1 Mar
2012

March into March. The Best Month of the Year. But Really.

It's been windy as a MOTHER this week which makes me think that the beginning of the
BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR
is going to be in like a lion, which according to everyone means out like a lamb!

This is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I'm not even on mescaline right now.

In case your time space continuum is off and you are oblivious to where you are, the best month of the year is MARCH! March is fantastic for many reasons. One reason is that the March Equinox occurs which means this is the beginning of the rebirth of the year! Even if you aren't a crazy hippy you know you like spring. Even you people who hate the warmth and the sun still enjoy March. It is the IDEAL month.

Another reason March is better than EVERY other month: I was born a quarter of a century ago. You're welcome.

Every other cool person in the world was born in March. Except for Anita Bryant. She was an accident and shouldn't be counted as human. We are even getting a new half-Canadian member of the KU family in March which is super exciting.

Women's History Month or should I say HERstory is in March. Some basketball stuff happens or something. It's just an all around good month!

It's Berries And Cherries Month! Now that spring is...springing? That means all of our favorite fruits are coming back to us. Maybe you canned something that you want to bust out? Maybe you want to make an adorable hand held pie? Put some in your maple syrup and get it hot? A cake full of berries and cherries? Whatever you choose to do with them I will want some.

It's International Ideas Month! I will add more to this once it's actually March and I have more ideas about it....

National Caffeine Awareness Month!
Okay- so most Amurricans partake in the java whether it be iced, hot, latte or enema form. We are also known for our over indulgence in the soda department as well as the energy drink department. We even like to mix our uppers and our downers for shiz and giggles! It's kind of who we are.

But this month is when we should become awaren of it! It doesn't matter how old you are caffeine dependence is a problem. I saw this recently and I can't stop watching it. Im not sure if it will make you want to go out and make your own "Go Go Juice" or if it will make you quit caffeine cold turkey OR if you will just pee yourself while you're not sure if you're laughing or crying but please watch it!

So my little honey boo boo childs (yes childs, not children) It is also:
EMPLOYEE SPIRIT MONTH!!!!

Since we are your favorite neighborhood kard shop employees AND we love our jobs we will be flashing all of you our spirit all month long and GEE GOLLY is our spirit big! Stay tuned for employee spirit month activities!

National Procrastination Week is the 4-10...it was originally scheduled for some week in February but....we're only just getting around to it now.

Speaking of cats, March 3 is the holiday we muse about all year long:
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day!

When evolution finally makes this happen and cats finally take over the earth, as they have to other planets in other galaxies, I'm hoping that they spare me and my family since we have been bending to their will since 1987. But everyone else who doesn't know this will be happening can just think about all the what-ifs!

March 7 is Cereal Day.

Those who read this blog know that I like food. I might even love it. I might even talk about it in pornographic detail at times. Despite my love of fancy food pairings, cook books and well planned meals I think that cereal is one of the best things the human race has to offer and I will explain this is GRAPHIC detail at a later date.

We of course will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day full throttle.

Whether you're Irish, or you just like to adopt their age old drinking habit for the day, we want to help you! But not in an AA help kind of way. More in a "it's okay just have one more drink, it's good for you" kind of way. ENABLING!  It's what's for dinner!

Tune in a little bit later to find out how we will be meeting your St. Patty's Day needs!

Mr. Fred Rogers would be turning 84 this year! Everyone loves Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood but so few actually get to be his neighbor for realz! We in "da 'burgh" get that pleasure and we will be celebrating his birthday as well as Sweater Day! I have enough Mr. Rogers-like sweaters to go around and we have lots of Mr. Rogers swag to help yinz get into the spirit.

