr. Fred Rogers would be turning 84 this year! Everyone loves Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood but so few actually get to be his neighbor for realz! We in "da 'burgh" get that pleasure and we will be celebrating his birthday as well as Sweater Day! I have enough Mr. Rogers-like sweaters to go around and we have lots of Mr. Rogers swag to help yinz get into the spirit.

Some Birthdays we have cool links for!!!
(not just mine)

Ron Howard: 1st
Ke$ha: 1st
Justin Bieber: 1st
Dr. Seuss: 2nd
John Irving: 2nd
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: 6th
Chuck Norris: 10th
John Hamm: 10th
Douglas Adams: 11th
Edward Albee: 12th
William H Macy: 13th
Albert Einstein: 14th
Fabio: 15th
Kevin Smith: 16th
Mr. Rogers: 20th
Lois Lowry: 20th
Alyson Hannigan: 24th
Leonard Nimoy: 26th
 Lady Gaga: 28th
Christopher Walken: 31st

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29 Feb

Leapin’ Leap Year! It’s the 29th of February!

We only get to see such a wonderful number in February every four years or so. Actually, we get to see it in years that are divisible by four evenly but not the ones that are also divisible by 100 unless it is divisible by 400 as well.

Leap years have always amused and fascinated me in a way that would probably make people question my sanity, something not out of the ordinary. I remember the day I found out about leap years. I was young and my mom was telling me about a girl I knew who had a birthday on February 29th and she was making a joke about this girl only turning two years old technically. Though I understood she was kidding my mind went somewhere else. I thought about all the possibilities of being born on a day that doesn't exist. Being forgotten about by time. Like leap year babies had the ability to time travel. They were able to exist in other dimensions and only had to really exist in ours every four years. They were magical fairy like creatures and I loved them. I would think about them from time to time and laugh to myself. Out loud. They were fooling everyone! Oh sweet leaplings.

Now Leap Year is even cooler because of why it exists. The history behind it: Egyptians (nomnomnom) then Romans, Caesar, priests doing it different than decreed, being in all the different calendar systems throughout the ages in some way. The way it synchronizes our calendar system with the seasons and the solar year because it takes the earth  365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds to travel around the sun, not 365 and how overtime that could eff with our ability to stay on track with the equinoxes. I LOVE ASTRONOMY. Don't get me started on the algorithms.

I think I just decided I want to get married on a Leap Year...

Yes I did. It's decided. And how perfect! There are lots of folky tales about a leap year being when a woman can propose to a man. If you say no though, you are required by law to buy her 12 pairs of gloves. To see this better explained just watch Leap Year starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode because they are both very attractive. It wont explain the gloves thing though.

So enjoy this precious day, friends. It only happens 97 times every 400 years!

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21 Feb

OTBN – Your Favorite Special Occasion You Never Knew About!

Tomorrow is Open That Bottle Night!

Everyone who drinks loves to smile!

Why have I not heard of this holiday in it's twelfth year, you might be asking yourself. Don't I celebrate this holiday every weeekend? Some week day evenings? Who started it and why is it here? Why do you have so many questions?

OTBN dinner parties are a smash!

Way back some people started this holiday probably because they owned a vineyard or a company that sold wine or something and then maybe it was a slow year so they gave us this holiday the same way the Pilgrims gave us Thanksgiving. A holiday to indulge. For those of us who need a "special occasion" to let loose. Here is your special occasion! It's OTBN!

They have a website where you can read about people reconnecting with old friends, trying fancy wines, having fancy parties, wearing blazers, busting out ye olde table clothe. You can do WHATEVER you want. As long as you're opening a bottle. You can even decide what it's a bottle of. It's like a choose your own adventure dinner party.

Since we love opening bottles here in the good old KU.S.A we like to be prepared for these occasions and if we're prepared it means you are too! Isn't that ideal?

Come look at our bar sections!

Want to have some special cocktails for OTBN? Want to know the best wines of this year? Want to brew your own beer? Know what to pair with what? Stop that fretting and bed wetting because we actually have anything you could ever need for this night.

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Going to have your own OTBN party now?
Post pics on our facebook page!

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10 Feb

Extra Special Awesome VD Weekend Blog!

4 days and counting.....

 4 days until you need to have the BEST gift ever, or you will be alone forever.

4 days to find the MOST PERFECT CARD you've ever given another human being, or you will be alone forever.

Well not forever but you might have a not so fun day and your significant person might think you suck a little.

AKA the booty might not be gotten.

So let me hit you with something. I'm poor. You might be too. Which means the V Day presents will not be extravagant but they will be full of love. But lets say that you can't even do that.

EVERYTHING. And I mean almost everything. Can be remedied with the perfect card. You can be adorable Michael Cera goofy. Hot goofy like Paul Rudd. Sexy like...someone sexy. Romantic. Serious. Romantic and funny. And you NEED to write your own message because even the most perfect card will only get you so far without a little bit of your own thought involved.


Or make her/him feel rull sexy, like:

LUCKY FOR YOU we have so so so many cards but better get 'em while they're hot because this weekend everyone will have the same idea as you!

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So kids there are only a sampling of the SMORGASBORD that is in the this magical place called Kards Unlimited. So please come and check out the bazillion cards before there are only a half bazillion left!

This is what the KU Valentine's Day sections look like.

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