21 Mar

And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul!

March 21st is Inter­na­tion­al Day of Forests, which has hon­est­ly got to be one of the best and most impor­tant days ever imple­ment­ed by the U.N. Here’s a link to the Wiki arti­cle, if you’re inter­est­ed in the bor­ing tech­ni­cal stuff that they do.

I want to go to here.

Forests are amaz­ing.  I have loved them since I was a kid, explor­ing what I per­ceived as the rugged wilder­ness of my grand­par­ents’ sub­ur­ban back­yards.  And while I grew to under­stand that the small stretch of woods between prop­er­ties in Hamp­ton Town­ship did not con­sti­tute a forest, I have yet to out­grow my awe of, con­nec­tion to, or love of, wood­ed areas.

Mmm, trop­i­cal rain­forest. Yes, please.

Did you know that 80% of Earth’s ter­res­tri­al bio­di­ver­si­ty is found in forests?  And that while trop­i­cal rain­forests cov­er only 10% of the Earth’s sur­face, more than half of all ter­res­tri­al species are thought to live there?  And don’t be fooled by the phrase “thought to” in that sen­tence.  Half is prob­a­bly a sig­nif­i­cant under­es­ti­mate, since new species are being dis­cov­ered all the time, and many of the rain­forests through­out the world remain large­ly unex­plored.

Tem­per­ate Rain­forests are total­ly rad, you guys.

Also! When peo­ple hear the word rain­forest, they usu­al­ly think of the jun­gles of the trop­ics, but did you know that there are rain­forests right here in the USA?! On the West Coast of the USA and Canada is what’s known as a tem­per­ate rain­forest, stretch­ing from Kodi­ak Island in Alaska to North­ern Cal­i­for­nia.  Tem­per­ate rain­forests are also found on the south­ern tip of South Amer­i­ca, in Aus­tralia, North­west­ern Europe, and North­east­ern Asia.

Though most peo­ple think of leop­ards as com­ing only from warm cli­mates like the African Savan­nah, the Amur Leop­ard is native to a region of Siberia that boasts exter­me­ly harsh win­ters.

Prob­a­bly the coolest forest, though, is the taiga.  Taiga refers to the bio­me found just below the tun­dra at the Earth’s north pole.  There’s not real­ly south­ern taiga because Antarc­ti­ca is sur­round­ed by oceans, but the Arc­tic region is sur­round­ed on a few sides by North Amer­i­ca and Asia, and the land below the Arc­tic Cir­cle is home to the taiga. Taiga is char­ac­ter­ized by thick forests of ever­green, most­ly conif­er­ous trees, and weath­er pat­terns that can most eas­i­ly be described as tun­dra-lite.  Win­ters are long and sev­ere, sum­mers short and mild.  Despite the harsh liv­ing con­di­tions, though, the taiga is still home to plen­ty of awe­some plants and ani­mals.  The Asian taiga is home to the Siberi­an Tiger and the Amur Leop­ard, two of the rarest big cats in the world.  The taiga also con­tains approx­i­mate­ly one third of all the trees in the entire world, and pro­duces about one quar­ter of the oxy­gen we breathe.

Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green, deep woods.” — John Muir

Basi­cal­ly what I’m say­ing, peo­ple, is that forests are total­ly amaz­ing and are prob­a­bly the best thing on this entire plan­et of Earth.  With the way things are going, it’s like­ly that the entire con­cept of forests is going to rad­i­cal­ly be chang­ing in the next 50 years or so, so take the oppor­tu­ni­ty now to expe­ri­ence forests as they are, and may­be par­tic­i­pate in some of the ways that peo­ple are try­ing to pre­serve and pro­tect them.

Here’s anoth­er one of the taiga, because it’s awe­some.

You can learn more about the Unit­ed Nations’ Day of Forests efforts here.

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18 Mar

You Are Special To Me: Happy Birthday, Mr. Rogers!

