1 May
2012

Kards Unlimited Calendar of Events: May!

It's that time of the month again. You guessed it! Time to learn all about

THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY!

May is one of my favorite months, because it is just jam-packed with some of the best holidays of the year, so let's jump right in.

 

May is Get Caught Reading Month. I'm not sure why you "get caught" reading…Maybe because you are embarrassed by what you are reading. Seeing as how "Fifty Shades of Grey" is so "hot" right now, I think this is a timely holiday. For more reasons than one, because May is also National Masturbation Month! So when you do get caught, you know…reading…you can use your book to hide your shame.

 

Heeeeey Macarena!

May 1st: May Day May Day!

This is one of the most prominent pre-Christian holidays. It just feels like the sort of holiday hobbits celebrate. Although I think I have seen "The Wicker Man" far too many times for this holiday not to creep me out. I see people dressed up like druids, dancing around the Maypole, and I feel certain that the next thing I know I will get stuffed into a large wooden statue filled with farm animals and burned alive…to death.

 

May 1st: Batman Day.

We are always all over Batman Day. We sell a ton of awesome Batman comics, as well as fun Batman products. Since Pittsburgh is the new Gotham City, we are extra excited this year!

 

May 4th: Intergalactic Star Wars Day!!!

May the Fourth be with you. This is both an awesome play on words and a celebration of my favorite movie of all time. I will probably spend the day swinging my sweet lightsaber around and practicing my Twi'lek dialects. Then probably hit the Mos Eisley Cantina to have a frothy, smoking, blue milk-like beverage and get my arm chopped off. I hear it's taco night!

 

Did I mention frosty?

May 5th: Derby Day.

In case you have been living under a rock, Derby Day is when they run the Kentucky Derby. Which means you get all gussied up in spring clothing with either a large fancy hat, or a jaunty hat (for the gentlemen!), and drink delicious frosty mint juleps out of frosty silver cups while you watch some of the most expensive and well-trained animals in the world compete in the first leg of the Triple Crown. It's sort of like the Royal Wedding, but you get to do it every year.

 

May 5th: Cinco de Mayo.

This holiday is on the cinco of Mayo every year. This is not Mexican Independence Day (which is September 16th) but it still commemorates a major step on the way to independence. A good way to think about this holiday is as the Mexican St. Patrick's Day. This means that here in the Estados Unidos, we celebrate the same way we celebrate almost every holiday: By drinking.

May 7-13th: Children's Book Week.

Time to celebrate the magical books from your childhood. There are so many good ones that we need a week to celebrate this. Children's books are our introduction to reading, as well as the fact that there is a world that exists beyond what we can see. We certainly have the best selection of children's book in town, and we are always eager to talk about them. You are never too old for children's books, so stop in and pick up an old classic, or try something new!

 

May 12th: Limerick Day.

On this day we celebrate the birthday of Edward Lear, who popularized the limerick in his Book of Nonsense. This is a five-line poem in AABBA structure, supposedly invented in the Irish town of Limerick, which was also once known as "STAB CITY." Sounds like a charming little town! Being from Stab City, limericks are best when they are crude and vulgar:

Joy, I said. Jump for it.

  • The limerick packs laughs anatomical
  •  In space that is quite economical,
  •  But the good ones I've seen
  •  So seldom are clean,
  •  And the clean ones so seldom are comical.


You're doing it wrong.

May 13th: Mother's Day!!!

This is the big one. The one day a year where you show your mom some respect for giving up her entire life for you. So I think the very least you can do it get her a card, or which we have approximately one jillion. If you want my advice, you may want to get a step above and buy her a ton of actual gifts, of which we have approximately one jillion, and then take her out for a nice brunch (with champagne!).

 

 

May 14th-20th: American Craft Beer Week.

I celebrate this all the time. Its sort of like having National Breathing Oxygen Week, but that doesn't mean we should take it for granted. You should use this week to support your local brewery. Honestly people, its not that hard. Just drink beer! I'm getting a head start on this right now!

 

May 16th: National Sea Monkey Day.

Sea Monkeys are the easiest pet of all time. They are just tiny little brine shrimp in a packet. You just add water and BOOM! Instant pets. Sea Monkeys are one of the few animals that have been to outer space.

 

May 18th: National Pizza Party Day.