Some Birthdays we have cool links for!!!
(not just mine)

Ron Howard: 1st
Ke$ha: 1st
Justin Bieber: 1st
Dr. Seuss: 2nd
John Irving: 2nd
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: 6th
Chuck Norris: 10th
John Hamm: 10th
Douglas Adams: 11th
Edward Albee: 12th
William H Macy: 13th
Albert Einstein: 14th
Fabio: 15th
Kevin Smith: 16th
Mr. Rogers: 20th
Lois Lowry: 20th
Alyson Hannigan: 24th
Leonard Nimoy: 26th
 Lady Gaga: 28th
Christopher Walken: 31st

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29 Feb
2012

Leapin’ Leap Year! It’s the 29th of February!

We only get to see such a wonderful number in February every four years or so. Actually, we get to see it in years that are divisible by four evenly but not the ones that are also divisible by 100 unless it is divisible by 400 as well.

Leap years have always amused and fascinated me in a way that would probably make people question my sanity, something not out of the ordinary. I remember the day I found out about leap years. I was young and my mom was telling me about a girl I knew who had a birthday on February 29th and she was making a joke about this girl only turning two years old technically. Though I understood she was kidding my mind went somewhere else. I thought about all the possibilities of being born on a day that doesn't exist. Being forgotten about by time. Like leap year babies had the ability to time travel. They were able to exist in other dimensions and only had to really exist in ours every four years. They were magical fairy like creatures and I loved them. I would think about them from time to time and laugh to myself. Out loud. They were fooling everyone! Oh sweet leaplings.

Now Leap Year is even cooler because of why it exists. The history behind it: Egyptians (nomnomnom) then Romans, Caesar, priests doing it different than decreed, being in all the different calendar systems throughout the ages in some way. The way it synchronizes our calendar system with the seasons and the solar year because it takes the earth  365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds to travel around the sun, not 365 and how overtime that could eff with our ability to stay on track with the equinoxes. I LOVE ASTRONOMY. Don't get me started on the algorithms.

I think I just decided I want to get married on a Leap Year...

Yes I did. It's decided. And how perfect! There are lots of folky tales about a leap year being when a woman can propose to a man. If you say no though, you are required by law to buy her 12 pairs of gloves. To see this better explained just watch Leap Year starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode because they are both very attractive. It wont explain the gloves thing though.

So enjoy this precious day, friends. It only happens 97 times every 400 years!

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21 Feb
2012

OTBN – Your Favorite Special Occasion You Never Knew About!

GET YER LIVERS READY AND START YOUR ENGINES!
Tomorrow is Open That Bottle Night!

Everyone who drinks loves to smile!

Why have I not heard of this holiday in it's twelfth year, you might be asking yourself. Don't I celebrate this holiday every weeekend? Some week day evenings? Who started it and why is it here? Why do you have so many questions?

OTBN dinner parties are a smash!

Way back some people started this holiday probably because they owned a vineyard or a company that sold wine or something and then maybe it was a slow year so they gave us this holiday the same way the Pilgrims gave us Thanksgiving. A holiday to indulge. For those of us who need a "special occasion" to let loose. Here is your special occasion! It's OTBN!

They have a website where you can read about people reconnecting with old friends, trying fancy wines, having fancy parties, wearing blazers, busting out ye olde table clothe. You can do WHATEVER you want. As long as you're opening a bottle. You can even decide what it's a bottle of. It's like a choose your own adventure dinner party.

Since we love opening bottles here in the good old KU.S.A we like to be prepared for these occasions and if we're prepared it means you are too! Isn't that ideal?

Come look at our bar sections!

Want to have some special cocktails for OTBN? Want to know the best wines of this year? Want to brew your own beer? Know what to pair with what? Stop that fretting and bed wetting because we actually have anything you could ever need for this night.

[galleryview id=5 showPanels=true showCaptions=true showFilmstrip=true panelWidth=650 panelHeight=430 panelScale=nocrop transitionSpeed=800 transitionInterval=0 fadePanels=true overlayPosition=bottom overlayOpacity=0.7 frameWidth=60 frameHeight=40 filmstripPosition=bottom pointerSize=8 frameScale=crop frameGap=5 frameOpacity=0.3 easingValue=swing navTheme=light startFrame=1 pauseOnHover=false]

Going to have your own OTBN party now?
Post pics on our facebook page!

