23 Apr

Canker Blossoms Get Ye Tongue in Order – It’s Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

It hath been proclaimed! Today, cousins, is Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

Whether you're actually a fan of old Willy the bard or you know how to add "eth" to the end of all your verbs and call it "old english" today can be a fun day for you. Who doesn't want to flounce around saying things in a fake British accent and pulling out words that you think sound old and throwing them around! Without you even knowing it, you probably talk like Shakespeare to an extent every day of your life!

  • Dead as a door nail.
  • As luck would have it.
  • Fight fire with fire.
  • Fancy free.
  • In a pickle.

All stuff that guy said! Then there are some movies that you love and watch over and over again that talk like Shakespeare if you need some inspiration today.

Based on the Taming of the Shrew. They don't talk like Shakespeare all the time but they throw some good lines in there.

Romeo + Juliet. What's better than Leo, Claire Danes and John Leguizamo all speaking like Shakespeare plus lots of neon, gun fights, drugs and pool makeout scenes? THE ANSWER IS NOTHING. There is nothing better. Watch this right now if you haven't.

FUN FACT! We have 8 billion Shakespeare related products. Most of them filthy.

One of the best parts about talk like Shakespeare day is that homeboy was filthy and mean. He made up some of the harshest most creative insults and talked about sex in every way imaginable. Walk up to someone and ask them to make the beast with two backs with you and see if they get it. If not, at least you get it. And really amusing ourselves is the whole point in life.

Play with your Shakespeare action figure!

Not only is this the truest. It is also in tshirt form.

Start your day by learning lots and lots of ways to insult people in ways they won't understand. It's like like cursing someone in another language. Only this is better because you'll feel even smarter and it's in english and nothing is better than insulting someone AND confusing them with their own language!

In addition to being dirrty and witty as all hell, our pal Willy was also quite the romantic. He kind of wrote THE definitive love story that almost everything is based on. Good job, Shakespeare way to make the rest of us look bad.

"Arthur Phillips’s father is a two-bit forger and con artist, but, still, when he claims to have discovered a lost Shakespeare play, Arthur believes him. At first." DUN DUN DUN!

Shakespeare magnetic finger puppets are all the rage! Walk around with this guy on your finger all day while you're talking like Shakespeare and you can get a free ride to that padded room you've always wanted !

Would we be Kards Unlimited without our share of Shakespeare related cards? No, we would just be called Kards. Because we wouldn't be unlimited. Or even worse. We might just be called "Cards". With a C. I shudder at the thought!

So go out today and get your Shakespeare on!

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20 Apr

Holidaze- It’s 420 Captain! Get on this Spaceship!

"What's this 4/20?" my grandmother asked me in her innocent, grandmotherly way. I pondered a moment, wondering how one explains to their grandmother, a counterculture holiday dedicated to celebrating and consuming marijuana. So, I just told her.

...and gave her a joint

"Isn't that illegal?" she questions. The simple answer is yes.

In the eyes of the law aka "The Man", marijuana is indeed deemed illegal. Although in the last two decades the sticky green bud (marijuana), has infiltrated it's way to an almost social norm status. It's not at all uncommon to see weed related products such as books, posters, tins, candles, or even a marijuana leaf plush named Highdy, sold in stores (like ours, wink wink) all over the place!

What is Highdy stuffed with you ask? Come in and find out!

Woah, I just had a G-R-E-A-T idea. What if like, in heaven, everyone gets a bat-mobile! Would that mean that God is a socialist? Did you ever notice the word bed looks like a friggin' bed?! Am I off topic? Do I have a bong? Is it's name the syndicate? What's with all the questions? Did you hear that? We really need to keep it down. Are my eyes red? What was I doing? Blogging, right, blogging!

classic stoners

So, as many of my fellow employees know I'm a big movie fan. Big meaning I go to school and study movies (Yes, you can actually go to school for that). So usually on April 20th I like to watch some of my favorite stoner films with my favorite stoner characters. You want to know who they are!? Well, there are dozens of great stoner movies out there, but my top three recommendations,"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", because nothing will blow your baked mind out of the water like a drug induced tale generated from the mind of Hunter S. Thompson. "The Big Lebowski", the Dude, he abides. Finally, because I feel obligated, any of the "Cheech and Chong" movies, because they're the classic stoners. However, if you're jonesing for more reefer flicks you should check out a book I was very excited to find in our store. "Reefer Movie Madness: The Ultimate Stoner Film Guide". Yeah, It's exactly what it says it is and it's awesome.

more where this came from...