An Ode to Mr. Rogers

March 20 is Won’t You Be My Neigh­bor Day, in hon­or of the one, the only Mr. Rogers’s birth­day! Gen­er­a­tions of chil­dren grew up lis­ten­ing to the sooth­ing voice of Fred Rogers on his pub­lic broad­cast­ing tele­vi­sion pro­gram, Mis­ter Rogers’ Neigh­bor­hood, which ran from 1968 to 2001. For mil­lions of chil­dren like me, Fred Rogers was much like Mom and Dad; he had no first name. To sug­gest he was more than Mr. Rogers, the cardi­gan-wear­ing, gold­fish-feed­ing friend I vis­it­ed almost every day, would be blas­phe­mous. But as I have learned since mov­ing to Pitts­burgh, Mr. Rogers’ actu­al neigh­bor­hood, he was much more than the man I knew.

Born Fred McFeely Rogers (yes, as in Mr. McFeely, from the Speedy Deliv­ery Ser­vice!), Mr. Rogers had a bachelor’s degree in music com­po­si­tion, was an ordained Pres­by­te­ri­an min­is­ter, and attend­ed Uni­ver­si­ty of Pittsburgh’s Grad­u­ate School of Child Devel­op­ment. He also held 40 hon­orary degrees from col­leges and uni­ver­si­ties across the coun­try. Not one. Not two. FORTY. In 2002, Pres­i­dent George W. Bush pre­sent­ed Mr. Rogers with the high­est civil­ian hon­or in the coun­try, the Pres­i­den­tial Medal of Free­dom, for a career encour­ag­ing the well-being of chil­dren through lessons of kind­ness, com­pas­sion, and learn­ing. He passed away in 2003 at the age of 74, leav­ing behind his wife, Joan­ne, of more than 50 years, two sons, and mil­lions of chil­dren whose child­hoods wouldn’t have been as mag­i­cal with­out him.

If for any rea­son you might want to vis­it Mr. Rogers’ “imag­i­nary” friends, includ­ing Daniel Striped Tiger and King Fri­day the Thir­teen­th (and ‘by any rea­son’ I mean ‘why wouldn’t you?’), they are housed in Pittsburgh’s Children’s Muse­um alongside one of his icon­ic sweaters (which his moth­er knit­ted), and his sneak­ers.

Mr. Rogers, thank you for being our neigh­bor, our men­tor, our friend. Hap­py birth­day, with love.

At Home With Mr. Rogers

Pitts­burghers, nos­tal­gia should be hit­ting you right in the feels, now, and you’re prob­a­bly think­ing ‘Man, I miss Mr. Rogers.’ He may not be around town any­more in per­son, but his spir­it is still alive. It’s always a lit­tle thrilling when a cus­tomer catch­es sight of one of Kards Unlimited’s Mr. Rogers prod­ucts and begins to regale me with a tale of meet­ing, din­ing, or actu­al­ly being a neigh­bor of the Rogers fam­i­ly.

For the rest of us, we can keep Mr. Rogers alive in our own house­holds with offi­cial­ly licensed Mr. Rogers gear. My favorite? Mis­ter Rogers Sweater Chang­ing Mug. Fea­tur­ing all of his most heart­warm­ing quotes, add a warm bev­er­age of choice, and his sweater changes between an icon­ic blue cardi­gan and yel­low cardi­gan. Some days, it’s the lit­tle things that make a per­son feel good, and this touch of mag­ic is a great way to start off the day on the right foot.

Some­times the world can seem like a scary place. Mr. Rogers always had a way of mak­ing his view­ers feel a lit­tle more coura­geous. He taught  us how to be gra­cious for what we have. He knew exact­ly what to say to make life a lit­tle eas­ier. Day to day, I wish there were more peo­ple like him, ready to give me a one-lin­er to help me through a chal­lenge, but he’s still there for me. When I need a boost of con­fi­dence before a meet­ing, I can pull out my Encour­agem­ints. The unbeat­able com­bo of fresh breath and an encour­ag­ing “Why? Because I like you!” calms the nerves. When I’m fac­ing a dead­line at school, noth­ing helps me take notes bet­ter than Mis­ter Rogers’ Neigh­bor­hood sticky notes.

But the great­est gift we have from Mis­ter Fred Rogers will always be the words he left for us. When life gets a lit­tle com­pli­cat­ed, turn to any one of three vol­umes of Mis­ter Rogers wis­dom: Life’s Jour­ney Accord­ing to Mis­ter Rogers, The World Accord­ing to Mis­ter Rogers, and Many Ways to Say I Love You. The­se books prove that, though Mis­ter Rogers may be gone, he will always be our friend.


15 Mar

Straighten Up, Richard!

