7 Mar

Get Ready to Spoon – It’s Cereal Day!

That's me.

Satisfaction. Contentedness. So rarely are we able to feel such sentiments. There has always been one time and one time only that I could depend on something to supply me with this without fail. It doesn't matter when I get some. It doesn't matter what kind of mood I'm in going into it. I come out feeling right as rain. Not too full, not too much like a fat kid. Everything in my universe feels temporarily balanced after a big bowl of cereal.

Cereal is my comfort food. Sure, there are a lot of other foods that are better at comforting in the moment, but I'm usually full of regret after and wish I could take it back. Or at least take back half the box of mac'n cheese AND the grilled cheese sandwich that forces images of Cronus eating rock "babies" into my head about a half hour after the glorious gluttonous gorging is finished. Don't get it twisted ma - it doesn't stop me from doing it again. But it does make me wish I went with my not so shameful, dependable cereal.

Fact: When I go to buy groceries I walk up and down the cereal aisle looking at all the different types. I imagine what it would be like to get to know each of them. Intimately. Would I prefer eating this for breakfast? An after work snack? Dessert? Dinner, even? Would my vanilla almond milk enhance its flavors? How quickly does it get mushy? Will it be a good mushy or the vomit inducing-this-is-what-post-apocalyptic-space-slop-tastes-like kind of mushy? Will the milk turn a different color? A different flavor? How many different textures will I be getting at once? How layered will this experience be?! Is it on sale?

There's so much to be said for cereal. QUICK HISTORY LESSON!

The history of cereal is full of DRAMA (pronounced: dreah-ma) its like a soap opera! So way back some seventh day adventists were like, hey- we should stop eating pork and things for breakfast that make our stomachs fall out of our asses on the daily. So back around the 1860s they started the Western Health Reform Institute which then they started calling either a Sanitarium or a Spa. Sanitarium sounds more dystopian future to me so lets stick with that. So these sanitariums had all these people trying to get their health on. They kept trying to find healthier substitutes. At one point one guy trying to get his patients regulated made some bran nuggets called granula...(sound like anything?) Then one of his patients started her own shindig and someone at her shindig started making his own granula, a guy with the last name Kellogg. What Kellogg made was more edible but he still called it Granula so then home boy who made it first said OH SHOOT. And then legally Mr. Kellogg had to change the name...so he changed it to Granola. Then Kellogg and his brother started messing around with more delicious ways to incorporate fiber and wheat and grains when they messed up. They accidentally let the wheat stand for too long! Dumbies! So because $$ doesnt grow on trees they flattened and dried it how they do ne wayz but instead it flaked worse than me when you try to make plans with me and CORN FLAKES were born! THEN one day, at the same sanitarium, someone with the last name of Post decided he could do it better and invented what we now know as GRAPENUTS and he made his own brand of cornflakes AND he launched the first nation wide advertising campaign...SAY WHAT?! And so began our inundation with advertising for cereals. And so begins it in this blog.

It wasn't until 1953 that sugary cereal started popping up. Im not a sugar loving gal, but sometimes that's what hits the spot. I'm going to run through some of my favorite cereals, cereals that scare me and cereals I have memories with. I invite you to do the same .

One of my favorite cereals of all time. "Tony Tigers" as my grandmother referred to them aka Frosted Flakes. I could eat these until the cows come home - or until I get as big as one. They remind me of my childhood and they were the only sugary cereal I really ate. They aren't too sugary and they gently sweeten your milk. Perfect.




Next up: Cocoa Pebbles. These were a dessert cereal and I now wonder if we only had these in the house when my parents were either 1: emotionally eating. 2: PMSing. 3: both. Cocoa Pebbles are superior to their competitor, Cocoa Crispies in taste, consistency, and how long they last before they get soggy and inedible. I can say this scientifically and unbiased because I won the 3rd grade science fair with that one. Suckers.



Me and every person over 75's other favorite cereal of all time...Cracklin' Oat Bran! So maybe I used to be a little bound up. I wasn't able to drink my stress away back then and I'm thankful because I wouldn't have discovered these. Because I pay for food myself now I can't afford them. This is rich white people cereal but I indulge at Oh Yea, the ice cream place ps GO RIGHT NOW. Don't walk. Run. Anyways, I get these little squares of love swirled into my ice cream. There is nothing more perfect. They are good in all ways - dry, slightly softened, or baby food after an hour.