This should be a mandatory national holiday. Buildings and offices should be closed. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is more important than a pizza party. Plus, this falls right in the middle of Craft Beer Week, so: Party. Bonus.

Check.

May 25th: Towel Day.

  • "Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."

In Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you should know where your towel is at all times. It is the most useful thing a hitchhiker can have. This is good advice. Carry a towel around all day to show your appreciation for Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

 

May Birthdays:

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1 May
2012

New Beginnings!

We are unleashing a new website onto the world. Don't worry...Our hilarious and insightful commentary on everything under the sun won't be changing. We are just going for a new look. We have many exciting things on the horizon here, so stay tuned here on the blog, and in the store as well, for updates.

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27 Apr
2012

.. – .—-. … / — — .-. … . / -.-. — -.. . / -.. .- -.– (Translation: It’s Morse Code Day)

.... .. / - .... . .-. . .-.-.- / .. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - .. -. --. / - .... .. ... --..-- / -.-. --- -. --. .-. .- - ..- .-.. .- - .. --- -. ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / -- -.-- / -. . .-- / -... . ... - / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .- .-- . ... --- -- . / .- -. -.. / -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. . - . .-.. -.-- / ... .--. . -.-. .. .- .-.. / .- -. -.. / .. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / .. .----. -- / ... ..- .--. . .-. / ... . .-. .. --- ..- ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / - .... . / -... . ... - / - .... .. -. --. / . ...- . .-. / .- -. -.. / -.. --- -. .----. - / .-.. . - / .- -. -.-- --- -. . / - . .-.. .-.. / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. ..-. ..-. . .-. . -. - .-.. -.-- .-.-.- / .. ..-. / .. / .... .- -.. / .- / ..- -. .. -.-. --- .-. -. --..-- / .. .----. -.. / - --- - .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-.. . - / -.-- --- ..- / .--. . - / .. - .-.-.- / -.-. .... ..- -.-. -.- / -. --- .-. .-. .. ... / - .... .. -. -.- ... / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / .- .-- . ... --- -- . / - --- --- --..-- / .- -. -.. / -.-. .... ..- -.-. -.- / -. --- .-. .-. .. ... / .. ... / .- / .... .- .-. -.. / -- .- -. / - --- / .. -- .--. .-. . ... ... .-.-.-

'My name is Morse and I cannot lie, you other telegrapher's can't deny'

Today is Morse Code Day, in honor of Samuel Morse. In 1835, he proved that signals could be transmitted by wire. FACT: the first telegraph message was 'What hath God wrought', which was sent from the Supreme Court chamber all the way to a railway depot in Baltimore on May 24, 1844. This was a communication break though. No longer did people have to wait months for the family gossip from their cousins in California. This was like going from dial-up to wi-fi (Do you even remember dial-up? Did I just date myself? Ah, nuts.)

SOS. Remember this. It could save your life.

Morse code is pretty popular among amateur radio operators. An advantage of Morse code for transmitting over radio waves is that it is able to be received over poor signal conditions that would make voice communications impossible. Pilots, airtraffic controllers, naval ships all use morse code. Pittsburgh got into the act, flashing 'PITTSBURGH' in red neon on top of the Grant building ever since 1929. However, at some point (and no one knows when) a few typos slipped in... which was noticed in 2009! Who knows how long we we actually flashing 'PITETSBKRRH'! AND THEN, only a few days later, it was flashing 'TPEBTSAURGH'! I don't know what it's flashing now, I'm too afraid to look! Way to go, Pittsburgh. Way. To. Go. *Sigh*

Did you translate the code at the top of the blog? Translate the coded message with this! or if you're lazy, use this(Though if you're lazy, the contents of the message doesn't apply to you... sorry, but them's the breaks)

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24 Apr
2012

Grab your popcorn – it’s Movie Theater Day!

The sound of kernels being popped, the candy, the bright lights, the posters, the over-priced concession products. Yes, it's the movie theater!

Going to the movies has always been a kind of magical experience for me. Being able to put everything on hold for two hours while letting a suspension of disbelief take me anywhere from Middle Earth to A Galaxy Far, Far Away, is for me, the ultimate, kick-ass storytelling experience. That is unless you get a totally stinker of a movie. I know what you're thinking, "How can I prevent such a catastrophe from happening?". Keep calm. It just so happens that there are books that can help you! Did I say books? I did. Turns out there are books about movies, and they can help you decide what movies will change your life forever, and which movies will cause your eyes to bleed. Since there's a lot of middle ground between those two things you'd better pick up the book.