March 15 is Nation­al Penis Day, and let me be the first to tell you, this hol­i­day will grow on you. Both men and wom­en can take time out of their busy sched­ule to appre­ci­ate this above-aver­age day. Men around the world need not hide their man­hood; today is a day of reflec­tion, spec­u­la­tion, and bask­ing in the glo­ry that is your penis. You think with it, you show affec­tion with it, and some­times, if the time is right, you put it in a fresh apple pie.

Your penis deserves to have its veil pulled back and shown what it has accom­plished.  Your penis’s great­est accom­plish­ment is prob­a­bly not get­ting hard when your cute co-work­er dressed up as Hermione for the Hal­loween par­ty, but there have also been penis­es made famous in movies, TV, and even had molds cast of them, pre­serv­ing them forever. Bet you feel pret­ty inad­e­quate.

The cin­e­ma: a won­der­ful world of cul­ture, action, and sym­bol­ism. Where any­thing can be con­sid­ered “art” if you say it is. Some con­sid­er art beau­ti­ful cin­e­matog­ra­phy, oth­ers how well the movie is edit­ed, or the col­or palet­te. But some of the most artis­tic cin­e­mat­ic moments are when an actor hangs dong. Take the clas­sic movie Boo­gie Nights. Mark Wahlberg expos­es what is now known to be a pros­thet­ic penis, but still shocked audi­ences, nonethe­less. And who could for­get when Hodor from HBO’s Game of Thrones let it all hang out, show­ing us the baby arm he’s been hid­ing.  Though this is my per­son­al favorite penis scene in a movie [NSFW].

Now how awe­some would it be if your John­son was cast in plas­ter for every­one to ogle over? Pret­ty frig­gin’ sweet if you ask me. Most of us won’t be so lucky, though, unless you were a rock star in the 60’s and 70’s. If you hap­pen to fall into the lat­ter cat­e­go­ry, there’s a good chance Cyn­thia Plas­ter Cast­er took a mold of your naughty bits. She is a groupie turned artist, tak­ing plas­ter molds of every rock star she came across, most notably Jimi Hen­drix. I can­not think of a bet­ter way I’d want my guy remem­bered; I just hope the plas­ter isn’t too cold.

So, let’s say for your fam­i­ly vaca­tion you want to go some­where that will impress Craig in HR, because his fam­i­ly just went to Den­mark and he won’t shut up about how great it was. You look on Kayak and see flights to Ice­land are pret­ty cheap. You arrive in Reyk­javik, only to have your fam­i­ly com­plain the whole time how cold it is, that the food is weird, and how much longer is this hike? Bunch of ungrate­ful brats. You storm off in a huff and decide to make your own adven­ture in Ice­land. After some brews at one of the many bars in town you stum­ble around until you see a build­ing that catch­es your eye. As you get closer, yes, it does say that. You have found The Ice­landic Phal­lo­log­i­cal Muse­um.

This muse­um has over 200 dif­fer­ent penis­es from land and sea mam­mals that inhab­it Ice­land. I’m not sure you can get any more appre­cia­tive of the penis. The wild world of ani­mal penis­es will tru­ly make you stand back and mar­vel at what Moth­er Nature has given the world to cre­ate with. Though the col­lec­tion was miss­ing a human penis, the founder of the muse­um was deter­mined to find one. I will not go into that sto­ry, though, because there is already a doc­u­men­tary about it called The Final Mem­ber, which chron­i­cles the strange sto­ry of how a human penis end­ed up in the muse­um.

Today is a day to rise up, let it all hang out, and pull out all the stops. There is some­thing pure, uncut about Nation­al Penis Day. It’s like look­ing into your Long John Sil­vers bag and see­ing they gave you extra crab cakes. It’s just a sil­ly lit­tle hol­i­day that has grown into some­thing that all peo­ple can appre­ci­ate, for about sev­en min­utes, may­be ten if you’re lucky. So men, pull out those nut-hug­ger jeans, wear sweat­pants with no under­wear, or put your penis in the fridge for a lit­tle just to see what hap­pens. Enjoy the day, it only comes once a year.


9 Mar

I know you think you have a favorite instrument, but you’re probably wrong.