Remember these? Weren't there grandmas in the commercials, or is that something else? (see how I ask you, as though we're having a conversation, and I can't log onto youtube and look up every cereal commercial ever made)




Honey Bunches of Oats. The woman in this commercial is in my head every day. I didn't realize this wasn't the case for everyone until my visiting besties looked at me with this face, o_0 when I exclaimed "WE MAKE A LOTTA CEREAL HERE." It is frequently on sale which makes it taste better than it does.




KIDS SHOULDNT BE EATING THESE. Im JK. But I forgot they existed until our young whipper snapper new employee told me about them.




But I could never forget about these. These might be the dessert at my wedding.






Not wrong because you and the Cap'n make it happen....and they remind me of my dad. Only downside: Their delightful crunch tears at the inside of your mouth worse than Cheetos. Warning: Do not eat when stoned. You will eat so much you won't feel the pain anymore.




So heres the thing about Trix...Aside from them being just for kids, I only started eating Trix when I was in college and depressed due to:
- Realizing I was a homo.
- Having my first homo heartbreak.
- Needing to consume something that wasn't Redbull or Easy Mac.
- It was the only thing left in the on-campus convenience store, and no one wanted them.



This was my first sneaky cereal. I ate it at sleepovers at peoples houses who were allowed to have crazy cereals. Eventually I ate so much of this it made me sick. I used to share it with my cat because she loved cinnamon.

Other reasons this is amazing. It's the taste you can see. Cinnamon swirled into every bite! That little old white man. Eventually, when I had overdone it in cereal form, they came out with the cereal bar with the strange evaporated milk in the middle. Crack.




The "healthy" phase:

Gay. We're just...friends from the gym!

Date rape.

I do yoga!







So I always had a box of Total or Raisin Bran or the better textured and more varied Raisin Bran Crunch going because I have the pallet of an 80 year old woman but then I started getting really into three types of cereal I found acceptable as a health conscious 20-something.

I've never been on the hot cereal train. I mean I rode the train I just never called it hot cereal. It was oatmeal or cream of wheat. Since I don't consider these cereals, due to their steamy nature, I will talk about them another time.

There have obviously been other cereals in my life but here are the ones with the most memories. There was a short lived Wheaties faze, a frosted Cheerios faze when they first came out, a Cookie Crisps faze to be like my uncle,  a yogurt and granola faze, and  most recently a Chex faze. I regret to inform all of you that I can only eat Gluten free cereal now so all of these are only memories. A dream of better days. But it was worth every second. So go home and tell your cereal how you really feel because you never know when it'll be taken from you.

What gluten has done. PS we have this tshirt and its funny.


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1 Mar

March into March. The Best Month of the Year. But Really.

It's been windy as a MOTHER this week which makes me think that the beginning of the
is going to be in like a lion, which according to everyone means out like a lamb!

This is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I'm not even on mescaline right now.

In case your time space continuum is off and you are oblivious to where you are, the best month of the year is MARCH! March is fantastic for many reasons. One reason is that the March Equinox occurs which means this is the beginning of the rebirth of the year! Even if you aren't a crazy hippy you know you like spring. Even you people who hate the warmth and the sun still enjoy March. It is the IDEAL month.

Another reason March is better than EVERY other month: I was born a quarter of a century ago. You're welcome.

Every other cool person in the world was born in March. Except for Anita Bryant. She was an accident and shouldn't be counted as human. We are even getting a new half-Canadian member of the KU family in March which is super exciting.

Women's History Month or should I say HERstory is in March. Some basketball stuff happens or something. It's just an all around good month!

It's Berries And Cherries Month! Now that spring is...springing? That means all of our favorite fruits are coming back to us. Maybe you canned something that you want to bust out? Maybe you want to make an adorable hand held pie? Put some in your maple syrup and get it hot? A cake full of berries and cherries? Whatever you choose to do with them I will want some.

It's International Ideas Month! I will add more to this once it's actually March and I have more ideas about it....