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10 Feb
2012

Extra Special Awesome VD Weekend Blog!

4 days and counting.....

 4 days until you need to have the BEST gift ever, or you will be alone forever.

4 days to find the MOST PERFECT CARD you've ever given another human being, or you will be alone forever.

Well not forever but you might have a not so fun day and your significant person might think you suck a little.

AKA the booty might not be gotten.

So let me hit you with something. I'm poor. You might be too. Which means the V Day presents will not be extravagant but they will be full of love. But lets say that you can't even do that.

EVERYTHING. And I mean almost everything. Can be remedied with the perfect card. You can be adorable Michael Cera goofy. Hot goofy like Paul Rudd. Sexy like...someone sexy. Romantic. Serious. Romantic and funny. And you NEED to write your own message because even the most perfect card will only get you so far without a little bit of your own thought involved.

HIT HER/HIM WITH AS MUCH EMOTION AS A GOO GOO DOLLS SONG. Bring them to tears.

Or make her/him feel rull sexy, like:

LUCKY FOR YOU we have so so so many cards but better get 'em while they're hot because this weekend everyone will have the same idea as you!

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So kids there are only a sampling of the SMORGASBORD that is in the this magical place called Kards Unlimited. So please come and check out the bazillion cards before there are only a half bazillion left!

This is what the KU Valentine's Day sections look like.

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7 Feb
2012

Children’s Authors and Illustrators We Salute You!

Oh. Hello. I didn't see you there.

Welcome to Children's Authors and Illustrators Week!!

If you've ever stepped foot into the wonderland known as Kards Unlimited and walked through our children's  book section you might have realized that we have some of the best in town. Which means someone knows and loves children's lit. If you've ever had a question about children's books and were lucky enough to hear one of our walkie talkie convos you would have realized

  1. We are all insane
  2. We LOVE children's lit
  3. We're actually insane

What I'm going to do is hand this post over to some people who are much better at expressing real thoughts and who say things of worth.

Last years brilliant post - Childrens authors and illustrators week crazy 1800s style! Read it plz!

And here ====>  yes here!  <====

My very good friend the Librarian in the Cupboard has been giving her opinions on these matters for quite some time. She is hilarious and and incredibly knowledgeable and the name of her blog is better than yours.
Peruse it, search old posts, check out new posts. It's a good idea.

And look here at only a sampling of the children's books we have at KU!

[galleryview id=3]

Merry Merry Children's Authors and Illustrators Week to You! 

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6 Feb
2012

KU Valentine’s Day GIFT LIST – Helping You Get Some Since 1968!

"The cutest thing ever...From Roy...A giant teddy bear. Bigger than you. [opens tiny box to reveal miniature teddy bear] Sounds. great...No, no; it really does sound great. Listen, Beth, I gotta go; the Christmas tree's on fire." Guess what this is from without looking it up and I'll go on a date with you and put my mouth on your mouth.

DON'T LET THIS BE YOU!!
Keep Calm.
It's the always annual Kards Unlimited
Valentine's Day
Gift List
!!!

Read this blog! Get ideas. Buy things. Give them. Get some. Good.

Also, if you plan on being single or flying solo you should STILL plan on having a good Valentine's Day. Take your happiness into your own hands. If you catch our drift. Get it?

Sexiness is next to cleanliness as the age old saying goes and rub-a-dub-dub there's a lot more than cleaning that you can do in the tub.

Get to your Valentine's heart by telling them they should take a sexy bubble bath. But be careful not to invite yourself too presumptiously.  Also be careful not to act like you want them to do it by themselves. Be boldly subtle...figure it out.