Well, it’s that time of the year again. March 10th marks Inter­na­tion­al Bag­pipes Day!  I know most of us are (obvi­ous­ly) great bag­pipe lovers already, but for any­one out there who has ever thought, “Wow, bag­pipes are total­ly amaz­ing, but I wish I knew more about them!” this post is for you.

The Pitts­burgh Fire­fight­ers Memo­ri­al Pipe Band at a com­pe­ti­tion! (My dad isn’t not in this pho­to…)

Let’s start with some basic bag­pipe facts.

Piper Bill Millin, badass extra­or­di­naire of WWII

  • Bag­pipes were invent­ed in the Near/Middle East, evi­dence sug­gests some time before the Roman era.  The exact time­line is unknown, but ref­er­ences to bag­pipes and bag­pipers are made in ancient Greek plays and Roman writ­ings. There are spo­radic men­tions of the instru­ment in ear­lier texts.
  • Although the Great High­land Bag­pipe of Scot­land is the most wide­ly known bag­pipe in the Eng­lish-speak­ing world, bag­pipes are actu­al­ly fair­ly com­mon across all Indo-Euro­pean coun­tries, with most every region sport­ing sev­er­al exam­ples.  In addi­tion to the Great High­land Bag­pipe, pipes from the British Isles include the Scot­tish Small­pipes, the Bor­der Pipes, the Irish Uil­leann Pipes, and oth­ers. In Europe, instru­ments include the zam­pog­na of Italy, the bin­iou of France, and the Dudel­sack (yes, real­ly) of Ger­many.  There are also bag­pipes indige­nous to India, Iran, Greece, Turkey, Rus­sia, Poland, Nor­way, Swe­den, and pret­ty much every oth­er Euro­pean coun­try you know.
  • Bag­pipes were used on the bat­tle­fields of Scot­land and Eng­land as ear­ly as the 16th cen­tu­ry.  Bag­pipes were used in a man­ner sim­i­lar to the use of the bugle by the cav­al­ries of West­erns, with dif­fer­ent types of tunes to denote march­ing to bat­tle, retreat­ing, reveille, etc. The com­mon­ly known music of the Great High­land Bag­pipes today comes most­ly from the tra­di­tion of mar­tial music; bag­pipe com­pe­ti­tions strong­ly empha­size march­es specif­i­cal­ly.
  • Gra­tu­itous­ly sexy bag­piper? Don’t mind if I do!

    While dif­fer­ent types of bag­pipe vary great­ly in their tones, the instru­ments have an under­ly­ing uni­ty to their sound, which is due to the way they are played.  Almost all bag­pipes con­sist of a chanter, which plays the melody, and at least one drone pipe, which plays a sin­gle note in the back­ground (hence the name). The piper fills the bag with air, either blown in by mouth or pumped in by a bel­lows, and then squeezes the bag, which forces the air through reeds in the pipes, which pro­duces the notes of the instru­ment.

    From Wikipedia (because I tried to say this as con­cise­ly and failed): “The chanter is usu­al­ly open-end­ed, so there is no easy way for the play­er to stop the pipe from sound­ing. Thus most bag­pipes share a con­stant, lega­to sound where there are no rests in the music. Pri­mar­i­ly because of this inabil­i­ty to stop play­ing, tech­ni­cal move­ments are used to break up notes and to cre­ate the illu­sion of artic­u­la­tion and accents. Because of their impor­tance, the­se embell­ish­ments (or ‘orna­ments’) are often high­ly tech­ni­cal sys­tems speci­fic to each bag­pipe, and take many years of study to mas­ter.”

  • Bill Millin, per­son­al piper to Simon Fraser, 15th Lord Lovat, piped British sol­diers ashore at Nor­mandy like a total badass.  After the bat­tle he asked some cap­tured Ger­man snipers why they hadn’t shot him and they told him it was because they thought he had gone insane.  What oth­er instru­ment has a sto­ry like that?! None oth­er.

That’s about enough of the edu­ca­tion­al stuff!  Here are some bag­pipes for you to lis­ten to! Enjoy!

Pipe Major Bri­an Don­ald­son and Willie Mac­Cal­lum, two of the best pipers liv­ing (and two of the nicest peo­ple you’d ever hope to meet!)

The late Pipe Major Alas­dair Gillies, last Pipe Major of the Queen’s Own High­landers, and pos­si­bly the great­est piper of the 20th Cen­tu­ry.  (Also a fan­tas­tic per­son.)