National Caffeine Awareness Month!
Okay- so most Amurricans partake in the java whether it be iced, hot, latte or enema form. We are also known for our over indulgence in the soda department as well as the energy drink department. We even like to mix our uppers and our downers for shiz and giggles! It's kind of who we are.

But this month is when we should become awaren of it! It doesn't matter how old you are caffeine dependence is a problem. I saw this recently and I can't stop watching it. Im not sure if it will make you want to go out and make your own "Go Go Juice" or if it will make you quit caffeine cold turkey OR if you will just pee yourself while you're not sure if you're laughing or crying but please watch it!

So my little honey boo boo childs (yes childs, not children) It is also:

Since we are your favorite neighborhood kard shop employees AND we love our jobs we will be flashing all of you our spirit all month long and GEE GOLLY is our spirit big! Stay tuned for employee spirit month activities!

National Procrastination Week is the 4-10...it was originally scheduled for some week in February but....we're only just getting around to it now.

Speaking of cats, March 3 is the holiday we muse about all year long:
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day!

When evolution finally makes this happen and cats finally take over the earth, as they have to other planets in other galaxies, I'm hoping that they spare me and my family since we have been bending to their will since 1987. But everyone else who doesn't know this will be happening can just think about all the what-ifs!

March 7 is Cereal Day.

Those who read this blog know that I like food. I might even love it. I might even talk about it in pornographic detail at times. Despite my love of fancy food pairings, cook books and well planned meals I think that cereal is one of the best things the human race has to offer and I will explain this is GRAPHIC detail at a later date.

We of course will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day full throttle.

Whether you're Irish, or you just like to adopt their age old drinking habit for the day, we want to help you! But not in an AA help kind of way. More in a "it's okay just have one more drink, it's good for you" kind of way. ENABLING!  It's what's for dinner!

Tune in a little bit later to find out how we will be meeting your St. Patty's Day needs!

Mr. Fred Rogers would be turning 84 this year! Everyone loves Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood but so few actually get to be his neighbor for realz! We in "da 'burgh" get that pleasure and we will be celebrating his birthday as well as Sweater Day! I have enough Mr. Rogers-like sweaters to go around and we have lots of Mr. Rogers swag to help yinz get into the spirit.

Some Birthdays we have cool links for!!!
(not just mine)

Ron Howard: 1st
Ke$ha: 1st
Justin Bieber: 1st
Dr. Seuss: 2nd
John Irving: 2nd
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: 6th
Chuck Norris: 10th
John Hamm: 10th
Douglas Adams: 11th
Edward Albee: 12th
William H Macy: 13th
Albert Einstein: 14th
Fabio: 15th
Kevin Smith: 16th
Mr. Rogers: 20th
Lois Lowry: 20th
Alyson Hannigan: 24th
Leonard Nimoy: 26th
 Lady Gaga: 28th
Christopher Walken: 31st

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29 Feb

Leapin’ Leap Year! It’s the 29th of February!

We only get to see such a wonderful number in February every four years or so. Actually, we get to see it in years that are divisible by four evenly but not the ones that are also divisible by 100 unless it is divisible by 400 as well.

Leap years have always amused and fascinated me in a way that would probably make people question my sanity, something not out of the ordinary. I remember the day I found out about leap years. I was young and my mom was telling me about a girl I knew who had a birthday on February 29th and she was making a joke about this girl only turning two years old technically. Though I understood she was kidding my mind went somewhere else. I thought about all the possibilities of being born on a day that doesn't exist. Being forgotten about by time. Like leap year babies had the ability to time travel. They were able to exist in other dimensions and only had to really exist in ours every four years. They were magical fairy like creatures and I loved them. I would think about them from time to time and laugh to myself. Out loud. They were fooling everyone! Oh sweet leaplings.

Now Leap Year is even cooler because of why it exists. The history behind it: Egyptians (nomnomnom) then Romans, Caesar, priests doing it different than decreed, being in all the different calendar systems throughout the ages in some way. The way it synchronizes our calendar system with the seasons and the solar year because it takes the earth  365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds to travel around the sun, not 365 and how overtime that could eff with our ability to stay on track with the equinoxes. I LOVE ASTRONOMY. Don't get me started on the algorithms.