Whether you're getting it as a gift to be used together or just to help your sweet heart relieve some stress these make the perfect VDay gift. I have a headache will never be a viable excuse again.

Looking for a way to stay hot on Valentine's Day? Why not turn your tub into a cherry scented sexy time grotto! Put in one of these Bath Fizzy's and prepare yourself for a very seductive soak.

That's right, your favorite witty soaps are back with a vengeance just in time for Valentine's Day! Perfect for those flying solo, friends, recently single, people needing a laugh and older women hunting young men.

Steamy Book Nook, aka Non-Conventional Love Stories.

Looking to curl up on Valentine's Day with a love story that doesn't involve Fabio or your typical boy-girl let's fall in love in Victorian England, New York City or Paris plot? Then grab some of these non-conventional love stories that simultaneously enthrall and make you wish you had to choose between your dreamy hunting buddy and your ever sweet partner in a fight to the death. So romantic!

And remember what they say: Dystopian futures are the new vampires!

Example: The Hunger Games. I'm obsessed.

So maybe dystopian angsty love filled futures aren't your thing. Maybe you like your lit a little more lecherous, or not lit-like at all.

These are for you!

You know what they say, the couple the reads pornographic pop up books together, stays together! So why not spice up your Valentine's Day reading list? It could do you some good. Also good present for single folk. You know what I mean.

Two collections of sexy time-wasters for those moments spent recovering between sessions. Because whats better than using your brain and your junk or lady bits at the same time?

Oh how frequently these two go together. Two peas in a drunken naked mistake pod.

An aphrodisiac cookbook. Why wait until after dinner this Valentine's Day to get hot and heavy? The economy is still no good. Eat out without spending a dime.

GIRL IMMA GETCHA.
It's massage oil time.

We've all wanted to recreate the hot candle scene from Ricky Martin's Livin La Vida Locavideo. Now you can and it can smell rull good and be good for your skin and your sex life!

Kama Sutra gives you every type of massage oil, lotion, etc that you could ever need in every scent and flavor that you didn't even know you wanted. But really come in and check out these massage oil candles. Come light them up and get turned on.

ROM COM Gifts!
Because comedy and love should always go together. Like wam-a-lama something something.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if a glory hole and a story book about your penis had a love child? Well wonder no more, because Penis Pokey has arrived and your penis is the star! Provide some phallic comedy this V-Day! But remember to keep it clean after with our I <3 My Penis hand sani -or wait- was that slutty?

What do you give the person who has everything for Valentine's Day? An adorable vintage looking printed tin full of condoms?  A place to store their drugs?  Art supplies? YES.

Cards cards cards! aka Valentines Valentines Valentines!

So we sell cards at Kards. The perfect Valentine's Day card is a MUST if you want to succeed.
So we're devoting another whole blog post to JUST CARDS!

TUNE IN FOR A SPECIAL WEEKEND BLOG! That's right. Weekend blog. Blowing your mind.

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31 Jan
2012

February: The Shortest Month With the Biggest Personality

February.
pronounced:  feb-yoo-er-ee.

This month is a wily one let me tell you. Boy scouts and condoms, marijuana and the tooth fairy, "ru"'s in the middle of words and the 29th of February; That black sheep, diamond in the rough, prize at the bottom of your box of cereal.

Be aware. Marijuana. It's everywhere. And pretty much everyone smokes it. Right?

It's Marijuana Awareness Month! I think we have something to say about this. But I guess we'll see if we feel like it when we get there.

Boy Scout Anniversary Week is the 5th through the 11th!

Almost every attempt I've made at saying something about this has resulted in something horribly dirty. There's something wrong with me. Well we have this really neato book about Boy Scouts that is in no way dirty! Happy Birthday Boy Scouts! How old? 102....That's over 18. DAMMIT I COULDNT STOP MYSELF.

Something I can't sully and that we celebrate almost every day at KU is Childrens Authors and Illustrators Week! If you've ever read our blog or come in our store you would have figured out we all know and love our children's lit. This is not the last you'll be hearing of this.