If you're still looking for activities to perform during this joyous holiday you could always BAKE yourself a treat. Why did I capitalize the word bake you ask? Because you can bake your pot right into a delicious baked good treat. So when you get the munchies you can satisfy your hunger with a chocolate brownie and keep your 4/20 going strong by ingesting more mary jane. I know, my head almost exploded too. It's like some kind of crazy stoner paradox.

Side note: I've been sitting here with my dog for a while and I'm pretty sure it can read my thoughts. Or maybe my thoughts just think my dog can read them.

He knows where I keep my stash.


So I need to get one of these awesome tins since that plastic bag is a little more conspicuous than I would hope. Because if it says marijuana or weed on it it's like reverse psychology and no one will think there's actually weed in it! Right? Unless they reverse my reverse psychology.

Back on track. For those of you who dig poetry I dug up (see what I did there with dig and dug, pretty cool, right?) a poem about 4/20. Dr. Seuss would be proud.

I was asleep in my bed, and then I awoke
I looked at the date, today I will toke.
I snatched up my pipe, and grabbed all my tree,
Then I got dressed and found my car key.
I drove to the park,
sat alone in the dark,
and now I can't lie.
I'm utterly high.

Okay, so it's not Robert Frost, but have a happy 4/20, and don't bogart that joint. Just remember in the words of Mr. Matthew McConaughey if you don't have a joint "You'd be cooler if you did".

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19 Apr

We Want to Get to Know You!

In the words of G Unit: We wanna get to know ya!

It's get to know your customers day and we re all about our customers at KU! Most days you come into the store you find out lots about our staff even if you don't want to.

You find out that we love the funk music and we know all the words even if we weren't even a thought when the songs we are singing behind the counter came out. You find out how violently we support soy products and other opinions via the blog.

Our favorite books.

What we're eating for lunch.

Our love of certain authors.

What tshirt we would buy if we were you.

Then you get to know us through our crazy conversations over the walkie talkies that we have on us at all times...

BUT! Today it's your turn! We want to know about YOU! Tell us things about yourself! Your dirty dirty secrets.

50 Shades of Grey anyone?

That you have a crush on one of our employees!

Or maybe just something silly like the fact you dip your french fries in your milkshakes!

Anything you want to tell us about yourself, we want to hear about it! So comment. Or come on in and put your secrets or fun facts in our box! Yes we have a box of secrets!

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23 Mar

Aaaaaalyson – Yes I Just Sang That Out Loud With Desperation.

Today is a day that should be a nationalinternational, galaxy-wide holiday that results in a day off to properly observe it. How does one observe this holiday? What the hell am I talking about? Oh wait - you don't know what today is? Let me get you hip to it, ya dig? It's Alyson Hannigan's 38th birthday!!! We will observe said holiday by watching as many Alyson Hannigan films/tv series/tv spots/funny videos as humanly possible. Why are we celebrating the birth of Alyson Hannigan with such fervor and delight? Why WOULDN'T we be celebrating the birth of one of the most glorious gifts the human race/the earth has has ever known?!? Yes, she is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever grace the tube. Yes, she is surrounded by hilarious and wonderful people constantly. Yes, she has serious connections to Joss Whedon. Yes, she, her daughter and her husband make the cutest family known to creepy paparazzi photos. Yes, she owns her profession. Yes, she is stunningly beautiful but can also be adorable too. Yes, her eyes and smile have been charged with murdering me and countless others. I wasn't always on this eight fold path. I wasn't so enlightened.