Turns out books and movies go together way more then I thought. Surprised? As was I. Not only are some movies based on popular books cough* The Hunger Games, Drive, Twilight, Eragon cough*. Some books are even about a movie that was based on book. After you re-read that last sentence and wrap your brain around it let me show you what I mean. For instance...

Harry Potter reminds me of yet another great part about going to the theater to see a movie. If it's popular enough, you get to see the hard-core fans donning their character costumes. These people make living worth it. But where would one acquire such articles of clothing? Look no further.

Sure, people in costume are fun to look at, but it's not the most eye-catching spectacle at a movie theater. That title is going to have to go the movie poster. Again, I'm a total sucker for movie posters and have spent more money acquiring them then I'd like to think about. Worth it? Probably not. Does it make my room look cool? Absolutely. Does it get me laid? So far no, but maybe the right girl hasn't seen them yet. Ladies.....

It's actually quite amazing how movie posters have evolved over the years. What's that? We have a book on movie posters! You've gotta be kidding me.

What's left to say about movie theater? Only the best part of a movie. The trailers. I don't know about you but I hate being late for a movie because I love watching the trailers. It's every one's opportunity to see what comes next, then instantly turn to your friend and make snide comments. And just to save you some time here's a trailer that covers all the bases.

I'm going to see a movie today and you should to! So grab your credit card (you'll need it), buy some popcorn, turn off your cell phone, sit back and enjoy the show.

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23 Apr
2012

Canker Blossoms Get Ye Tongue in Order – It’s Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

It hath been proclaimed! Today, cousins, is Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

Whether you're actually a fan of old Willy the bard or you know how to add "eth" to the end of all your verbs and call it "old english" today can be a fun day for you. Who doesn't want to flounce around saying things in a fake British accent and pulling out words that you think sound old and throwing them around! Without you even knowing it, you probably talk like Shakespeare to an extent every day of your life!

  • Dead as a door nail.
  • As luck would have it.
  • Fight fire with fire.
  • Fancy free.
  • In a pickle.

All stuff that guy said! Then there are some movies that you love and watch over and over again that talk like Shakespeare if you need some inspiration today.

Based on the Taming of the Shrew. They don't talk like Shakespeare all the time but they throw some good lines in there.

Romeo + Juliet. What's better than Leo, Claire Danes and John Leguizamo all speaking like Shakespeare plus lots of neon, gun fights, drugs and pool makeout scenes? THE ANSWER IS NOTHING. There is nothing better. Watch this right now if you haven't.

FUN FACT! We have 8 billion Shakespeare related products. Most of them filthy.

One of the best parts about talk like Shakespeare day is that homeboy was filthy and mean. He made up some of the harshest most creative insults and talked about sex in every way imaginable. Walk up to someone and ask them to make the beast with two backs with you and see if they get it. If not, at least you get it. And really amusing ourselves is the whole point in life.

Play with your Shakespeare action figure!

Not only is this the truest. It is also in tshirt form.

Start your day by learning lots and lots of ways to insult people in ways they won't understand. It's like like cursing someone in another language. Only this is better because you'll feel even smarter and it's in english and nothing is better than insulting someone AND confusing them with their own language!

In addition to being dirrty and witty as all hell, our pal Willy was also quite the romantic. He kind of wrote THE definitive love story that almost everything is based on. Good job, Shakespeare way to make the rest of us look bad.

"Arthur Phillips’s father is a two-bit forger and con artist, but, still, when he claims to have discovered a lost Shakespeare play, Arthur believes him. At first." DUN DUN DUN!

Shakespeare magnetic finger puppets are all the rage! Walk around with this guy on your finger all day while you're talking like Shakespeare and you can get a free ride to that padded room you've always wanted !

Would we be Kards Unlimited without our share of Shakespeare related cards? No, we would just be called Kards. Because we wouldn't be unlimited. Or even worse. We might just be called "Cards". With a C. I shudder at the thought!

So go out today and get your Shakespeare on!

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20 Apr
2012

Holidaze- It’s 420 Captain! Get on this Spaceship!

