8 Mar

Nevertheless, She Persisted

Yeah, you heard me.

In hon­or of Nation­al Women’s Day, I want­ed to share some super cool cards we just got in that fea­ture badass wom­en. (Well, at least I think they’re cool, I designed them.) It all start­ed with Eliz­a­beth War­ren and what has become a bat­tle cry tak­en up by wom­en all around the globe. The wom­en fea­tured on the­se cards are per­son­al role mod­els of mine, each are strong in their own way.

Princess (and Gen­er­al) Leia Organa. My first role mod­el. I so want­ed to be like her when I grew up, con­fi­dent and take-no-shit atti­tude.

Ellen Rip­ley. Sur­viv­ing xenomorphs   AND mansplain­ing.

Daen­erys Storm­born of House Tar­garyen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt Queen of the… you get the pic­ture.
Also, Moth­er of DRAGONS!

Lady FUCKING Mor­mont!
(I don’t know what her actu­al mid­dle name is, but if it isn’t this, it should be, cause that girl is a stone cold badass.)

Hermione Granger.
There is absolute­ly no way Har­ry Pot­ter would’ve sur­vived with­out her.

Maeve Mil­lay of West­world.
I wish I could be half as smart and cun­ning as this host.


Ladies, I salute you. You have, and always will, per­sist.

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4 Mar


Your prob­a­bly sit­ting their on you’re couch reed­ing this like, “I’m a native Eng­lish speak­er I don’t knead a lessen in gram­mer.”

If that sen­tence made you want to die on the inside, then this blog is for YOU! Let’s get some things straight though.

First rule of grammar club:

We DO NOT make fun of incorrect grammar usage by someone who speaks English as a second language (ESL) because

you prob­a­bly can’t explain why it’s wrong. I’ve rarely heard some­one laugh at a poor­ly writ­ten sign and say, “HAHAHAHHA MORPHOLOGY STRIKES AGAIN!”

A per­son who uses ESL prob­a­bly knows more about Eng­lish than you do; as a native Eng­lish speak­er we take the rules for grant­ed and don’t ques­tion them, but some­one learn­ing Eng­lish is like “THIS IS THE STUPIDEST LANGUAGE” and in many ways, it is! Remem­ber this old gem?

and this clas­sic:

A lot of the rules we were taught grow­ing up (and by we I mean 30-some­things and above who remem­ber dia­gram­ming sen­tences in grade school. If you were me, it was the BEST! If you were a nor­mal per­son, it was the worst…but if you’re read­ing this, you’re in the for­mer camp).

But here’s the thing (ack! I start­ed a sen­tence with but! Shame!) the rea­sons we were told we couldn’t do cer­tain things are not rel­e­vant any­more. For exam­ple, one of the­se ancient rules is “you must not split an infini­tive.” WHY MUST WE NOT??????? Because (eeek I start­ed a sen­tence with ‘because’!! I FEEL LIKE A MILLENNIAL!!! I’M GONNA STAY UP PAST 9 TONIGHT!!!) Lat­in.  The infini­tive in Eng­lish takes the form ‘to (verb)’ as in “to go”. So when Cap­tain Kirk says “to boldy go” he is split­ting up that sexy infini­tive cou­pling with a moth­er­fuck­ing adverb. WTF amirite? Here’s the thing though, in Lat­in, “to go” is only one word, “ire”…BUT WE DON’T SPEAK LATIN ANYMORE.

{Can I side track to nerd town for a sec? K thanks. Before I went to grad­u­ate school for Speech Lan­guage Pathol­o­gy I had to brush up on some basics, but I real­ized that the­se basics weren’t exact­ly basic to your aver­age native Eng­lish speak­er. I fell so deeply mad­ly in love with my Pho­net­ics text­books (and teacher, ahem) and as a result fell so SO back in love with lan­guage.

Get­ting out­side the realm of gram­mar specif­i­cal­ly, here’s an exam­ple of a super awe­some thing: an allo­phone! So in Eng­lish, we’ve got the­se let­ters that makes sounds, let’s take the let­ter /t/for exam­ple: it’s called a phone­me; it rep­re­sents a sound. When you weren’t look­ing, /t/ went out and made a fam­i­ly! That’s right, /t/ has it’s own fuck­ing fam­i­ly, and they are called phones. The [t] in tar is dif­fer­ent from the [t] in star; if you put your hand in front of your mouth when you say “tar” you will feel a puff of air, and that is called an aspi­rat­ed [t] and has it’s own sep­a­rate sym­bol! The [t] in “writer” sounds like a [d] when spo­ken, so that gets ITS OWN SYMBOL (called a flap) and this goes on, AND THAT’S JUST ENGLISH! The­se oth­er /t/ sounds are allo­phones of /t/, aka, bas­tard chil­dren.