Here’s some Ital­ian bag­pipes!  Wtf?!

Rus­sian Bag­pipes!  Ah!

That’s all from your favorite bag­pipe lover for today!  Haste ye back! <3

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8 Mar

Nevertheless, She Persisted

Yeah, you heard me.

In hon­or of Nation­al Women’s Day, I want­ed to share some super cool cards we just got in that fea­ture badass wom­en. (Well, at least I think they’re cool, I designed them.) It all start­ed with Eliz­a­beth War­ren and what has become a bat­tle cry tak­en up by wom­en all around the globe. The wom­en fea­tured on the­se cards are per­son­al role mod­els of mine, each are strong in their own way.

Princess (and Gen­er­al) Leia Organa. My first role mod­el. I so want­ed to be like her when I grew up, con­fi­dent and take-no-shit atti­tude.

Ellen Rip­ley. Sur­viv­ing xenomorphs   AND mansplain­ing.

Daen­erys Storm­born of House Tar­garyen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt Queen of the… you get the pic­ture.
Also, Moth­er of DRAGONS!

Lady FUCKING Mor­mont!
(I don’t know what her actu­al mid­dle name is, but if it isn’t this, it should be, cause that girl is a stone cold badass.)

Hermione Granger.
There is absolute­ly no way Har­ry Pot­ter would’ve sur­vived with­out her.

Maeve Mil­lay of West­world.
I wish I could be half as smart and cun­ning as this host.


Ladies, I salute you. You have, and always will, per­sist.

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4 Mar


Your prob­a­bly sit­ting their on you’re couch reed­ing this like, “I’m a native Eng­lish speak­er I don’t knead a lessen in gram­mer.”

If that sen­tence made you want to die on the inside, then this blog is for YOU! Let’s get some things straight though.

First rule of grammar club:

We DO NOT make fun of incorrect grammar usage by someone who speaks English as a second language (ESL) because

you prob­a­bly can’t explain why it’s wrong. I’ve rarely heard some­one laugh at a poor­ly writ­ten sign and say, “HAHAHAHHA MORPHOLOGY STRIKES AGAIN!”

A per­son who uses ESL prob­a­bly knows more about Eng­lish than you do; as a native Eng­lish speak­er we take the rules for grant­ed and don’t ques­tion them, but some­one learn­ing Eng­lish is like “THIS IS THE STUPIDEST LANGUAGE” and in many ways, it is! Remem­ber this old gem?

and this clas­sic:

A lot of the rules we were taught grow­ing up (and by we I mean 30-some­things and above who remem­ber dia­gram­ming sen­tences in grade school. If you were me, it was the BEST! If you were a nor­mal per­son, it was the worst…but if you’re read­ing this, you’re in the for­mer camp).

But here’s the thing (ack! I start­ed a sen­tence with but! Shame!) the rea­sons we were told we couldn’t do cer­tain things are not rel­e­vant any­more. For exam­ple, one of the­se ancient rules is “you must not split an infini­tive.” WHY MUST WE NOT??????? Because (eeek I start­ed a sen­tence with ‘because’!! I FEEL LIKE A MILLENNIAL!!! I’M GONNA STAY UP PAST 9 TONIGHT!!!) Lat­in.  The infini­tive in Eng­lish takes the form ‘to (verb)’ as in “to go”. So when Cap­tain Kirk says “to boldy go” he is split­ting up that sexy infini­tive cou­pling with a moth­er­fuck­ing adverb. WTF amirite? Here’s the thing though, in Lat­in, “to go” is only one word, “ire”…BUT WE DON’T SPEAK LATIN ANYMORE.

{Can I side track to nerd town for a sec? K thanks. Before I went to grad­u­ate school for Speech Lan­guage Pathol­o­gy I had to brush up on some basics, but I real­ized that the­se basics weren’t exact­ly basic to your aver­age native Eng­lish speak­er. I fell so deeply mad­ly in love with my Pho­net­ics text­books (and teacher, ahem) and as a result fell so SO back in love with lan­guage.