Once upon a time there was a stubborn, clueless, obstinate girl. This girl went to college a heterosexual. Once she arrived she found that many of her new collegiate mates were not so hetero. They had pictures on their walls of lady folk . How bold! How new! How gay!  Some pictures that were fairly universal on these new friends' doors and walls looked like this:

I won't continue with more of these pictures because this is a family blog, but needless to say I was intrigued and I was also seeing a pattern. LL Cool Alyson. Once I came to the dark side I refused to be one of "those" girls. The ones who were obsessed with Alyson Hannigan. I was not going to be a vegetarian. I was not going to cut my hair. I was not going to give up my heels and makeup and I was NOT going to like Alyson Hannigan. So stereotypical.

Yes, she may have been in other movies that I enjoyed as a youth. Yes, those movies may have been favorites because they gave me some funny feelings in my stomach. But, I always attributed this to the fact that Jason Biggs was also usually in these movies. STILL one of my other celebrity crushes. Fast forward to 2010. I'm poor, back from living abroad, living in my parents house for a few weeks with no car, no money and nothing to do. I decided I was going to watch the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer series on netflix.

Fast forward to me circa now . My hair is short. I've been a vegetarian since 2007. I finally came out. And after watching the entire Buffy series I am in love with Alyson Hannigan.  Or I guess I'm in love with Willow Rosenberg. Though, I'm sure there are many reasons to be in love with the birthday gal. Some reasons could be:

  • she is half jewish, half irish. Two of my favorite kinds of people.
  • she has a degree in psychology. nom.
  • shes used to be vegan before she started popping out bebes
  • she is a godmother to one of joss whedon's children
  • everything she ever says or does on her twitter
  • Willow Rosenberg from Buffy
  • American Pie and that there flute
  • My Step Mother is an Alien - oh hello Seth Green too
  • This funnyordie video 
  • She's friends with Felicia Day all my Dr. Horrible fans
  • Everything she says or does in her career gives everyone with half a brain a whopping nerdgasm
  • She's a fantastic actress
  • What? She was one of the first gay ladies on a show who wasn't Ellen? One of the first gay lead characters? One of the first lesbian lead couples on tv was Willow and Tara?Some of the best kisses? Kennedy was hot too? Ten years ago? Not Katy Perry ratings vulture gay? Just regular no big deal gay? That's pretty neato!

So I told myself I wasn't going to make this a Buffy blog which was a very dangerous possibility since that is the character of hers that I fell madly in geek love with. And I haven't.

Some of you Alyson Hannigan fans might be noticing there is nothing of what gives her her current fame. How I Met Your Mother.

Alyson Hannigan. Neil Patrick Harris. Jason Segel?? This sounds like the greatest thing to ever happen! A trio of awesomeness in one sitcom! The truth is I think I've only seen one episode. I didn't like the pacing. I didn't thin it was funny. I don't do well with sitcoms unless it's the Golden Girls. But I was hasty and remember I'm obstinate. So Im going to actually watch it because after Buffy I had a serious void in my life. And I bet its actually good. How could it not be?

Happy Birthday Alyson Hannigan. We think you're rad.

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22 Mar

Employee Spirit Month! The Unbearable Lightness of Kards.

March is Employee Spirit Month, and I am here to celebrate. No matter what I complain about, and my complaints are legion, I love my job. I go to work in the morning, barely awake and chugging coffee (with or without a shot of espresso.) I don’t want to wake up for a morning shift; I don’t want to stay until 9:30 to close. But when I’m at work I’m happy. Because there is joy in my job. I don’t help the poor, I don’t fix the large wrongs, but I pay my bills and I do it at a place that allows me happiness. We get to listen to the bizarre dreams of our boss like kids during storytime. We get to have the geekiest conversations with our customers. We get to say things like, "I drank Captain's in honor of the pirate octopus". "Fish head lollipops, now good for pointing". We get to discuss Hunger Games, Glee, Russian politics and little known facts while we work. We whistle. We sing. We made unintelligible sounds.

Think of Carly, who may be the angriest 90 pound woman I have ever met. Think of her joy in collecting and digesting the vastness of Kards. She revels in grasping the entirety of our store and is particularly talented for it. And she, like I, finds joy in attaching pricing stickers to 24 temporary tattoos in just under 6 seconds.