And don’t get me start­ed (yep I start­ed a sen­tence with AND; screw you, Ann Lan­ders) on how beau­ti­ful actu­al 3D depic­tions of spo­ken lan­guage are.}

End side track…you for­got you were in brack­ets didn’t you! We’re back to sassy town.

The 2nd rule of grammar club:

We DO make fun of the president of the United States if he makes a grammatical error, and here’s why:


Going to leave you with a cou­ple won­der­ful links: one will take you to a twit­ter account called Trump­Gram­mar…no expla­na­tion need­ed, and the sec­ond is a link to a study by CMU that found Trump’s gram­mar to be just below a 6th grade lev­el, Aslan save us all.

PEACE OUT (that’s right I’m end­ing on a prepo­si­tion. EAT IT.)

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3 Mar

I Think I Blue This Post

Life is hard. You’re thrown into this world with no choice of what your name is, who your fam­i­ly is, or who you’re attract­ed to. For George Michael Bluth, none of those things end­ed up in his favor. But every day he man­ages to get out of bed with a pos­i­tive atti­tude. We can all learn a thing from George Michael, and thank God he’s teach­ing us, or else we’d all be get­ting scared straight by a man with one arm. In hon­or of George Michael’s Birth­day on March 3, here are some help­ful tips on rela­tion­ships, busi­ness, and fam­i­ly.

Relationships 101:

Nev­er fall in love with your cous­in

George Michael has dealt with con­flict­ing emo­tions about his cous­in, Mae­by, since the show’s pilot episode. They shared a kiss, and it sent shiv­ers down his once inno­cent spine. His love for her grows over the course of the show, though he’s obvi­ous­ly trou­bled by the nature of this. It is hint­ed that they aren’t bio­log­i­cal­ly relat­ed, but they only find out the truth—Maeby’s moth­er is adopted—after they get to sec­ond base. Ouch.

                         Date some­one mem­o­rable

Business Tips:

Find a void and fill it

George Michael has always been a good stu­dent. In col­lege, he real­ly came into his own, los­ing his vir­gin­i­ty to a Span­ish moth­er while abroad, and devel­op­ing what is the best wood­en block app on the mar­ket. “Fake­Block” start­ed out as a small idea, a musi­cal block app, but, after a white lie and a series of mis­un­der­stand­ings, every­one believed it to be a rev­o­lu­tion­ary anti-social net­work app. Though it was all a mis­un­der­stand­ing that got out of con­trol, Net­flix did make the app to pro­mote the new sea­son.

 There’s always mon­ey in a banana stand 

As Mr. Man­ager, George Michael has a lot of pres­sure on him. On his first day as Mr. Man­ager, Mae­by thinks the whole, “take a dol­lar, take a banana and eat it” sys­tem works well until George Michael real­izes they actu­al­ly have to pay for the bananas they sell. George Michael isn’t the only one we can learn from. His father, Michael, learned the hard way that there’s always mon­ey in a banana stand when he burns it down, only to dis­cov­er there was $250,000 hid­den in the walls.

Bluth Life Lessons:

There is no right way to dance like a chick­en 

Every­one thinks that they have the per­fect chick­en dance. But which way is best? The Bluth fam­i­ly has some very strong opin­ions.

Fam­i­ly comes first 

Through­out the series, George Michael learns that no mat­ter how dys­func­tion­al your fam­i­ly is, they’re always there to fall back on. Even if they were the ones who fucked up the sit­u­a­tion in the first place. No mat­ter how many times you try to leave them, you can’t escape them. The fam­i­ly that burns evi­dence togeth­er, stays togeth­er.