So February 1st kicks off just right with Working Naked Day.

There are so many benefits to working naked. What are some you ask?

  • Think about how many extra minutes of sleep you would get in a week since you wouldn't have to pick out an outfit.
  • Save money on doing laundry or even needing to buy work aprops clothes.
  • You'll feel so relaxed your productivity will sky rocket!
  • Spontaneous bongo playing will occur. I don't know why this benefits anyone, but Matthew McConaughey suggested it.

Downsides:

  • Cold.
  • You're naked.

So I guess we'll have to weigh the pros and cons of this one.

February 2nd is Groundhog day! 

Even if you aren't making it out to Punxsutawney to go hang with your good pal Phil there are still ways to celebrate! Why not get someone a Groundhogz Day card....no one sells them you say? What say you! You are wrong good friend because your favorite neighborhood KU does! Get 'em while they're hawt!

Speaking of getting it while its hot, once again the day before Vday, sometimes affectionately referred to as VD, kicks off National Flirting Week! We're kind of pros at flirting here at KU so this year you're going to get a different mentor to get you through the Hunger Games we call dating...minus all the death....and children...and no one refers to dating as the Hunger Games. But they could!  PS HAPPY ONE YEAR BLOGAVERSARY TO ME! Do we have a card for that? Probz.

Then the next day is good ol' VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Kards Unlimited will be unveiling their ANNUAL VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT LIST!!! Not sure what to get for that special someone? Need the PERFECT card? Need to get someone to find you even slightly desirable? WE CAN DO ALL THAT! So keep posted...or be alone forever...JK!LOLZ!

February 18th is Pluto Day, for all of us planetary fans.

The Pluto formerly known as a planet is pretty great despite its demotion.

February also means one of my favorite times of the year:

  • Babies in cakes
  • Booze
  • Boobz
  • Costumes
  • More cake
  • Parades
  • Beads

It’s Mardi Gras!

Since I sadly won’t be attending this year I will be celebrating…

National Margarita Day on the 22nd!!!!

I won’t be able to get my margaritas to go like I was this time last year but I will most certainly do my part to keep this holiday going. Not sure how to make a good margarita? Come on down to our bar book section and get some help. You won’t regret it, you might not even remember it!

Additionally helping those of us now in New Orleans…

Open that Bottle Night on the 25th!

(Same advice for Margarita Day applies.)

And last BUT MOST CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, its an effing LEAP YEAR this year, which means FEBRUARY 29th EXISTS!! What the what?!

The last time we got to indulge in a 29th of February was in 2008. Am I making that up? I don’t think so! REFRESH your memories of 2008.

Look at this movie poster of leap year starring one of my best friends, Amy Adams, and my husband to be, Matthew Goode.

So kiddos, February is jam-packed and I didn’t even tell you what we’re actually going to be blogging about!

The mystery is so magical!

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TO…..

Ayn Rand: 2th
James Joyce: 2th
George Romero: 4th
Laura Ingalls Wilder: 7th
Charles Dickens: 7th
Seth Green: 8th
John Williams: 8th
Jules Verne: 8th
Thomas Edison: 11th
Judy Blume: 12th
Charles Darwin: 12th
Abraham Lincoln: 12th
Joseph Gordon Levitt: 17th
Alan Rickman: 21th
Anais Nin: 21th
Chopin: 22th
Edna St. Vincent Millay: 22th
Edward Gorey: - 22th
Handel: 23th
Victor Hugo: 26th
Longfellow: 27th

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20 Jan
2012

Warning: This Blog is More Sexual in Nature Than Usual.

And it's Not About Food This Time.

 

Some people like to dip their eggs in their maple syrup at breakfast.
Some people like to salt their apples.
Some people like to watch tv on mute with the closed captioning on.
Some people brush their teeth 8 times a day.
Some people need their socks and their underwear to match.
Some people dont like to wear underwear.
Some people get their jollies from freaky, freaky things.