Jill, the external voice and the internal rock of our store. She engineers the punch-drunk swagger of Kards Unlimited, and does it right.

Blair is to me the Calm Down and the Be Cool, the 5-year veteran non-plussed by daily turbulence.

Have you met Michael Plotz? He belongs here; I can’t think of a better way to describe it. He is in the employee you need. He is the presence you need. Unflappable, excited, pleased, horrifyingly over-competent.  How does he smile so sweetly all of the time?

I would like to share an image of Jessi. The 70s station is playing on the radio in early January, during the distinct hangover of the Christmas season. There we are, Jessi and I at 8p.m., standing behind the counter exhausted. Then a song comes on, I don’t remember which one nor do I care. Suddenly we start popping out our hips along with the rhythm and giggling. Because dancing is always better than standing still.

Mary is our moxy, and our crazy. She is the living end of Kards Unlimited, because screw you if you don’t understand how much fun there is to be had, be it a lively discussion of the merits of atheism or a comprehensive outline of why, when, and where there will be butts punched.

I will say nothing of Chris; there is nothing to add to his bizarrely positive energy and comprehensive knowledge of lyrics from 1965 to 1983, which he employs in a zen-like cheerfulness. He was born in 1990.

And Sarah, our newest coworker. The youngest, the smiliest, true, but as batshit as the rest of us in her own beautiful, subtle way. There aren't any real pictures of Sarah. We'll get there.

Employee spirit. Try to doubt me.

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15 Mar

St. Pats: What You Need For Culturally Acceptable Day Drinking Day!

Sit down folks and let this lady leprechaun tell ye a story of the world and of magical days and then maybe if you're lucky - marshmallows.

March 17 marks the only day where everyone- no matter what their age, color, creed, or anything else that makes people different, come together.  For one day, one universal set of beliefs unite everyone in merriment and celebration . That day, my little friends, is St. Patrick's Day. When everyone is Irish, especially if you aren't! The day we celebrate St. Patrick...and uh...Irish things. Parades. Dying things green. And eating and drinking to excess. And did I mention everything green? And drinking? I said drinking already?

St. Patrick's Day has become synonymous with dying rivers green, kiss me I'm Irish, green beer, drunk texting, Shamrock Shakes, and day drinking in a way that is typically reserved for the unemployed, people who are Irish year round, and alcoholics (redundant)- but today is deemed completely acceptable for everyone! Festive, even!

We at KU understand how important this (unofficial) holiday is to all of you and want you to be prepared per usual! Here is a list of everything you're going to need to survive!

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Drink responsibly.

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12 Mar

Life, The Universe, and Everything.

The story so far:

One of the best opening lines of a book, EVER! You wanna fight about it?

The above quote is from the beginning of a little book call The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the second book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series, written by Douglas Adams. In case you didn't know, this man is one of my favorite authors. His blending of wit, schadenfreude, and off-the-wall characters has been pretty much unmatched. He passed away at the age of 49 in 2001. March 11th would have been his 60th birthday.

Douglas Adams: inventor of the Infinite Improbability Drive, Deep Thought, and The Babel Fish

We sell this book!

Not only did Adams write the Hitchhiker series, he is also the author of the Dirk Gently series, co-wrote The Meaning of Liff, AND wrote 3 episodes of Dr. Who!  DR. WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! To top it all of, he developed Hitchhikers Guide into a radio series, television mini-series, computer game, and finally the movie project. I know a bunch of people disliked the movie because it came out after Adams had passed, and they felt that it wasn't up to his standards, but I loved it! Sam Rockwell as Zaphod, BRILLANT! Mos Def as Ford, WHO KNEW HE'D BE THAT AWESOME WITH A TOWEL! Martin Freeman IS Arthur Dent, and Zooey Deschanel as Trillian isfuzzy kitten cuteness. Bill Nighy and John Malcovich make appearances, and ALAN RICKMAN IS THE VOICE OF MARVIN!!!! HOW CAN YOU DENY THIS MOVIE?!?!?