1 Mar

March 2017 Calendar of Events

Hap­py March, friends! Bulbs are com­ing up, days are get­ting longer, and we’ve got a whole new mon­th of cel­e­bra­tions, of course! From Wom­en of Col­or Day, to Nation­al Nap­ping Day, to Won’t You Be My Neigh­bor Day, and Nation­al Respect Your Cat Day, there’s a whole lot to cel­e­brate. Read on to see what’s get­ting our panties in a bunch this mon­th! Read more »

24 Feb

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries: Pride & Prejudice for a New Generation

It is a rare occa­sion that I give even a moment’s thought to the ques­tion “Is this adap­ta­tion even close to as good as the source mate­ri­al?” So it is dur­ing the­se rare occa­sions that I must put a spot­light on the adap­ta­tion in ques­tion. Few sto­ries are able to reach the­se heights. Aside from the focus of this blog, the only adap­ta­tions I can think of in this cat­e­go­ry are Matil­da, Har­ry Pot­ters 1–3, and Spi­der-Man 2, the movie and video game. To fit this cat­e­go­ry, an adap­ta­tion should not sim­ply be a word-for-word recre­ation of the text, nor should it stray too far. It is, to me, most impor­tant to cap­ture the ener­gy and feel­ings evoked from the work. This cri­te­ria is what makes The Lizzie Ben­net Diaries one of the strongest adap­ta­tions ever.

The Lizzie Ben­net Diaries is a retelling of the Jane Austen’s Pride and Prej­u­dice, using vlog­ging as the plat­form. It aired from 2012–2013 on YouTube. Pro­duced by Hank Green, this adap­ta­tion tack­les both the love lives and careers of a stream­lined three Ben­net sisters—Lizzie, Jane, and Lydia—and Char­lot­te, Lizzie’s best friend. In mod­ern day, Lizzie and Char­lot­te are media grad stu­dents enter­ing their last year, while Jane works as an unpaid intern for a fash­ion line, and Lydia is fin­ish­ing col­lege. They all live at home, some­thing very sym­pa­thet­ic to this blog­ger, and one of the small things that makes Pride and Prej­u­dice an eter­nal sto­ry.

At its core, P&P is a sto­ry about fam­i­ly, love, life, and social advance­ment. The­se don’t change when you add in a series of jump cuts and char­ac­ter twit­ter accounts. The social media and vlogs start­ed by oth­er char­ac­ters add to the sto­ry in ways that oth­er adap­ta­tions sim­ply can’t. As she comes to learn through­out the plot, Lizzie is a hor­ri­bly stub­born char­ac­ter who can’t reli­ably nar­rate her way out of a social for­mal. Because this is a mod­ern sto­ry, oth­er char­ac­ters are able to give their opin­ions and thoughts on the hap­pen­ings sur­round­ing them. We get a fuller per­spec­tive on what’s going on as char­ac­ters like Gigi Dar­cy enter the stage much soon­er through their social media pres­ence than they actu­al­ly appear on screen.

A great aspect of this sto­ry is the time given to indi­vid­u­al moments. The orig­i­nal release had mul­ti­ple episodes com­ing out every week for a year, rang­ing from three to ten min­utes each. The result is the longest adap­ta­tion of Pride and Prej­u­dice ever, in bite-sized pieces. It is easy to lose hours watch­ing the series. “Just one more” only means anoth­er four min­utes, but as you get lost in the South­ern Cal­i­for­ni­an lives of the Ben­net sis­ters, you quick­ly for­get what you were plan­ning to do after you fin­ish “just this episode.”

Although the love sto­ry of Lizzie and Dar­cy, dubbed “Dizzie” by fans (I kind of hate name-smash­ing as a ship name. What­ev­er hap­pened to the good old days of MSR? And why can’t peo­ple be fine with a sim­ple slash or x between names? I digress.), is still quite the pres­ence, it’s not the dom­i­nat­ing sto­ry line as it is in many takes on the tale, and in people’s minds. Dar­cy is, of course, still the incred­i­bly prej­u­diced, but incred­i­bly lov­ing, social­ly-awk­ward, hot dude he’s always been meant to be, but more of the plot is ded­i­cat­ed to explor­ing the dynam­ics of four young wom­en striv­ing to advance their lives and careers. I cried more over the fights and argu­ments between the girls than I ever did over the heart­break and love lives, and I’m sure most view­ers did the same.