I think I just decided I want to get married on a Leap Year...

Yes I did. It's decided. And how perfect! There are lots of folky tales about a leap year being when a woman can propose to a man. If you say no though, you are required by law to buy her 12 pairs of gloves. To see this better explained just watch Leap Year starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode because they are both very attractive. It wont explain the gloves thing though.

So enjoy this precious day, friends. It only happens 97 times every 400 years!

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21 Feb

OTBN – Your Favorite Special Occasion You Never Knew About!

Tomorrow is Open That Bottle Night!

Everyone who drinks loves to smile!

Why have I not heard of this holiday in it's twelfth year, you might be asking yourself. Don't I celebrate this holiday every weeekend? Some week day evenings? Who started it and why is it here? Why do you have so many questions?

OTBN dinner parties are a smash!

Way back some people started this holiday probably because they owned a vineyard or a company that sold wine or something and then maybe it was a slow year so they gave us this holiday the same way the Pilgrims gave us Thanksgiving. A holiday to indulge. For those of us who need a "special occasion" to let loose. Here is your special occasion! It's OTBN!

They have a website where you can read about people reconnecting with old friends, trying fancy wines, having fancy parties, wearing blazers, busting out ye olde table clothe. You can do WHATEVER you want. As long as you're opening a bottle. You can even decide what it's a bottle of. It's like a choose your own adventure dinner party.

Since we love opening bottles here in the good old KU.S.A we like to be prepared for these occasions and if we're prepared it means you are too! Isn't that ideal?

Come look at our bar sections!

Want to have some special cocktails for OTBN? Want to know the best wines of this year? Want to brew your own beer? Know what to pair with what? Stop that fretting and bed wetting because we actually have anything you could ever need for this night.

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Going to have your own OTBN party now?
Post pics on our facebook page!

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10 Feb

Extra Special Awesome VD Weekend Blog!

4 days and counting.....

 4 days until you need to have the BEST gift ever, or you will be alone forever.

4 days to find the MOST PERFECT CARD you've ever given another human being, or you will be alone forever.

Well not forever but you might have a not so fun day and your significant person might think you suck a little.

AKA the booty might not be gotten.

So let me hit you with something. I'm poor. You might be too. Which means the V Day presents will not be extravagant but they will be full of love. But lets say that you can't even do that.

EVERYTHING. And I mean almost everything. Can be remedied with the perfect card. You can be adorable Michael Cera goofy. Hot goofy like Paul Rudd. Sexy like...someone sexy. Romantic. Serious. Romantic and funny. And you NEED to write your own message because even the most perfect card will only get you so far without a little bit of your own thought involved.


Or make her/him feel rull sexy, like:

LUCKY FOR YOU we have so so so many cards but better get 'em while they're hot because this weekend everyone will have the same idea as you!

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So kids there are only a sampling of the SMORGASBORD that is in the this magical place called Kards Unlimited. So please come and check out the bazillion cards before there are only a half bazillion left!

This is what the KU Valentine's Day sections look like.

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7 Feb

Children’s Authors and Illustrators We Salute You!

Oh. Hello. I didn't see you there.

Welcome to Children's Authors and Illustrators Week!!

If you've ever stepped foot into the wonderland known as Kards Unlimited and walked through our children's  book section you might have realized that we have some of the best in town. Which means someone knows and loves children's lit. If you've ever had a question about children's books and were lucky enough to hear one of our walkie talkie convos you would have realized

  1. We are all insane
  2. We LOVE children's lit
  3. We're actually insane

What I'm going to do is hand this post over to some people who are much better at expressing real thoughts and who say things of worth.

Last years brilliant post - Childrens authors and illustrators week crazy 1800s style! Read it plz!

And here ====>  yes here!  <====

My very good friend the Librarian in the Cupboard has been giving her opinions on these matters for quite some time. She is hilarious and and incredibly knowledgeable and the name of her blog is better than yours.
Peruse it, search old posts, check out new posts. It's a good idea.

And look here at only a sampling of the children's books we have at KU!

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Merry Merry Children's Authors and Illustrators Week to You! 

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6 Feb

KU Valentine’s Day GIFT LIST – Helping You Get Some Since 1968!

