What if man had the ability to travel through time? Would you change world events? See the future of the human race? Become a great , and powerful entrepreneur? Or just really screw with people’s heads? We’re all for the latter, which is why we’re celebrating Pretend to Be a Time Traveller Day!
This is heavy!
I know what you’re thinking, how do you get people to believe you’ve travelled from a distant future through space and time to bring tidings of destruction or joy? It’s easy, as long as you target a complete stranger, or maybe an uncle who’s not too bright and liqoured up a bit, probably your uncle Bill.
Step 1. Dress eccentrically.
Or, for the bold, dress in nothing at all…
..or the ”well endowed”.
Step 2. Know your made up future.
Is it Orwellian? Run by Morlocks? Self aware machines have taken over and force humans to act as batteries? Has the rapture been set upon us? The more details you add the better.
Step 3. Have an impressive looking device available if possible.
Shock and Awe.
Step 4. Do LOTS of running and screaming.
Example. Run down a crowded street in your eccentric clothing, with your impressive device asking casual pedestrians what year/month it is, who’s president, has the devastating ice storm/overthrow of third world countries by gorillas happened yet, etc. Revel in the success of your time travelling, then warn said pedestrian of the impending doom of your made up future. Then briskly run off insisting they prepare themselves and that you must reach [insert name here] at the oval office.
Step 5. FOR THE ADVANCED ONLY.
Find someone who either looks thirty years your senior or younger, and well, there’s a lot of fun to be had there.
Step 6. Have Fun!
Lurking in the shadows. Disguised as people you don’t know. Hanging from ceiling by their toes and throwing shuriken. Ninjas are the shit. And pretty much everybody agrees. To the point where it was like a fad and annoying for a minute. But the internet world goes on and I flipping love ninjas still.
December 5th is Ninja Day, or Day of the Ninja if you like, and is a day to celebrate the shinobi (Japanese for ninja, duh.) And no matter how you feel about Naruto (*cough* garbage *coughcough*) anybody can have a good time with Ninja Day. This is a day wear it’s acceptable and encouraged to ninja around your regualar life. Wear a ninja mask all day. Sneak around behind your coworkers and see how long it takes them to notice. Let them know how many times and in how many ways you could have killed them while doing so. I’m just spit ballin’ here. But you don’t have to hide your ninja identity. You can silently shout it from the rooftops on December 5th.
What’s crazy is that, even though our society is in love with the ninja, he (or she sometimes) was historically very sparse in mention. Japan has always been about the beauty and honor of combat. To the point where dishonoring yourself meant running your own sword through your own stomach. This was Seppuku. You didn’t mess around in the age of the samurai. It wasn’t until the 15th century that stealth tactics became acceptable and in widespread use. But even then the entire point of the ninja was to do dirty work that you didn’t want to talk about. And you definitely didn’t want anybody else to talk about it. So between that fact and the reverence of honor in Japanese culture, the actual ninja got few mentions in the grand histories. It’s kind of amazing that we even know about them now! Oh well. Ninja on!
There is a ginormous bathtub in my parent’s bathroom. We call it “mom’s tub” and it’s rumored that it was a large percentage of the reason my parents decided to buy our house 5 or so years ago. To be honest, it’s kind of a pain in the ass to fill with water and sometimes the hot water runs out before the tub is even close to full, but talk about first world problems, right?
Anyways, I don’t use my parent’s bathroom or bathtub very often, but this summer I had the pleasure of being left home alone for three weeks while my parents went on vacation. It was a glorious three weeks of summery freedom and funemployment and consisted of a lot of late nights drinking on my back patio with friends. One night, I had a few friends over and after a drink or ten we decided it was bubble bath time. Calm down, everyone had or borrowed bathing suits.
It was the middle of August so we didn’t really care about the temperature of the water, only that there were TONS of bubbles and we could all squeeze in at once. We succeeded, with photo evidence to prove it, and while I may have slipped on my way out of the tub with a bloody toe to show for it, we had a freakin’ fabulous time.
The moral of the story? December 5th is National Bathtub Party day! While I highly recommend it involves friends, bubbles and bathing suits, you might also try having a party of one. Here’s an alternative suggestion: Stop by to to wish us a happy bathtub party day on your way home from work tonight, pick up one of our new wintery scented Wyk candles and some Bath Tea, head home and have a nice relaxing bathtub party for one? Sounds like heaven to me.
Well, friends, we’re almost to the end of another year! December is always a fantastic month here at KU, full of cheer, mirth, and (obviously) all our usual tom-foolery. Except magnified by the Christmas factor (which is roughly one billion.) Whether you stopped and got your Christmas cards in mid-November (Good for you!) or will be by to pick them up on Christmas Eve (Respect.), December at KU is not a spectacle to be missed! For your scheduled dose of whacky and obscure dates to remember, click READ MORE!
I’ve never been much for politics (said the apathetic 20-something). At least since I was of the age to even try to understand what goes on in Washington D.C., it has always seemed like somewhat of a shitshow to me, for lack of a better word. Let’s just say I don’t think it’s a coincidence that there are three rings in a circus and three branches in the US government. I’ve had brief waves of hope for a solution or progress within our government over the past decade or so; I campaigned with genuine excitement for Obama in 2008 and spent 5 nights sleeping in Zuccotti Park “occupying” Wall Street in 2011. It was during that week that I truly realized how absurd mainstream news media is. There I was, amidst a sea of thousands of passionately enraged political activists, “the 99%” if you will, coming from all over the country to attempt to make ourselves heard – and trust me, we were freakin’ loud — yet my friends and family at home or back at school heard almost nothing of it, or atleast nothing positive of it. Comedy Central, on the other hand, was on the ground.
“Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.” – John Stewart
November 28th is John Stewart’s 51st birthday. Being that John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the only two people I care enough about to listen to when it comes to the circus that is our government, I thought it only fitting that I pay homage to him for his special day. Not to get morbid, but I often (maybe too often?) think about the celebrities that are prominent in pop culture and news media today and how weird it’s going to be when they get old and, in turn, die. John Stewart is one of those people who I imagine myself telling my kids “you know dearie, I’ve been watching John Stewart since I was 12.” This might sound less weird if I explain that I have been watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report with my dad ever since I was old enough to still be awake at 11pm. So, I have thoughts like this when someone like Johnny Carson dies and my dad says something similar to me. (Though my dad doesn’t call me dearie…) What I’m trying to say here is that John Stewart represents not only a completely necessary aspect of my generation’s interest in and understanding of politics, in addition to being a hilarious and iconic talk show host/comedian who’s death will surely be on par with Johnny Carson’s, he also represents a personal ritual with my father that I look forward to every time I’m home for 11pm TV watching.
So, thanks for that, John Stewart, keep up the good work. And happy birthday, I hope you don’t die any time soon. :-)
“You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.”
P.s. Bill Cosby was a guest on The Daily Show this week and it was amazing. Go to Hulu and watch the interview right now. Then, stop by the store and pick up a copy of his first book, Naked Pictures of Famous People, or his mock history textbook, America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide To Democracy Inaction.
What am I thankful for this year? Glad you asked! I’m thankful that Thanksgiving Week (11/24-11/30) also happens to be National Game and Puzzle Week! Personally, I dread the holidays. I have so little in common with my extended family that getting together those few times each year to sit around on lumpy furniture and stare at each other has become something of an annually recurring nightmare for me. Which isn’t to say that my family is weird or wrong or bad in any way – I think they’re great (Nice save, Michael!) but that doesn’t remove the fact that reconnecting each year over mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie is really freaking awkward.
THAT IS WHY I LOVE BOARD GAMES, PEOPLE. They are pure magic. Nothing to talk about with your twelve-year-old cousin who likes to grab your phone when you’re not looking and thumb through your photos? PLAY A ROUND OF MONOPOLY. Ran out of things to say to that aunt or uncle you haven’t seen since last Thanksgiving? GRAB THAT OLD CHESS SET. Really, though. There is no better icebreaker than a board game, especially one that you may have played with relatives years and years ago. It takes the pressure and focus off of one-on-one conversation and gets people to behave more like themselves. I am such a sassy person, and the only way I can really feel like myself around relatives is to kick their asses at Monopoly. It’s something of a family tradition.
That’s right, November 19th is World Toilet Day. Now you might think “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever hear!” and on one hand your right. But let’s think about it. The toilet is one of the most important and frequently used appliances in your house! You use it multiple times everyday. And so does the rest of the world. I mean not yours specifically. But A toilet. Let us take the time to acknowledge and appreciate our friend who takes our crap everyday!! (OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!)
Toilet Day is actually meant to be a serious thing too. It is recognized by the UN as a global day for raising awareness about worldwide sanitation. People like us in the wealthy parts of the world don’t realize that so many people around the world don’t have the luxury of toilets or even bathrooms at all. 1 in 3 people across the globe do not have toilets. That’s crazy. So World Toilet Day (and the organization of the same name) aims to push countries like ours to bring the gift of modern wizpalaces to others. I know I don’t enjoy doing my business outside. Leaves are never as comfy as they may seem.
Personally I find the toilet to be a wonderful place of relaxation and self reflection. Maybe I’m reading. Maybe I’m playing a game on my phone. Perhaps I’m just enjoying the solitude of being totally alone for like 2 freakin minutes. Whatever you like to do while you poo, it’s something that not everybody gets to enjoy. So remember then the next time you take a seat atop your porcelain throne and spare a thought for the less fortunate. You done good toilet. You done good.
Now before I go. For those of us who not only need a toilet but need a toilet with a foot warmer, butt warmer, bidet, and integrated music player, and all kinds of other crazy things, I give you the Numi:
Holy crap (pun intended again). It’s the toilet of my dreams.
Astrology is very hit or miss with me. As a Virgo, I am very resentful of being saddled with such a dumb star sign, so don’t get me started on that. I mean it.
Today we’re talking about Scorpios, not Virgos. According to people who know more about these things than you and me, Scorpio is the most volatile and transformative and passionate and [insert 1,000,000 other adjectives here] of the twelve zodiac signs. In other words, they’re full of themselves. Take that.
But seriously – apparently being married to a Scorpio is so stressful that there needed to be a day of remembrance to honor these brave men and women who have taken it upon themselves to shack up with a Scorpio. That day is November 18th, people.
Now, you might be asking yourself, Why do Scorpios suck so much? Well, let me tell you. First, Scorpios insist on doing their own thing at all times. In marriage, this means they’ll refuse to compromise, regardless of what you’re arguing about.
Second, Scorpios place a high value on their independence, which makes them avoid small talk and social settings. Some people might consider Scorpios to be cold and distant, but they actually have a surprising depth of emotion; they just don’t often choose to share it with you.
And finally, Scorpios are described as being very intense. They feel a lot of things and you can’t stop it, mmkay? Their intensity will often lead Scorpios to say strange and awful things on a variety of subjects, so be prepared.
That being said, it seems to me that the safest way to avoid marrying a Scorpio is to ask everyone you meet of average attractiveness whether or not they were born between October 23rd and November 22nd. If they answer yes, RUN!!!!!!