I implore you, dear­est read­er, whether you have loved Pride and Prej­u­dice for a long time or have nev­er even thought about pick­ing up the book (as I had not before watch­ing this web series), to watch The Lizzie Ben­net Diaries. As for my orig­i­nal ques­tion, I don’t know that The LBD quite stacks up to the pow­er of the orig­i­nal nov­el, but no adap­ta­tion tru­ly can. It is a wor­thy adap­ta­tion all the same for being able to even start the con­ver­sa­tion, and it is my favorite adap­ta­tion of Pride and Prej­u­dice for the same rea­son. The Lizzie Ben­net Diaries is patient and kind when the title char­ac­ter is less than so. It loves its char­ac­ters and wants to tell everyone’s side of the sto­ry even when she does not, and espe­cial­ly when she can­not. You can start with episode one, fol­low­ing along with all the asso­ci­at­ed social media in chrono­log­i­cal order by fol­low­ing this link (click it, click it please!).

20 Feb

Find Someone to Love You Unconditionally on National Love Your Pet Day!

Feb­ru­ary 20th is Nation­al Love Your Pet Day!  Aka the best and most beau­ti­ful day of the year!  We love pets.  They are cud­dly and adorable and the actu­al best.  Pet own­er­ship has been sci­en­tif­i­cal­ly proven* to make your life bet­ter.  Tak­ing care of a crea­ture oth­er than your­self not only imparts respon­si­bil­i­ty and makes you a less nar­cis­sis­tic crazy­pants, but it is also the essen­tial ingre­di­ent for a per­fect meet-cute.  Basi­cal­ly what I’m try­ing to say is that you should have a pet.  Because if you don’t have a pet, you will get preg­nant.  And die.

Nev­er­mind that, though!  Let’s look at pic­tures of the var­i­ous and sundry pets of Kards Unlim­it­ed!


Speck is so amaz­ing and majes­tic.


Ate and Ursu­la! Cud­dling kit­tens of DOOM!

Baby Ursu­la was the best Ursu­la.


Oh Wat­son. You goof­ball.


Ha, Sip­per. Too cute. Look at her lit­tle crossed eyes.

This is Rick. She clear­ly takes after her own­er Dale

And this is Clover! I love her so much and I haven’t even met her yet!

*I don’t really think that science has proven anything of the kind, but it sounds reasonable.  Pets are the best.  Just trust me.
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19 Feb

Son of a Bat: The Story of Damian Wayne

Not every super­hero is lucky enough to have a fam­i­ly. In fact, it’s often the lack of loved ones that pro­pels a “Mask” into the bat­tle, as it were, and what push­es them to keep search­ing for jus­tice.

We know Bruce Wayne lost his par­ents at a very young age due to vio­lence, and Bat­man has nev­er been one to show much emo­tion. He’s reserved and qui­et when it comes to his feel­ings on…feelings. How­ev­er, every now and again we get a peek into the soft­er side of the Bat. Espe­cial­ly when it comes to his son, Dami­an.

There’s a father-son bond between the­se two that isn’t often seen in the many worlds of comics. Bruce was unaware of his son’s exis­tence; Damien was brought up by Tal­ia al Ghul and trained by the League of Assas­sins to be able to destroy Bat­man. The plans went awry and Dami­an end­ed up being adopt­ed by Bruce and trained as his next Robin. Bruce wor­ries about his son in the way only a man who has lost his whole fam­i­ly can, and vice ver­sa. They keep each oth­er in line. It can be quite dra­mat­ic and even adorable to see their inter­ac­tions togeth­er.

But where Bruce is very strict and straight-laced, Dami­an is easy-going and loves to laugh. Damian’s sassy atti­tude is quite amus­ing and his rule-break­ing can often get him into trou­ble with Bruce and the oth­er mem­bers of the Bat-fam­i­ly. There was always a con­flict with­in Dami­an that had him, on one hand, look­ing to Bat­man as his father and men­tor, but on the oth­er hand, look­ing to his grand­fa­ther Ra’s al Ghul (the Demon’s head) as an influ­ence. It’s all too easy to kill your ene­mies and walk away. Dami­an strug­gles with his inner demons on a dai­ly basis.

Because Dami­an has cho­sen to stay with Bruce and cho­sen the path of not killing, Tal­ia and Ra’s want revenge. They feel that he has betrayed the fam­i­ly and all of their teach­ings, so they set out to assas­si­nate him and to hurt Bruce in one ter­ri­ble moment.

The assas­si­na­tion plot a suc­cess, Damien is killed, but as long as the Mul­ti­verse flour­ish­es and the Lazares Pits boil, all is not lost…



18 Feb

A [Star]Fleet of Fun on Flirting Day

Why thank you Neil deGrasse Tyson, you are out of this world, too.