"The cutest thing ever...From Roy...A giant teddy bear. Bigger than you. [opens tiny box to reveal miniature teddy bear] Sounds. great...No, no; it really does sound great. Listen, Beth, I gotta go; the Christmas tree's on fire." Guess what this is from without looking it up and I'll go on a date with you and put my mouth on your mouth.

Keep Calm.
It's the always annual Kards Unlimited
Valentine's Day
Gift List

Read this blog! Get ideas. Buy things. Give them. Get some. Good.

Also, if you plan on being single or flying solo you should STILL plan on having a good Valentine's Day. Take your happiness into your own hands. If you catch our drift. Get it?

Sexiness is next to cleanliness as the age old saying goes and rub-a-dub-dub there's a lot more than cleaning that you can do in the tub.

Get to your Valentine's heart by telling them they should take a sexy bubble bath. But be careful not to invite yourself too presumptiously.  Also be careful not to act like you want them to do it by themselves. Be boldly subtle...figure it out.

Whether you're getting it as a gift to be used together or just to help your sweet heart relieve some stress these make the perfect VDay gift. I have a headache will never be a viable excuse again.

Looking for a way to stay hot on Valentine's Day? Why not turn your tub into a cherry scented sexy time grotto! Put in one of these Bath Fizzy's and prepare yourself for a very seductive soak.

That's right, your favorite witty soaps are back with a vengeance just in time for Valentine's Day! Perfect for those flying solo, friends, recently single, people needing a laugh and older women hunting young men.

Steamy Book Nook, aka Non-Conventional Love Stories.

Looking to curl up on Valentine's Day with a love story that doesn't involve Fabio or your typical boy-girl let's fall in love in Victorian England, New York City or Paris plot? Then grab some of these non-conventional love stories that simultaneously enthrall and make you wish you had to choose between your dreamy hunting buddy and your ever sweet partner in a fight to the death. So romantic!

And remember what they say: Dystopian futures are the new vampires!

Example: The Hunger Games. I'm obsessed.

So maybe dystopian angsty love filled futures aren't your thing. Maybe you like your lit a little more lecherous, or not lit-like at all.

These are for you!

You know what they say, the couple the reads pornographic pop up books together, stays together! So why not spice up your Valentine's Day reading list? It could do you some good. Also good present for single folk. You know what I mean.

Two collections of sexy time-wasters for those moments spent recovering between sessions. Because whats better than using your brain and your junk or lady bits at the same time?

Oh how frequently these two go together. Two peas in a drunken naked mistake pod.

An aphrodisiac cookbook. Why wait until after dinner this Valentine's Day to get hot and heavy? The economy is still no good. Eat out without spending a dime.

It's massage oil time.

We've all wanted to recreate the hot candle scene from Ricky Martin's Livin La Vida Locavideo. Now you can and it can smell rull good and be good for your skin and your sex life!

Kama Sutra gives you every type of massage oil, lotion, etc that you could ever need in every scent and flavor that you didn't even know you wanted. But really come in and check out these massage oil candles. Come light them up and get turned on.

ROM COM Gifts!
Because comedy and love should always go together. Like wam-a-lama something something.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if a glory hole and a story book about your penis had a love child? Well wonder no more, because Penis Pokey has arrived and your penis is the star! Provide some phallic comedy this V-Day! But remember to keep it clean after with our I <3 My Penis hand sani -or wait- was that slutty?

What do you give the person who has everything for Valentine's Day? An adorable vintage looking printed tin full of condoms?  A place to store their drugs?  Art supplies? YES.

Cards cards cards! aka Valentines Valentines Valentines!

So we sell cards at Kards. The perfect Valentine's Day card is a MUST if you want to succeed.
So we're devoting another whole blog post to JUST CARDS!

TUNE IN FOR A SPECIAL WEEKEND BLOG! That's right. Weekend blog. Blowing your mind.

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31 Jan

February: The Shortest Month With the Biggest Personality

pronounced:  feb-yoo-er-ee.

This month is a wily one let me tell you. Boy scouts and condoms, marijuana and the tooth fairy, "ru"'s in the middle of words and the 29th of February; That black sheep, diamond in the rough, prize at the bottom of your box of cereal.