Get­ting out­side the realm of gram­mar specif­i­cal­ly, here’s an exam­ple of a super awe­some thing: an allo­phone! So in Eng­lish, we’ve got the­se let­ters that makes sounds, let’s take the let­ter /t/for exam­ple: it’s called a phone­me; it rep­re­sents a sound. When you weren’t look­ing, /t/ went out and made a fam­i­ly! That’s right, /t/ has it’s own fuck­ing fam­i­ly, and they are called phones. The [t] in tar is dif­fer­ent from the [t] in star; if you put your hand in front of your mouth when you say “tar” you will feel a puff of air, and that is called an aspi­rat­ed [t] and has it’s own sep­a­rate sym­bol! The [t] in “writer” sounds like a [d] when spo­ken, so that gets ITS OWN SYMBOL (called a flap) and this goes on, AND THAT’S JUST ENGLISH! The­se oth­er /t/ sounds are allo­phones of /t/, aka, bas­tard chil­dren.

And don’t get me start­ed (yep I start­ed a sen­tence with AND; screw you, Ann Lan­ders) on how beau­ti­ful actu­al 3D depic­tions of spo­ken lan­guage are.}

End side track…you for­got you were in brack­ets didn’t you! We’re back to sassy town.

The 2nd rule of grammar club:

We DO make fun of the president of the United States if he makes a grammatical error, and here’s why:


Going to leave you with a cou­ple won­der­ful links: one will take you to a twit­ter account called Trump­Gram­mar…no expla­na­tion need­ed, and the sec­ond is a link to a study by CMU that found Trump’s gram­mar to be just below a 6th grade lev­el, Aslan save us all.

PEACE OUT (that’s right I’m end­ing on a prepo­si­tion. EAT IT.)

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3 Mar

I Think I Blue This Post

Life is hard. You’re thrown into this world with no choice of what your name is, who your fam­i­ly is, or who you’re attract­ed to. For George Michael Bluth, none of those things end­ed up in his favor. But every day he man­ages to get out of bed with a pos­i­tive atti­tude. We can all learn a thing from George Michael, and thank God he’s teach­ing us, or else we’d all be get­ting scared straight by a man with one arm. In hon­or of George Michael’s Birth­day on March 3, here are some help­ful tips on rela­tion­ships, busi­ness, and fam­i­ly.

Relationships 101:

Nev­er fall in love with your cous­in

George Michael has dealt with con­flict­ing emo­tions about his cous­in, Mae­by, since the show’s pilot episode. They shared a kiss, and it sent shiv­ers down his once inno­cent spine. His love for her grows over the course of the show, though he’s obvi­ous­ly trou­bled by the nature of this. It is hint­ed that they aren’t bio­log­i­cal­ly relat­ed, but they only find out the truth—Maeby’s moth­er is adopted—after they get to sec­ond base. Ouch.

                         Date some­one mem­o­rable

Business Tips:

Find a void and fill it

George Michael has always been a good stu­dent. In col­lege, he real­ly came into his own, los­ing his vir­gin­i­ty to a Span­ish moth­er while abroad, and devel­op­ing what is the best wood­en block app on the mar­ket. “Fake­Block” start­ed out as a small idea, a musi­cal block app, but, after a white lie and a series of mis­un­der­stand­ings, every­one believed it to be a rev­o­lu­tion­ary anti-social net­work app. Though it was all a mis­un­der­stand­ing that got out of con­trol, Net­flix did make the app to pro­mote the new sea­son.

 There’s always mon­ey in a banana stand 

As Mr. Man­ager, George Michael has a lot of pres­sure on him. On his first day as Mr. Man­ager, Mae­by thinks the whole, “take a dol­lar, take a banana and eat it” sys­tem works well until George Michael real­izes they actu­al­ly have to pay for the bananas they sell. George Michael isn’t the only one we can learn from. His father, Michael, learned the hard way that there’s always mon­ey in a banana stand when he burns it down, only to dis­cov­er there was $250,000 hid­den in the walls.

Bluth Life Lessons:

There is no right way to dance like a chick­en 

Every­one thinks that they have the per­fect chick­en dance. But which way is best? The Bluth fam­i­ly has some very strong opin­ions.

Fam­i­ly comes first 

Through­out the series, George Michael learns that no mat­ter how dys­func­tion­al your fam­i­ly is, they’re always there to fall back on. Even if they were the ones who fucked up the sit­u­a­tion in the first place. No mat­ter how many times you try to leave them, you can’t escape them. The fam­i­ly that burns evi­dence togeth­er, stays togeth­er.