"What's this 4/20?" my grandmother asked me in her innocent, grandmotherly way. I pondered a moment, wondering how one explains to their grandmother, a counterculture holiday dedicated to celebrating and consuming marijuana. So, I just told her.

...and gave her a joint

"Isn't that illegal?" she questions. The simple answer is yes.

In the eyes of the law aka "The Man", marijuana is indeed deemed illegal. Although in the last two decades the sticky green bud (marijuana), has infiltrated it's way to an almost social norm status. It's not at all uncommon to see weed related products such as books, posters, tins, candles, or even a marijuana leaf plush named Highdy, sold in stores (like ours, wink wink) all over the place!

What is Highdy stuffed with you ask? Come in and find out!

Woah, I just had a G-R-E-A-T idea. What if like, in heaven, everyone gets a bat-mobile! Would that mean that God is a socialist? Did you ever notice the word bed looks like a friggin' bed?! Am I off topic? Do I have a bong? Is it's name the syndicate? What's with all the questions? Did you hear that? We really need to keep it down. Are my eyes red? What was I doing? Blogging, right, blogging!

classic stoners

So, as many of my fellow employees know I'm a big movie fan. Big meaning I go to school and study movies (Yes, you can actually go to school for that). So usually on April 20th I like to watch some of my favorite stoner films with my favorite stoner characters. You want to know who they are!? Well, there are dozens of great stoner movies out there, but my top three recommendations,"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", because nothing will blow your baked mind out of the water like a drug induced tale generated from the mind of Hunter S. Thompson. "The Big Lebowski", the Dude, he abides. Finally, because I feel obligated, any of the "Cheech and Chong" movies, because they're the classic stoners. However, if you're jonesing for more reefer flicks you should check out a book I was very excited to find in our store. "Reefer Movie Madness: The Ultimate Stoner Film Guide". Yeah, It's exactly what it says it is and it's awesome.

more where this came from...

If you're still looking for activities to perform during this joyous holiday you could always BAKE yourself a treat. Why did I capitalize the word bake you ask? Because you can bake your pot right into a delicious baked good treat. So when you get the munchies you can satisfy your hunger with a chocolate brownie and keep your 4/20 going strong by ingesting more mary jane. I know, my head almost exploded too. It's like some kind of crazy stoner paradox.

Side note: I've been sitting here with my dog for a while and I'm pretty sure it can read my thoughts. Or maybe my thoughts just think my dog can read them.

He knows where I keep my stash.

 

So I need to get one of these awesome tins since that plastic bag is a little more conspicuous than I would hope. Because if it says marijuana or weed on it it's like reverse psychology and no one will think there's actually weed in it! Right? Unless they reverse my reverse psychology.

Back on track. For those of you who dig poetry I dug up (see what I did there with dig and dug, pretty cool, right?) a poem about 4/20. Dr. Seuss would be proud.

I was asleep in my bed, and then I awoke
I looked at the date, today I will toke.
I snatched up my pipe, and grabbed all my tree,
Then I got dressed and found my car key.
I drove to the park,
sat alone in the dark,
and now I can't lie.
I'm utterly high.

Okay, so it's not Robert Frost, but have a happy 4/20, and don't bogart that joint. Just remember in the words of Mr. Matthew McConaughey if you don't have a joint "You'd be cooler if you did".

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19 Apr
2012

We Want to Get to Know You!

In the words of G Unit: We wanna get to know ya!

It's get to know your customers day and we re all about our customers at KU! Most days you come into the store you find out lots about our staff even if you don't want to.

You find out that we love the funk music and we know all the words even if we weren't even a thought when the songs we are singing behind the counter came out. You find out how violently we support soy products and other opinions via the blog.

Our favorite books.

What we're eating for lunch.

Our love of certain authors.

What tshirt we would buy if we were you.

Then you get to know us through our crazy conversations over the walkie talkies that we have on us at all times...

BUT! Today it's your turn! We want to know about YOU! Tell us things about yourself! Your dirty dirty secrets.

50 Shades of Grey anyone?

That you have a crush on one of our employees!

Or maybe just something silly like the fact you dip your french fries in your milkshakes!

Anything you want to tell us about yourself, we want to hear about it! So comment. Or come on in and put your secrets or fun facts in our box! Yes we have a box of secrets!