A year or so ago, the 6th installment to the Hitchhikers "trilogy" came out. Prior to his death, Adam's felt the need to continue the story, saying, "I would love to finish Hitchhiker on a slightly more upbeat note, so five seems the wrong kind of number; six is a better kind of number." After he passed, it was announced that Eion Colfer, author of Artemis Fowl series, would take the reigns. And so And Another Thing... came into being. I'll be honest, when I first finished the book, I didn't care for it that much. I had become one of those people who thought that if Douglas couldn't do it, then I wasn't interested. A good friend prodded me to re-read it with an open mind, and re-read it I did. AND I LOVED IT! Good job, Mr. Colfer. Good job, indeed.

We sell this book too!

So, on March 11th, celebrate the man who brought some odd-ball humor into the world. Grab a book, curl up with some tea, and enjoy. Just make sure you have your towel.

I'm just going to leave this here:

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-decended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

The planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most were largely concerned with with the movemnet of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should have ever left the oceans.

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8 Mar

Don’t Player Hate – Appreciate!

How frequently do you really tell someone or something that you appreciate what they bring yo your life? That there are things about them that you treasure. You can appreciate anything and today you should take the time to stop and think about it. Whether or not what you appreciate has the ability to listen or read , it can still feel. Or maybe this is just a good exercise in remembering that there are things that you appreciate.

p.s. its called writing a letter for a reason. It involves a paper and pen, ass-clown.

Dear iPhone,
Even though I'm moving closer and closer to disconnecting my internet, stopping use of my email and in time even getting rid of you and moving into a teepee in the woods I want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate the way you let me see the people I love while I'm talking to them. I love the way you saved Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. I love the way you let me photograph anything I want, whenever I want. I appreciate you for the way you let me listen to music for free. Check up on my friend's blogs. The way you show me maps of where I am and make it so I never feel lost. The way I can google whatever I want at any moment. The way you don't block porn. Even though I think you're recording all of my thoughts and selling them to Apple and giving the government my coordinates at all time, I appreciate you.

Dear women,
Despite thinking that you (we) are all insane I appreciate you. I appreciate your anatomy. Your soft skin. Your lady smell. Your ability to cuddle that is only matched by some pets. Your beauty. I appreciate the way your crazy keeps me going. I appreciate your passive aggressive nature because as much as I hate it, it amuses me and makes me love you. I appreciate you for giving birth to me and for being complicated. I appreciate that you're hot too. I appreciate that you have the ability to have children and start wars. Trojan ones.

Dear tea,
I appreciate you more than words can express. I appreciate your gentle notes. Your varied flavors Your steamy nature. The way you make me feel whole.

Dear Bonnie Raitt,
I appreciate your ginger hair. I appreciate you for writing songs that strike me in my heart even if they sound cheesy or outdated. I appreciate that you sang I Can't Make You Love Me so I can play it on repeat. And then when I start to judge myself for listening to it on repeat I can listen to someone like Alison Iraheta or Bon Iver cover it and feel like Im listening to something different.

Dear Pittsburgh,
Despite people thinking we don't like each other I don't feel like that's being true or fair to ourselves. I appreciate the way you make me not take the sun for granted even if I hate you for not giving me enough of it. I appreciate your small town, lack of pretension feel but with the benefits of a city even if I like to tell you that you aren't a real city. I appreciate your quirks and obsession with sports teams. I won't hate Red Sox fans when I go home next time. I'm lying. If I have to ride the T with them I will still hate them but I will remember year round Steelers fans and smile. I appreciate the way you get me drunk for 6 dollars- that's two drinks. I love your night life. I appreciate the people you've brought to me. I appreciate your white people and how silly they are and how they all  own Prius' and go out to brunch. I appreciate how many vegetarian restaurants you have and your appreciation and love of art. I appreciate that you make me walk places. I appreciate all your bridges. And Mr. Rogers. And museums.

Dear nose,
I never appreciate you enough. You help me make memories. And when you're stuffed up how you are today I realize how much you do without me noticing. Come back. I love you.

Dear 70s station at work,
I appreciate you. You make me feel at home. Or like Im a cast member in Dazed and Confused. thanks.


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