Be aware. Marijuana. It's everywhere. And pretty much everyone smokes it. Right?

It's Marijuana Awareness Month! I think we have something to say about this. But I guess we'll see if we feel like it when we get there.

Boy Scout Anniversary Week is the 5th through the 11th!

Almost every attempt I've made at saying something about this has resulted in something horribly dirty. There's something wrong with me. Well we have this really neato book about Boy Scouts that is in no way dirty! Happy Birthday Boy Scouts! How old? 102....That's over 18. DAMMIT I COULDNT STOP MYSELF.

Something I can't sully and that we celebrate almost every day at KU is Childrens Authors and Illustrators Week! If you've ever read our blog or come in our store you would have figured out we all know and love our children's lit. This is not the last you'll be hearing of this.

So February 1st kicks off just right with Working Naked Day.

There are so many benefits to working naked. What are some you ask?

  • Think about how many extra minutes of sleep you would get in a week since you wouldn't have to pick out an outfit.
  • Save money on doing laundry or even needing to buy work aprops clothes.
  • You'll feel so relaxed your productivity will sky rocket!
  • Spontaneous bongo playing will occur. I don't know why this benefits anyone, but Matthew McConaughey suggested it.


  • Cold.
  • You're naked.

So I guess we'll have to weigh the pros and cons of this one.

February 2nd is Groundhog day! 

Even if you aren't making it out to Punxsutawney to go hang with your good pal Phil there are still ways to celebrate! Why not get someone a Groundhogz Day card....no one sells them you say? What say you! You are wrong good friend because your favorite neighborhood KU does! Get 'em while they're hawt!

Speaking of getting it while its hot, once again the day before Vday, sometimes affectionately referred to as VD, kicks off National Flirting Week! We're kind of pros at flirting here at KU so this year you're going to get a different mentor to get you through the Hunger Games we call dating...minus all the death....and children...and no one refers to dating as the Hunger Games. But they could!  PS HAPPY ONE YEAR BLOGAVERSARY TO ME! Do we have a card for that? Probz.

Then the next day is good ol' VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Kards Unlimited will be unveiling their ANNUAL VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT LIST!!! Not sure what to get for that special someone? Need the PERFECT card? Need to get someone to find you even slightly desirable? WE CAN DO ALL THAT! So keep posted...or be alone forever...JK!LOLZ!

February 18th is Pluto Day, for all of us planetary fans.

The Pluto formerly known as a planet is pretty great despite its demotion.

February also means one of my favorite times of the year:

  • Babies in cakes
  • Booze
  • Boobz
  • Costumes
  • More cake
  • Parades
  • Beads

It’s Mardi Gras!

Since I sadly won’t be attending this year I will be celebrating…

National Margarita Day on the 22nd!!!!

I won’t be able to get my margaritas to go like I was this time last year but I will most certainly do my part to keep this holiday going. Not sure how to make a good margarita? Come on down to our bar book section and get some help. You won’t regret it, you might not even remember it!

Additionally helping those of us now in New Orleans…

Open that Bottle Night on the 25th!

(Same advice for Margarita Day applies.)

And last BUT MOST CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, its an effing LEAP YEAR this year, which means FEBRUARY 29th EXISTS!! What the what?!

The last time we got to indulge in a 29th of February was in 2008. Am I making that up? I don’t think so! REFRESH your memories of 2008.

Look at this movie poster of leap year starring one of my best friends, Amy Adams, and my husband to be, Matthew Goode.

So kiddos, February is jam-packed and I didn’t even tell you what we’re actually going to be blogging about!

The mystery is so magical!


Ayn Rand: 2th
James Joyce: 2th
George Romero: 4th
Laura Ingalls Wilder: 7th
Charles Dickens: 7th
Seth Green: 8th
John Williams: 8th
Jules Verne: 8th
Thomas Edison: 11th
Judy Blume: 12th
Charles Darwin: 12th
Abraham Lincoln: 12th
Joseph Gordon Levitt: 17th
Alan Rickman: 21th
Anais Nin: 21th
Chopin: 22th
Edna St. Vincent Millay: 22th
Edward Gorey: - 22th
Handel: 23th
Victor Hugo: 26th
Longfellow: 27th

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