Why thank you Neil deGrasse Tyson, you are out of this world, too.

Here at KU, the staff isn’t shy of flirt­ing. We flirt with cus­tomers, with each oth­er, and even with our­selves (OK, I can’t speak to the rest of the staff on that last one, but all I’m say­ing is that if you’ve nev­er looked your­self in the mir­ror and said aloud ‘my, my, someone’s look­ing adorably nerdy/damn sexy/pleasurably pleas­ant today,’ then you’re miss­ing out. Makes the soul feel good.) So Flirt­ing Day on Feb­ru­ary 18 should prob­a­bly be one of Kards’ offi­cial hol­i­days, behind May the Fourth Be With You Day, Pierogi and Taco Days, and, you know, actu­al hol­i­days.

Flirt­ing Day, or, alter­na­tive­ly, Flirt­ing Week if one needs more time for the flirtage, takes place each year in the third week of Feb­ru­ary as part of a post-Valentine’s week ded­i­cat­ed to cel­e­brat­ing sin­gle­hood. Oth­er days include Sin­gles Aware­ness Day and Per­fume Day. There’s not a whole lot of back­ground for this hol­i­day, but it’s pret­ty self-explana­to­ry. Find a per­son and have a good-natured, friend­ly, and most impor­tant­ly, not creepy flirt ses­sion.

Don’t know how to flirt? It’s cool, me nei­ther. (Have I brought up the fact that I’m a crazy cat lady way too many times while try­ing to woo a stranger? Yes. Yes, I have. And I will again and again and again because, well, you can’t teach an old cat new tricks.) How­ev­er, thanks to the inter­web, I have com­piled a list of some of the best nerdy pick­up lines to help you get your foot in the door. Once woo­ing is ini­ti­at­ed with the­se flaw­less lines,* you are free to flirt on, my friends.


For the sci­ence nerd:

Are you made of cop­per and tel­luri­um? Because you are CuTe.

Do you like sci­ence? Because I’ve got my ion you.

Do you have 11 pro­tons? Because you are Sodi­um fine!

For the music nerd:

I bet you and I could get into some seri­ous tre­ble togeth­er.

You must be a choir direc­tor, because you make my heart sing.

You had me at cel­lo.

 For the lit­er­ary nerd:

Charles Dick­ens may have given you Great Expec­ta­tions, but I can meet them.

I believe in The Impor­tance of Being Earnest, so I’m just going to say it: I’m Wilde about you.

I like books, you like books, why don’t we start writ­ing the sto­ry of us?

If it was 1984, and I was Big Broth­er, I’d only watch you.

For the com­put­er nerd:

You must be wi-fi, because I feel a con­nec­tion here.

Is your name Google? ‘Cause you’re every­thing I’ve been search­ing for.

Ros­es are #ff0000, vio­lets are #0000ff, all my base are belong to you.

For the video game nerd:

Are you wear­ing Pega­sus Boots? Because you’ve been run­ning through my mind all day. (Zel­da)

Are you a pikachu? Because you are shock­ing­ly beau­ti­ful. (Poke­mon)

I think some­thing is wrong with my auto-aim. I can’t take my eyes off you. (Halo)

Will you be my Final Fan­ta­sy? (Not explain­ing this one. If you don’t get it, you prob­a­bly shouldn’t use it.)

For the fan­dom nerd:

I’ve fal­l­en hard­er for you than Bran Stark. (Game of Thrones)

You’re the Obi-Wan for me. (Star Wars)

The fires of Mount Doom aren’t near­ly as hot as you. (Lord of the Rings)

Your phaser’s on kill, but you’re stun­ning me. (Star Trek)

You must play Quid­ditch. I know a Keep­er when I see one. (Har­ry Pot­ter)

You must be an angel because your beau­ty is blind­ing. (Super­nat­u­ral)

Are you a weep­ing angel? Because I can’t take my eyes off you. (Dr. Who)


All right, you are ready to head out on your flirt­ing adven­ture. Hap­py Flirt­ing Day!

*Pick­up lines have not been per­son­al­ly test­ed on humans, only my cat, who seemed to appre­ci­ate them. Or may­be she was purring at the bowl of food in my hand. Either way, results not guar­an­teed.