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23 Mar
2012

Aaaaaalyson – Yes I Just Sang That Out Loud With Desperation.

Today is a day that should be a nationalinternational, galaxy-wide holiday that results in a day off to properly observe it. How does one observe this holiday? What the hell am I talking about? Oh wait - you don't know what today is? Let me get you hip to it, ya dig? It's Alyson Hannigan's 38th birthday!!! We will observe said holiday by watching as many Alyson Hannigan films/tv series/tv spots/funny videos as humanly possible. Why are we celebrating the birth of Alyson Hannigan with such fervor and delight? Why WOULDN'T we be celebrating the birth of one of the most glorious gifts the human race/the earth has has ever known?!? Yes, she is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever grace the tube. Yes, she is surrounded by hilarious and wonderful people constantly. Yes, she has serious connections to Joss Whedon. Yes, she, her daughter and her husband make the cutest family known to creepy paparazzi photos. Yes, she owns her profession. Yes, she is stunningly beautiful but can also be adorable too. Yes, her eyes and smile have been charged with murdering me and countless others. I wasn't always on this eight fold path. I wasn't so enlightened.

Once upon a time there was a stubborn, clueless, obstinate girl. This girl went to college a heterosexual. Once she arrived she found that many of her new collegiate mates were not so hetero. They had pictures on their walls of lady folk . How bold! How new! How gay!  Some pictures that were fairly universal on these new friends' doors and walls looked like this:

I won't continue with more of these pictures because this is a family blog, but needless to say I was intrigued and I was also seeing a pattern. LL Cool Alyson. Once I came to the dark side I refused to be one of "those" girls. The ones who were obsessed with Alyson Hannigan. I was not going to be a vegetarian. I was not going to cut my hair. I was not going to give up my heels and makeup and I was NOT going to like Alyson Hannigan. So stereotypical.

Yes, she may have been in other movies that I enjoyed as a youth. Yes, those movies may have been favorites because they gave me some funny feelings in my stomach. But, I always attributed this to the fact that Jason Biggs was also usually in these movies. STILL one of my other celebrity crushes. Fast forward to 2010. I'm poor, back from living abroad, living in my parents house for a few weeks with no car, no money and nothing to do. I decided I was going to watch the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer series on netflix.

Fast forward to me circa now . My hair is short. I've been a vegetarian since 2007. I finally came out. And after watching the entire Buffy series I am in love with Alyson Hannigan.  Or I guess I'm in love with Willow Rosenberg. Though, I'm sure there are many reasons to be in love with the birthday gal. Some reasons could be:

  • she is half jewish, half irish. Two of my favorite kinds of people.
  • she has a degree in psychology. nom.
  • shes used to be vegan before she started popping out bebes
  • she is a godmother to one of joss whedon's children
  • everything she ever says or does on her twitter
  • Willow Rosenberg from Buffy
  • American Pie and that there flute
  • My Step Mother is an Alien - oh hello Seth Green too
  • This funnyordie video 
  • She's friends with Felicia Day all my Dr. Horrible fans
  • Everything she says or does in her career gives everyone with half a brain a whopping nerdgasm
  • She's a fantastic actress
  • What? She was one of the first gay ladies on a show who wasn't Ellen? One of the first gay lead characters? One of the first lesbian lead couples on tv was Willow and Tara?Some of the best kisses? Kennedy was hot too? Ten years ago? Not Katy Perry ratings vulture gay? Just regular no big deal gay? That's pretty neato!

So I told myself I wasn't going to make this a Buffy blog which was a very dangerous possibility since that is the character of hers that I fell madly in geek love with. And I haven't.

Some of you Alyson Hannigan fans might be noticing there is nothing of what gives her her current fame. How I Met Your Mother.

Alyson Hannigan. Neil Patrick Harris. Jason Segel?? This sounds like the greatest thing to ever happen! A trio of awesomeness in one sitcom! The truth is I think I've only seen one episode. I didn't like the pacing. I didn't thin it was funny. I don't do well with sitcoms unless it's the Golden Girls. But I was hasty and remember I'm obstinate. So Im going to actually watch it because after Buffy I had a serious void in my life. And I bet its actually good. How could it not be?

Happy Birthday Alyson Hannigan. We think you're rad.

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