 

Today is for you my freaky, freaky friends! Tis International fetish day!
So when we think of fetish we think of strange things that people dig sexually whether it be with someone else or by ourselves (we'll get to it being self love month a little later on....) usually with something typically not inherently sexual (but what is inherently sexual??)

 

Let me hit you with the actual definitions of fetish:
a : an object (as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner; broadly :a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence.
b : an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion
c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

2 : a rite or cult of fetish worshipers

3 : fixation

 

Now urbandictionary:

1: A sexual fixation or obsession with a usually non-sexual object. EX. socks, horses, monkeys, pain, bondage.

Holy sh*t those socks really get me turned on because of this sock fetish of mine. *Rubs socks on body*
2: (The good one) A sexual fixation(s) that usually differs from those of the standard population.
In other words, something (sometimes totally unrelated to sex) that turns you on and that isn't enjoyed by the majority of people.
Foot fetishes, Infantilism, Vore, Macro, Furry, Vampirism, Necro, Bondage, Sadism, Masochism, Slavery... The sky's the limit.

 

SO today rather than talking about some of my favorite fetishes Im going to talk about my personal feelings about fetishes mostly because if I talked about fetishes I don't think I would be allowed to post this. This is a family blog you know. I think that everyone has them. Yes, even you missionary man (take that in as many ways as you can) (ha) (see what I did there) (in like-three different ways)(ha, three different ways) (parentheses are fun). There are a few different ways fetishes get played out. In the same way that port cities made it so the gays could find each other back in the day, the interwebs is the new port city. Say you're really into Styrofoam. Or butter. Or gym shorts. Or classical music. Or feet. Or dressing up like a drag queen gummy bear. Or aqua erotics. Or trains. Or deciduous trees. Or wax. Instead of just praying that someday you meet someone who will whip out that Styrofoam mattress you can google it! Or find someone on craigslist who might not be into it but is into you being into it!

There are even conventions now for people like furries! Thank you, PGH. But the moral is that these people probably found each other on the internet. And now its a thing!

So, there are the people who have fetishes that they find their fellow freak-a-leaks on the internet.

 

There are fetishes that people live with and never talk about but partake in when they're indulging in some self love. HAPPY SELF LOVE MONTH! Celebrate as frequently as possible! I know I have been.

 

There are people who marry that special someone because their fetishes match.

 

Then there fetishes that people repress and become harmful to society. I won't be getting into this because it's a happy blog. I also wont be discussing things that border on fetish but are also punishable by law that should not be indulged in. Just don't do it.

 

Then there are the fetishes that people pay people to partake in with them because they are too ashamed to look on the interwebs for other people into it and would rather have hooker-client confidentiality in place.

 

Yes, hooker-client confidentiality is real.

These are the types of fetishes I love.

 

Way back I read a memoir called I am Not Myself These Days. It made me want to become a hooker who specializes in crazy fetishes because most of these fetishes dont involve actually...you know...doing that thing that people associate with that line of work.

 

There were stories of CEOs hiring escorts to lock them in closets and verbally abuse them for days at a time starving them and feeding them drugs and getting RIDIC money to do it.
I can do that! I can feed someone drugs and verbally abuse them! Its just like college!
Just kidding. Maybe.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XllsfAoGLjQ&feature=player_embedded

I feel like I would be pretty great at fetishes involving food. Or just people watching me eat. As long as I only had to eat vegetarian delights and dessert.

 

Or stalking. I could partake in some light or heavy stalking. I was the first to come of age in the facebook generation. We are taught to stalk. How hard can it be do transfer that to real life?

ps HAPPY STALKING MONTH! Enjoy! And if you dont I'll know....

So kids enjoy international fetish day. Go out this weekend and find yourself some lovin that gets your goat. But please don't get a goat.
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